Hey y’all. I am moving to LA w my fiancé and I have never moved out of my house. I am 25 and my primary reason for moving is because I am attending a law school which my parents funded for and helped with the apartment as well. I have around 70k in savings but they were generous to help me.
My parents wanted to spend 5 days with me in LA to help me set up my apartment and buy me furniture and etc. so I told my partner to start living 5 days later once my parents are gone. my partner’s mom however told him that he should move in at the move in date because he paid for it. This caused him to not exactly push it on me but ofc he was not as liberal as he was before.
Please tell me who’s overreacting and not and if I’m justified in this approach. It’s a 1bhk and my parents really want to help me and see everything before they come to nyc.
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You’re moving in with your fiancé. The two of you should be setting things up together, and you shouldn’t be prioritizing your parents over your partner. You need to get used to setting boundaries and disappointing them, because they’re going to run roughshod over your life otherwise.
Are your parents staying with you? I mean I understand it’s tight having 4 adults in a one bedroom but I also think it’s wrong for you to tell your partner to wait when it’s in his name and he paid for it also. It should be his decision if he comes or not when your parents are there. But you also shouldn’t be putting your parents first when his name is on the lease and he paid for it.
It’s fine for your parents to come help you and visit for the week but you and your partner are a partnership. Your MIL shouldn’t be involved telling her adult son what he should do. You need to have a conversation with your partner on what he wants to do without the influence of others.
It is not MIL’s call. If it’s OK with both you and your BF, then it’s OK – end of story.
Also: Your fiancé is enmeshed with his mother – had you noticed that? Is this what you want for the rest of your relationship with him?
IMO: in a one bedroom apartment, that bedroom is for you and your DF. Are they proposing to sleep on a blowup/sofabed? The main bed is absolutely for you and your DF.
They should find a hotel/air BnB close by, and visit with you & DF. You two will be meeting neighbours, unpacking /setting up while they base themselves in their own accommodation, have a recce of the local restaurants and amenities. This first few days is also an experience you ought to share with your partner.
This is the start of your new life, you’re both leaving the family nest and setting up together.
Hope that helps!