JNMIL came to babysit (at husband’s request) for a day so I unblocked her since my child was with her. I must have forgotten to block her again because she texted asking me for some pictures.
I don’t have the pictures she thinks I do and I could just say that, but responding to her at all feels like opening a door that I don’t want her to have access to.
My issue is that she just wants me to forget things and move on like nothing ever happened. No apologies and no acknowledgement. I feel like we are way past that point. Especially since it’s been less than a month that I found out they’ve (she & FIL) been insinuating I’m crazy. I told my husband I refuse to set foot in her house going forward.
But then I start to second guess myself. Especially when her other DILs love being around her and everyone is pressuring me to participate in family events or to accept her offers for “girl time”. (I do want to add that her own daughter has been completely NC with her for 6/7 years).
Have I turned into the unreasonable one? Have my boundaries become too strict? (Regarding the texting, not the visiting in person at her house)
Have any of you ever gone back to having some sort of cordial relationship? If so, what did it take for that to happen?
If it was up to me I would be completely NC but my husband is very attached to his family and wants to make things work. Currently I am very LC, I see her maybe 3-4 times a year.
I’m tired of being the bigger person. I’m tired of conflict. I want to protect myself but I don’t want to be adding more fuel to the fire and create a cycle where I start to be the problem as well if that makes sense?
The only solution I’ve been able to come up with is attending couples/family counseling to set up a way for someone to mediate me confronting her because she has a way of being manipulative. I have text receipts of things she has said in the past and she still made it seem like SHE was the victim, so I can only imagine not having any proof would be easy to make me seem crazy.
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Don’t respond. Block her again
Even with proof, your husband doesn’t see her actions as problematic? That must make you feel invisible or crazy. If he sees (acknowledges) her poor behavior and still pressures you to “be the bigger person” he is negating your feelings and saying you don’t matter.
You are already being the better person allowing someone who disrespects you to have any contact with your child.
I hope your husband agrees to counseling. In the meantime – you are not crazy, you are not being petty,
stay strong.