I’ve had a porn addiction ever since i was 8, due to unhealthy environments, and now i have a girlfriend that’s severely insecure about her looks. Ever since i started dating her i became aware of how bad it is, and i’m aware that i need to stop. We’ve been dating for 15 months now, but i relapse everytime. We’ve been fighting and she checks my phone, she sees what i have and she thinks so much of it. Such as if shes not enough, or if i’m dating her for her body. Whenever i feel her warmth, and hug her cuddle and stuff. I get an erection, without any sexual intent. It’s just a new and odd and beautiful feeling, it just happens. She thinks i hug her to feel her body sexually, even though i feel love in her touch, romantic love and caring love. I hate this part of me, makes me not wanna love again because i think it’s gonna ruin everything i ever start. I just want her happy, i wanna let her go, i’ve done enough damage
Addiction is ruining me.
r/Advice
Comments
If you’re serious about getting better then you need to get help! Addiction is addiction, and most people cannot quit by themselves!! AND THATS OKAY, but if you’re wanting to get better then you should definitely talk to someone
Oh boy you would love meth
Please seek professional help an addiction like this is very dangerous especially when it involves someone else, something like this can be fixed you just gotta put in the work, communication and honesty.
Porn addictions ruin relationships. Seek therapy for it if you’re serious about it. Drug addicts need rehab for their addiction. Porn addiction is no different. Seek a professional for help with it.
You should see a sex therapist about this.
I dont think there is anything wrong with getting turned on by hugging your girlfriend. Most of us enjoy that.
Since 8 year old shit dude. I’m glad phones weren’t really accessible as a kid for me lol
bro you’re not broken, you’re just human dealing with some heavy stuff. it’s clear you care a lot and you’re self-aware, which is already a big step. addiction’s a beast, but it doesn’t define you. and getting emotional or physical reactions from love and comfort? that’s normal af. don’t throw the whole relationship away—work on healing, for you. therapy could help fr, not just for the addiction, but to unlearn all that shame too. you’re not doomed.
You’re self-aware and trying, that’s already rare. Addiction isn’t who you are. If you love her, be honest and get help. Don’t give up on yourself.
I think the arousal part is normal. I get turned on 90% of the time when I get a hug from my wife.
Hey, thank you for opening up. That took real strength to say, and I can feel how much you care about her and how deeply this affects you. What you’re dealing with isn’t easy—it’s the kind of thing that gets rooted in us young, especially when we grow up in environments that don’t give us the emotional safety we need. But the fact that you’re aware, that you want-to be better, that you feel the weight of your actions—those are not signs of a broken person, those are signs of someone who’s fighting.
Your girlfriend’s insecurities are real and valid, just as your struggle is. And it’s clear that the last thing you want is to hurt her. Love mixed with shame, fear, and guilt can feel unbearable sometimes—but letting go doesn’t have to be the only answer. Healing is messy. It takes time, therapy, patience, forgiveness—especially self-forgiveness.
Getting an erection from closeness isn’t something to be ashamed of—it’s your body responding to intimacy, and that doesn’t make your love any less pure. But the gap between how you feel and how she interprets it shows just how much this needs open, vulnerable communication—and maybe even professional help for both of you. You’re not alone in this, and you don’t have to figure it out all on your own.
Please don’t give up on love because of this. The fact that you’re questioning yourself, reflecting, and even thinking of letting go for her sake shows how much love is already in you. You deserve healing, and so does she. Maybe it starts with you seeking help—not just to save the relationship, but for you, so you don’t have to carry this burden forever.
You’re not ruined. You’re human. And healing is still possible. 🙌
For addiction part I recommend you to read a book – easy peasy meathld to quit porn. It is not wrong to get a errection. It is normal (If you don’t get an erectcrion then it is a problem).
Hey, I think most people here have covered the addiction part well. You need outside help.
But as for your girlfriend, it sounds like her issues with her body and self-esteem run much, much deeper than just your violation of her no-porn boundary. I think, if you really love this girl and want her to be happy, encourage her to seek some kind of therapy for her body image issues. And hey, while she’s there it wouldn’t hurt to also get some emotional support while you’re dealing with your own journey to sobriety.
You got this. I believe in you!
All addiction need therapists and shrinks. If you can just stop and move on, then great, but if you can put it down without any withdrawal than its not an addiction.
Unfortunately, you’ll need the meds to stop those nagging thoughts. I, too, have the same addiction. When I switched it to stop, I had a harder time staying hard with my wife at the beginning and wasn’t as often. You really have to readjust to my mental way of living.
Young homie you just need to communicate. You will have random erections with or without hugging a woman until you are 30+. Porn addiction is something you will overcome. No problem. When you have sexual thoughts you just need to try and replace them! Way easier said than done! You feel little soldier standing for attention, it does not mean YOU need satisfaction. It is a natural reaction to even stress sometimes! Sometimes you just have to tuck him up in the waste and and make him settle down. Alot easier done when your older or course! But having a sexual desire is not something to follow through with every time. Sometimes you make it wait, it will be better later. As you age you may just need to pre-game for the situation. I am 35. I still can go twice to three times a day. Don’t think you will have full control over little homie anytime soon. Sorry this is a shotgun to the dick. But you just need to tuck him up and go take a walk. And forget about it. Try and relax, and remember to communicate. Maybe show your GF your post, so she knows you are coming from someplace vulnerable. I have been with my wife for 17 years. Good luck dude!