I’m the kind of person that never had someone romantically interested in them, instead I’ll be ‘asked out’ as a joke by the boys in school and made a laughing stock for thinking their approaches were ever genuine. And if there was ever a time that I liked someone romantically, the feelings were NEVER mutual.
I am much older now, working full time, still living with my parents as house prices are too much recently, and every single one of my peers/friends are in a long term relationship.
I never considered myself attractive, nor particularly interesting for that matter, I try so hard to put up this mask of someone who WANTS to interact with people, of someone who WANTS new friends etc when in actual fact the mere thought of being surrounded with other people makes me unhappy.
Accepting the fact that I’ll never have children of my own, a loving husband, a friendship group that stands as strong as steel, is something I am willing to embrace at this point.
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I thought the same, I even wrote a book about all the reasons I would end up alone and I literally closed the door of my life after that. I spent so much time on my own, developing my talents, learning new things, accepting myself and healing traumas, it helped me to understand men, society, my family and my toxic/auto destructive patterns. 1 year after I was peacefully alone and I decided to open a profile in a dating app to look what was out there, at first I got so much disappointment, but I wasn’t the same broken heart girl so nothing of that affected my sense of self-worth, and I kept observing until I found the kind of man I never accepted in my life before because of my fear of real love, he challenged me to accept love and for the first time I’m letting a man loves me. (Of course I love him a lot)… All this to say that, if you do the same things, have the same fears, same behaviours, you will get the same results over and over again. Never ask for real love if you don’t have that inside already. Sound pathetic, many people say that, but it’s true. Also don’t lie to yourself “I hate people around me”, that’s exactly what you will acctract, trust me. You have to love yourself for many many reasons and one of those benefits of loving yourself could be accepting real love from others.