I (28M) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for almost a year now and honestly things have been really good between us. We’ve moved past that early awkward phase started talking about future plans and overall the vibe has been pretty awesome well until last night
We were just having a casual conversation on the couch about weekend plans and I don’t even know how it happened but I called her by my ex’s name. Just straight up dropped it mid sentence and immediately realized it. She went silent. Like dead silent. I apologized instantly like literally stopped and said “I’m so sorry, that was a brain glitch.” I must’ve apologized 20 more times throughout the night. She said she’s not mad and that she understands it can happen, but she’s definitely acting a bit distant since then. Not cold but like more quiet than usual. And I get it I’d be weirded out too and I truly feel absolutely awful. The thing is that I haven’t even talked to or thought about my ex in ages. I don’t want her back like there’s are no lingering feelings or anything like that. It was just one of those dumb auto pilot moments where your brain betrays you.
We went to bed and this morning she was polite but still kinda distant. I’ve been thinking all day just trying to figure out how to fix this cuz I just don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of talking to her and tell her again that it was a fuck up from my side and that I truly love her because I really do. What should I do?
Accidentally called my girlfriend by my ex’s name
r/Advice
Comments
You’ll be right bro it happens
She probably feels compared to your ex. Obviously, it wasn’t your intention, but she’s probably thinking, “Is he still thinking about her? Am I really that different?” and things like that.
How did things end with your ex? She could be feeling insecure. Just give her a lot of reassurance to try and quell those insecurities. Flowers couldn’t hurt.
She just needs a moment to digest it a bit. Give her a day or two and she’ll be fine.
Probably.
Maybe.
Ps. Buy her flowers. Women love flowers. Tell her she’s the best thing that ever happend to you. Write the correct name on the flower card though. Good luck!
It was a mistake, you apologized, leave it at that. Don’t try to chase her or do too much, because then she will hold it over your head and try to manipulate the situation. Things happen and there’s not much else for you to do, just forget it happened and she eventually will too.
You’ve just got to ride it out and get past it. Offer assurances but don’t overdo it like it’s a tragedy. Calm and steady assurance, not panicked.
Come on man. You all are too old for that shit. It happens all the time. It’s just out of habit. You know you didn’t mean anything by it so you shouldn’t feel bad just because she’s decided to be petty.
I’ve been there, the only thing that can really fix it is time and sometimes taking a conscious effort to use the right name. Our brains put things into boxes and given the places your ex and your current partner fit into your life, it’s inevitable for there to be some overlap between those boxes. Give her some time and space, validate her feelings, recommit to her that your ex is in the past and this was just an absent-minded slip up, and in time this’ll just be a memory.
I did that once, thankful the current girl (at the time) middle name was the same as my ex’s first name. So she didn’t really catch on lol
Even if it’s not the case, she probably thinks you are still thinking about your ex. She just needs some extra reassurance or attention during this time. This is something that can happen to anyone. I’ve never called my bf my exes name but I accidentally call him my dogs name lol. Now that I think about it, he’s called me his exes name because our names are vaguely similar but while I didn’t like it but I didn’t take it to heart.
You said her name because she’s on your mind. It’s not like you broke up with her recently. You’ve been with your current gf for a whole year. 12 months. 365 days. How would you feel if she called you by her ex’s name? Out of all the people you know, you said your ex’s name. Your brain connected whatever you were feeling in that moment with your ex. I get that it wasn’t something that you did on purpose, you don’t want to hurt her, and you are saying you haven’t been thinking about your ex- but she’s clearly still there. I hope you’re able to get past this but I know I couldn’t. I’d always think that she’s on your mind. That you’re looking at me but thinking about her.
If your ex wanted you back right now, would you go back? Honestly.
Explain to her that you called her accidentally with that name because you needed to say that name often during your previous relationship. Your brain put a name in your mouth that seemed familiar to you. This is a similar situation to accidentally calling your teacher “mom”. Kinda.
I’ve done that as well. It happens when the situation similar to one you and ur x had together. It just pops out.
Don’t think anything of it, mistakes happen.
Its one of those things… Girls get bent out of shape about this but you know how many times a girl has called me by her ex’s name and I couldnt give a shit and just move on. Like yes when your used to saying a name of your partner for months or years its becomes ingrained.
She’ll get over it. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it has to be
Fuckkkk
BRO FIX THAT SHIT NOW! Something similar happened to me, she wasn’t mad, didn’t fight or yell, but she just was kinda weird. I waited to long to try and make it up to her and we drifted apart and eventually broke up after 1.5 years. Lost one of the sweetest girls ever over me being dumb. 😢😂
LMAO After a year of taking care of my mom, I have been calling my wife “Mom”…to hilarious looks each time.
Emotional damage
Don’t over apologize or it’s gonna keep staying in her head. It was an accident, but still sucks on her end. It is what it is, let her have some time to get over it and be ready for any questions she may have, and be honest with her. Brains suck sometimes lol
That’s why I just say “baby” to every girl so I don’t make that mistake.
Communication is helpful. Maybe it’d be a good idea to point out that you notice that she’s been distant lately and check into see how she’s doing.
