Yeah, so… me and my girlfriend were dirty talking. We’re both into sharing little fantasies and stuff—she’ll talk about me choking her a bit (like, consensual rough stuff), I’ll say things about her begging for it, whatever, it’s just how we play.
Anyway, it started getting a little more intense, kinda “naughty girl” vibes. She was saying things like she’d make me work for it, close her legs, move her head around, tease me while I was trying to have sex with her. Then it kind of shifted into this thing about her being difficult during oral, like pulling her head away, and she asked what I’d do if she did that.
And I said something like, “I’d pinch your cheeks so your teeth would open,” just playing along, not even thinking.
And immediately—immediately—I realized I fucked up.
That line I said, it was almost word-for-word from this story she told me about her SA from years ago. Like, something absolutely horrible that happened to her. A super specific detail.
And I didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t trying to reference that. I would never. But man, it was the exact thing.
She knows it wasn’t on purpose. She told me that. But like… how could I forget something that awful? How could I forget that specific part?
I think maybe I just blocked it out. Like, when she first told me, I remember I literally puked. That’s how messed up it was. I couldn’t handle hearing it. So I think I just… didn’t let it register, maybe? Like my brain rejected it.
But now I feel like garbage. Like the worst kind. Even if she says it’s okay or that she knows it was an accident, I keep thinking: what if she doesn’t fully believe that? What if she thinks I said it on purpose, or that deep down I forgot because I didn’t care enough?
I know it was an accident. But man. It feels unforgivable. How could I be so stupid?
Comments
You made a genuine mistake, and you clearly care deeply about her and what she’s been through. The fact that you realized it immediately and feel this much remorse shows your heart’s in the right place. Trauma details can get buried in your brain it doesn’t mean you didn’t care, it means it was too much to process at the time. Talk to her openly, own it, and remind her how much you love and respect her. If she says she understands, believe her but also give her space and patience if she needs it. You’re not a monster you’re human.
I understand your feelings. I’ve been SA d. But I never told anyone details. Yet there were times my boyfriends said things that triggered me. You need to have a conversation. And of course tell her you’re sorry for upsetting her. But please also tell her how what happened made YOU feel too.