Me (29F) and my husband (31m) have a son (3).
His mum especially is over opinated, thinks she’s always right, argumentative and can be down right nasty to my husband.
He is getting better at standing up for himself or us if she has an issue with our parenting but it just doesn’t always feel like enough.
My son had pneumonia about two months ago and has had a history of recurrent chest infections, we got sent home with an inhalor. This weekend whilst we were at the in laws house he started with cough cold symptoms but seemed to be working harder to breathe, I’d been given his inhalor when I felt he was working hard but was wary of over medicating which got a few comments, so did the fact that we took him out for a few hours for some fresh air, so did the fact that I wasn’t dosing him up to the balls with calpol and the first sniffle.
Anyway, we got home tonight, and started rib sucking so we made the decision to take him to A&E , husband text our little group chat with his parents to let them know.
She demanded to know if we’d set off, he said no we were just getting supplies as it’s likely we’d “be messing on all night” she wanted to know what he meant by that so he said the last few times we’ve gone he was there Hours, and he eas always borderline if he needed further treatment.
So she said “don’t bother then if you can’t be arsed”
This is the conversation:
Me: Yes we can’t be arsed looking after our son? Making sure we have essentials for him? Like is there any need for that comment”
MIL: Do you think I’ve never been to a &e
Just get your son what he needs
Husbands attitude about having to wait is ridiculous
Some other tedious bits talking about sons past admissons
Me: You’re being unhelpful and quite frankly rude. We’ll update you when we know anything as for that you’re wasting my time
FIL replying back to husbands earlier comment about how we’d likely have to wait hours: Poor you, show some empathy for once, you sound line a horrible cunt
then to me calling out MIL Dear me, what kind of comment is that?
Keep them to yourself in future
I told my husband to stop replying at that point
Son is fine, we’re home he has a viral induced chest infection and they’ve given us a clear plan on how to manage at home and when and how Id appropriate to medicate and when to bring him in
But I’m so beyond annoyed, she’s purposefully been antagonistic and so bloody unhelpful like whag is the actual point
I’ve told my husband I’ve had enough and he needs to tell her her attitude at the moment is appalling, I did tell him not to update but the bare minimum which he kind of has but not as little as I’d have liked
He thinks he needs to tell them everything and feels put in the middle
But I’m not going to let her be a bitch and getaway with it, I’ve told him he really really needs to stand up for us this time and tell her to back the fuck off
Cause like what’s the game plan? Oh my only grandson is being taken to a and e, my son and DIL are likely stressed time to act like a fucking cunt and be super unhelpful
I’m angry and pissed off and I just need a moan
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Other posts from /u/PurpleUnicorn434:
We visit JNMIL house fairly often, I want to stop going when my husband isn’t around, 3 weeks ago
Yeah I’ll stay up for 24 hours rather than have my husband take a day off …, 3 months ago
JustnoMIL: where do I go from here?, 4 months ago
Feels like there’s no winning, 4 months ago
Sick of JUSTNOMIL having an opinion on everyting, considering cancelling the wedding and eloping at this point, 2 years ago
My MIL thinks I have seperation anxiety because I won’t let them babysit my exclusively breast fed 13 week old, 3 years ago
^(To be notified as soon as PurpleUnicorn434 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe PurpleUnicorn434 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
So he’s okay with your FIL calling you the C word. That’s what I take away from that conversation. Medical emergencies put you at the head of the queue for who needs to be *getting* empathy. The in-laws social event doesn’t even rate.
Children get time outs for name calling and so should adults
Wow, they’re something else.
I ‘m in agreement with you. If they can’t resist the urge to make nasty comments, they don’t need to be kept in the loop. MAYBE a quick text about going to MD, won’t be reachable, will update when resolved.
For day to day interactions, the moment either of them starts, I’d just pack up and leave.
Really, they’re awful!
Soo why did you tell her you took your son to the hospital when you know she makes these comments? Is there anything they were doing for you while you were there? My child has a heart condition and we’ve had to take her to the er a couple times so far. We don’t “inform” the family just because. My priority is not texting people when I’m at the hospital with my child to send them updates, especially not someone you already know is not going to be supportive.
Drop.the.rope. Stop giving them information they don’t need. Stop keeping them in the loop when they aren’t helping or are changing the outcome. You keep giving her ammo to feed off of for her to make her nasty comments. And now FIL escalated calling your husband a disrespectful name. If your husband isn’t willing to cut contact completely or even a little, then you should. Tell your husband his family is his to deal with, you and your child are done because you are not going to continue to be disrespected as his mother and you’re not going to let your son think it’s normal for people to treat you that way. If he insists on seeing his parents then he goes alone and you don’t hear about it at all. I bet he’ll cut contact quick.
It sounds like you would benefit from putting his parents on an information diet, if only to get a break from the criticism.
I get that your husband feels like he has to update them, but what they don’t know can’t hurt them and constantly looping them in is only going to continue to create conflict.
I also have MIL who needs to insert her (often wrong) opinion on everything. Life got much easier when we stopped informing her about details of our lives.
Tell them you’ll keep your comments to yourself when they learn to keep theirs from you.
In all honesty why put the energy into updating someone that is continually trying to undermine your competency as parents. Your DH needs to cut the umbilical cord and put them on an info diet and when they work it out and ask why then tell them, you don’t need their attitude nor their advice or opinions. Every time your DH gives them information, he is empowering them to be able to throw it in your faces!
Yeah I’d never speak to them again. Someone who calls their own child the C word doesn’t deserve to be a part of the family anymore
Sounds like you should abandon DH to his parents. He wants to update them knowing he’ll get shit? Okay but do it alone where you and son won’t be affected. Otherwise tell him to get his shit together and stop wasting his time updating people who will just antagonize and piss both of you off. Get out of the group chat and stop giving them any of your bandwidth since they’re just going to piss it away
Information diet. They can’t be snarky about things they are unaware of.
For the love of god OP, drop the rope. You and DH are adults. You do not need to update his parents about everything that’s going on in your lives. Unless it’s an emergency situation, there is absolutely no need to involve them whatsoever. Take yourself out of the group chat and make it clear to DH that you are done. He doesn’t need to run to mommy and daddy with every little bit of information. It’s time for him to man up and take care of his own family. Meaning you LO.
MIL’s comments regarding making sure you have everything you need to feed, change, and entertain LO while you are at the A&E getting him taken care of is uncalled for. You are right, you could be there for hours and if you didn’t have the supplies you needed she’d have something to say that about that as well.
Stop making this stuff her business. Stating the facts about needing to be prepared for being there for possible hours does not make your husband a c****. It makes you responsible parents. Has parents can balls fuck all the way off. You don’t need their permission or approval, DH needs to stop seeking it FFS.
i agree with the other commenters about an info diet. the best part is that if they eventually ask why they’re not getting updates, you can politely say ‘well, last time we shared live updates things got a little tense, and i don’t want to add to stress!’ then breeze away. all you’re doing is being helpful!
“I will keep my comments towards MiL to myself as soon as she starts keeping her judgemental comments about our parenting to herself as well. That is a two-way street.”
I’d block both her and FIL.
Husband can deal with those circus clowns on his lonesome. See her less. She’s a bitch.