Nahhh .. you done fucked up bro
I wish I had better advice for you, but my name is literally my husband’s ex’s name. 😅 I refer to myself at 2.0. (Obviously, the better model.) He just calls me all the pet names. He only calls me by my name when he’s having a stroke.
I did that once. I don’t know if he actually heard it but I definitely did it and I couldn’t believe it and I just sort of sat there in shock and was like oh my God out loud and then he just continued the conversation like it never happened… 😳
Sadly this happens. She would have seen how upset you were. My and my girlfriend at the time now wife had just finished having abit. and she was sat on my lap and I called her by my exs name. I couldn’t have apologised any more. Iv never did it since.
If you have siblings, you know your mom called you the wrong name once a week. Not because she doesn’t know who you are, but because the way human brain works. My husband (together 15 years) occasionally calls me the wrong name and I him. It’s really not a big deal at all.
Just ignore it unless she brings it up. Your making a big deal out of it makes it seem worse to her than it is. You overreacting will make her insecure. Heck I drop my sisters name when talking to my wife, my mothers, my coworkers…it’s just wires crossed in the brain. Means nothing.
Just don’t do it while you’re doing it to her
How is your credit limit? Time to hit up the jewelry store.
just say that in that moment, you were thinking of how you wouldn’t be able to have this sort of moment with your ex. & how appreciative you are of your current partner for being the wonderful type of person to change that around.
the two wires got crossed in your brain somehow.
I call my husband by the dog’s name sometimes. Doesn’t faze him.
It’s over, you’re cooked
When women say they’re ‘fine’, they are absolutely very very far from fine
You are cooked
Well my ex husband and my current now finacee have the same name just one you call in Spanish and the other is also Hispanic but likes his in English to get ride of confusion
Have another convo and call her by another different name like a friend or relative. Then she’ll just think its possibly early dementia and get over it
Don’t make it a big deal. You’ve apologised. Just move on with life. You don’t want to be stuck having to do grand gestures such as flowers every time you make a small mistake.
Build yourself a real nice doghouse. Sounds like you’ll be spending half your life in it
I did that once to my wife, at the time girlfriend . What’s weird is I definitely never thought about my ex, I don’t even like my ex. And it had been like 10+ years since me and that ex had been broken up. Their names start with the same letter and I was severely sleep deprived. I apologized a million times and we basically laughed it off.
I think our brains can revert back to something familiar.
It happens. I once called a friend of mine George. I don’t know anyone named George.
Was the sex that Amazing?
Same thing happened to me. It’s not some weird deep psychological unconscious longing. It’s a brain glitch from automatic responses from the past. But so embarrassing for you and impossible to take back. And she understandably is upset. I feel for you dude. She has to process it and in time let it go.
If you haven’t farted in front of her yet, now’s the time to start
Buy her a gift, flowers, plan something for her. Just show her you care. All will be well
I did it too. In front of my family. Hands down the most cringe and “oh shit” moment of my life.
You know that place where she loves to go but it’s a big pricey? Yea time to break out the checkbook, my boi.
It’s just a slip of old muscle memory. It’s not uncommon. Hopefully, she can move forward and let it go.
Also, be prepared to answer questions about how it ended between you and your ex. And I feel bad for you if she’s the one who broke up with you
It happens to all of us and is no big deal . . . though your girlfriend may have something to say about that!
RIP
“Hey love, I’d really love to create an open and honest space for you to be heard if what I said last night had an impact.”
And then show her empathy and compassion like a boss.
The situation is awkward for both of you, and caring for the impact on her will help rebuild trust and repair
Your ex was part of your life. Assuming at one point you loved her, like you love your current girlfriend, it happens. I have called my current wife my ex’s name and my wife called me her ex’s name. At one point she was telling me a story about her ex and she used my name.
It’s not a big deal. Now if you were in the middle of an intimate encounter and said your ex’s name, that could be more difficult to apologize out of.
the only solution is to break up, theres no coming back from that
seriously, its nothing, move on
Buy her some nice flowers
My ex did it during giggidy. I used to work with the fella
I did this during sex once. Ohhhboy, give it time. And she will use this in multiple arguments.
Geeeez dude I get it but………. Geez
I personally wouldn’t keep apologising. Just vibe it out for a few days. Forgiveness is a process, you can’t just spam apologies to make her feel better. She’s hurt. Of course she is. And she deserves to be. That doesn’t mean mistakes can’t happen.
But also do reflect. What happened on your end, there.
first time hanging meme
My husband did that with his ex wife’s name at a party. I ignored it and later he apologized and thanked me for not making a big deal about it. Things happen. Nothing to get mad about.
I have done this with a memory. “Hey, remember we went here?” Yeah…wrong person. I had to play it off best I could but we moved past it. Certainly didn’t do it on purpose.
All you can do is be patient and act normal. The more you seem anxious the more it will look like it’s important. Good luck, man.
Bruh … 😆 I’ve done this… it sucks hahaha haha
I’m kinda surprised the top comments are “buy her flowers” tbh. My dude, unless she really loves flowers and you know her favourite kind, do NOT get her flowers. Flowers and chocolates are more often than not a cop out gesture. I agree with some of the comments that a gesture should be made, but it needs to be something very specific to her. Something that shows that you know her well and pay attention to her likes and dislikes. Whatever THAT is, do it. And remind her in that moment that she’s the only one on your mind. But for the love of god, do not just default to flowers.
