Advice please.
For context: My partner 25M and I 23F have been in a relationship for 3 years. I live with my parents and he lives on his own, so I stay with him most weekends. I have a senior dog, who my parents normally look after on the weekends when I stay at his. My parents went on holiday 3 weeks ago and are away for another 2 weeks.
Weekend 1 he told me I could bring my dog to his house, but she had to sleep outside, because she drops lots of hair (which I was fine with). It ended up being really cold that weekend so he was okay with her staying in the house.
Weekend 2 I brought her over again, because he was okay with it the week before, but in hindsight I should’ve checked with him again. He made a little comment about her being there but I thought it was kind of a joke. I ended up managing to get a family member to look after her from Saturday, so I only had her at his house on the Friday night.
Weekend 3 I brought her to his house and he again said she had to sleep outside which was fine. She slept outside on the Friday, then on the Saturday night she wouldn’t settle so I brought her bed inside and he didn’t say anything about it so I didn’t think there was any issue. Sunday night her bed was in his room and he didn’t seem bothered then either. Monday night I stayed at his house as well and my dog slept inside, he didn’t seem to have a problem with her being in there, but he did get a bit annoyed with her getting up in the middle of the night (which is fair).
Anyway, yesterday he texted me saying he doesn’t want my dog at his house again and that he doesn’t want to have to ask me again and asked me to respect him. I apologised, told him I wouldn’t bring her again and said I would fix anything she’s damaged (he said she’s fucked his door). He said he feels disrespected and now I haven’t heard back from him. I told him how sorry I was and how much I love him and he replied “ok”.
I don’t know what to do to fix it, but I really don’t want to lose our relationship over this.
Where do we go from here?
TL;DR – my boyfriend feels disrespected by me. I don’t want our relationship to end over this, but I don’t know how to make it better.
Comments
You ignored his explicit requests multiple times. Making someone say something to you when you knowingly ignore their boundaries is not okay. Seems like you need to do some growing up, because you do not seem to respect your partner.
In terms of what to do? Maybe a thoughtful gesture will help smooth things over and give you a chance to prove you can be better. Most importantly, you need to explain exactly why what you did was wrong, apologize, and correct the behavior.
Honestly, I’d be happy this relationship was over. My #1 thing before I get at all serious with a girl, is she has to LOVE dogs. A devoted dog depends on you like a child depends on their parents. I’m not turning my beloved 4-legged child into a second-class citizen for anybody. So if you are asking for my advice: ditch this guy, and in your next relationship, find a guy who loves dogs. I guarantee you’ll realize quickly the guy that loves dogs is 10 times better than your current dog hater boyfriend.
You forgot to mention your bf refuses to travel to you, despite the fact you work a full and a part time job.
That he won’t even see you unless you go to his place is relevant to why the dog was at his house in the first place and ought to be included.
Yeah maybe you should’ve listened, but I think he could’ve also vocalized a little bit more directly “hey I like your dog but it needs to stay outside if it comes over” personally I don’t like my dogs sleeping outside, it’s nothing my family has ever done and my dog sleeps in the house and in another room when we visit anybody else, as long as ur dog isn’t destructive aggressive or has unpredictable behavior maybe look into some training to get her manners managed! She could be a great house dog!
I wouldn’t beat urself up over it, I understand especially when it wasn’t very direct
Also does he have allergies? I’ve only heard of this type of request from people with allergies