I made a choice at the beginning of the year to stop having sex for a while. I was burnt out from dating different people and needed time to just focus on me and figure out what I actually want in a relationship. I didn’t expect to go this long but I’m really happy I did. I feel really good. I feel clear.
One day I was watching Y Tu Mama Tambien and I got so horny. I hadn’t touched myself in more than a week and that’s already too long for me. That scene where Luisa wanted to fuck Julio in the car while Tenoch was just kicking rocks outside… yeah. I started rubbing my clit and I was so turned on I could feel my juices dripping. I slid my fingers inside my wet pussy and tasted myself. Yummy. While I’ve done that before when having sex with a partner, those moments were mostly performative. This time it felt so freeing. Just me and my body. No one else to please.
This is also the moment I realized that I love how I smell now. I didn’t feel the same way back when I was sleeping with a lot of people. It didn’t feel like mine. I like smelling sweet and fresh, and ever since I started abstaining, I’ve been obsessed. I don’t know how to explain it but I just smell so fucking good.
Now every morning I turn on my vibrator and cum on my panties before I put them on my face. I just breathe myself in. My scent… like flowers and vanilla and honey. It turns me on more than anything else ever has.
Never thought abstaining from sex would make me feel this powerful. But here we are.