Mistakes happen and she might just need a bit of time to process. I don’t think you need to keep bringing it up and reminding her of it, but a loving, thoughtful gesture will certainly help
I don’t think the psychology behind calling a girl by an ex’s name is as profoundly bad as women presume it to be. It’s not like (in my case anyway) an ex is always on my mind so I may slip up and say her name. A mother is a constant. A father is a constant. Their names and titles never change. A girlfriend is more or less a constant, and the person in that role may change several times however. I find that occasionally I’m cycling through a couple of names before calling my girlfriend’s name. Maybe someone can put this into words better than me.
Lmao my wife and I met each other 6ish months after our prior marriages ended. We did this to each other multiple times.
Ha! I have been married 17 years and called my husband my exs name literally last week. He laughed, I laughed, Siri laughed, my ex laughed. It’s not even that deep. I know exactly at which point of the relationship it becomes ok and that’s when both of you have made the same mistake. One day she’s gonna call you her exs name and you will be totally fine with it because the same thing happened to you.
I do this every day. They have the same name though, so it’s all good.
She’s going to get some good mileage with that one, brother.
Heh.
Come on bro…good luck
Flowered apology talk move on don’t dwell what’s done is down explain how bad you feel show her what she means to you and hopefully she will forgive 🤞💕
This is why you should only date people that have the same name. Problem solved.
You messed up, take responsiblity, own it, then apologize. This can make a difference. Another comment mentioned flowers, that might be a good idea, you judge.
Of course it was a fuck up on your side pointing that out as if there was doubt is not the way to go. If everything is as good as you say it shouldn’t be a deal breaker you do have the right attitude (not downplaying her feelings, or what you’ve done) so giving her some time is better then love bombing her. I assume there is no contact between you and your ex but if there is you better cut it out.
One job bruh
If you’ve apologized 20+ times, you’ve probably apologized enough. You’re just drawing more attention to it and causing her to continue to dwell over it. It may be good to have a sincere conversation with her to ensure her you care about her and don’t even think about your ex, but if you’ve already said that, I would probably let it go.
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Do something sweet and romantic. Not over the top, or it might seem like an insincere, over-compensating thing. Something small but meaningful would be good.
You do know that she does not bust a nut because of you if she has her eyes closed
At least you didn’t do it at your wedding while in front of your ex who flew out to confess her feelings for you but decided against it at the last minute but then decided to tell you after the wedding anyways because “saying my name must mean something right??” And did it while you were actively trying to win back your wife who had gone through with the wedding after your vow mishap out of social embarrassment but escaped out the window at the wedding reception in the same way your ex did to her ex fiancé years ago?
I did this one time when I was young and it ruined my thing with a girl. I did it during sex.
Shit happens!
My dad literally calls me my sister’s name constantly. If I got mad at everyone who called me by the wrong name I wouldn’t have anyone left to talk to. I say let it blow over. It isn’t that big of a deal
Just let it go pal 😆
She understands it’s just a slip of the tongue… My mother still calls me by our dog’s name. Our first dog, who died a decade ago… Who had a female name (I’m a big boy).
She might think about it, sure, whatever, people are strange and dumb as ducks sometimes, it happens to all of us. Just don’t make a big deal of it, seriously…
Just don’t bring it up again, try not to think about it, and she’s gonna bring it up again someday, it’s now in your permanent record, unfortunately, but it doesn’t mean it’s gonna destroy everything, just one of those things she can put in your face when she feels like it.
Probably time to stop drawing attention to it. It’d be helpful to know why you did it.
I wouldn’t be doing flowers, jewelry or anything else. It was an innocent mistake. It happens, you apologized so just let it be. If she’s that insecure it won’t be the last issue.
If you get her flowers, I’d suggest picking them yourself! I personally don’t appreciate purchased flowers as much as it almost seems disingenuous and overdone. I feel like driving by a patch of wildflowers and picking them for your partner means so much more, especially if they’re her favorite color or something!! Also, give lots of affection and cater to her love languages!!
It wasn’t during sex, you’re good, at least you should be. You apologized immediately, and even over-apologized imo; after all, it was a meaningless slip of the tongue.
I’d stop apologizing, maybe a final “ok, again I’m sorry, now can we move on?” But if she keeps being weird about it, then it becomes a red flag. You don’t want to be with someone who can’t quickly get over something like that.
The flowers thing someone mentioned is a good move but DONT overdo it! If you’re still following your ex on any social media now’s a great time to unfollow or if you’re on meh/bad terms BLOCK. She is hurt but from what you’ve said she’s not angry. Don’t make a joke of it. Validate her feelings and reassure her. Something like “I’m really sorry that happened, hurting you is the last thing i want to do. I understand if you need some time but i just want to reassure you that you are the only one I love and care for.” Make her some dinner, treat her well and just give her time.
Yea that happens. It’s brain fart and it’s okay but you’re in the dog house for now