Advice? 26(f) cheats on me 25(m)

Hello,
Today I found out my(25m) Gf(26f) of 3 years was cheating on me. It was truly heartbreaking but not surprising as our relationship history was the perfect ingredient for this to eventually happen. I am no saint and I won’t pretend to be in this post. She is not a monster either and my goal isn’t for her to be painted as one. I just want to help my heart heal and hear advice.

To start from the beginning of what I feel is the end(today). A year and some change ago, I cheated. when it happened I didn’t have much of an emotional attachment and I wanted to erase and forget and pretend it never happened. Obviously it doesn’t make it better or correct but I figure I insert it for context and maybe a paint a picture of my mindset. It all came to light in February and our relationship crumbled, I made bad choices and in the end she came out devastated and we split up. I felt disgusted, disappointed in myself. It created a huge hole that took a while to develop and grow as person. I picked up new hobbies, lost some weight, and felt my emotional maturity grow. After a couple of months of no contact around late April early may I called her. She was still very hurt about what happened and how things had ended I offered to come and talk to her face to face which we did. After a long and painful conversation about it, we decided to have another go at our relationship. I felt many feelings, happy being at the forefront. Felt so prepared that I was willing to show her how much I truly loved her. I know that things like this take time, I didn’t expect any immediate resolution or that things will go back to normal.

May goes through, we have some up and downs. Mostly stemming from the original infidelity. I tried to continue reassure her, and show her how remorseful I was. We got through them, and June rolls around. For the most part, it’s almost the same thing. Mostly good. However, she begins to describe that she feels like really struggling to get past all of it. She feels the uncertainty growing and our downs begin to become more frequent. I began to worry especially these last few weeks, as she starts to shows some obvious red flags. She begins to become less interested in Intimacy ie sex, even kissing/holding hands which she always been big on, she becomes more secretive, and she cares less about wanting to relaunch our relationship and work things out. I got more suspicious but after what I did, I tried to ignore them and chalked it up to her struggling to process things still.

Comes today. I was told by my GF that she and a friend that we both knew, (another woman) were going to go out for drinks and a movie. It was nothing out of the ordinary as I know they loved going out to eat together. I was at work for majority of the day. When it came time for her to go meet up with supposed (friend) she Randomly cut communications with me. No text or call or even a reply back to small little banters that I had sent her periodically For reference, she usually always answer them. I thought it suspicious but I chalked it up to her just having fun/or being at the movie as I didn’t know the itinerary. It comes time to closing around 8:30pm-9pm and I decided to call her and check in. I had worried something was up since she always answered. She didn’t pick up at all. At this point panic had begun to set in. I was worried she was hurt or something was wrong. I had texted her friend to see if she would answered, I didn’t get a reply back.

I got home and was still very worried. I didn’t know what was going on. I ended up looking through her Apple Watch she had left home to see if could pull her location or figure out something. That when I found the texts that she had been sending this guy she met during one of her shifts at work. In them I found texts of her flirting, him reciprocating. I found that the plan she supposedly was doing with her friend was actually what they set up to do together. Back tracking them I found that it started about June 21. Which to me at that point made it more obvious that it was around the same time she began to show the red flags.

I was completely obliterated, hurt and unsure what to make of it. I questioned myself thinking is that what she felt.

I found out that they decided to take a later movie and so around the time that I found out I bolted to the movie theater to get confirmation. There she was holding hands with him and exiting the movie theater. I confronted her from her distance and she walked past me without saying a word. This hurt, a lot. The drive home was painful. I had mixed emotions. I asked myself if I had deserved this. I had been open with her about telling me that if she wanted to move on or that it wasn’t working that I would leave.

I was home alone for a while, venting to my friends. Processing every bit of what just happened. She to my surprise comes back to our apartment. We talked about what just happened. She told He didn’t actually know that i existed, or she was with me. Which I can confirm cause there was no mention of me in their conversations. Which at that point weirdly enough I felt a slightly bad feeling for him as he practically just found out himself. They had only gone on dinner dates, not much more, which I can only confirm to what i seen in their conversations which mentions nothing about any sort of sexual contact.

But anyways, we talked. she told she can’t past the original infidelity, that it hurts too much. I told her that I had offered to leave multiple times if this truly isn’t working. She tells me that she doesn’t want me to because she still in love with me and she can’t seem to figure out what she wants. I asked her what does she want to do moving forward. She said she doesn’t know. A part of me this point knows that thing relationship is dead in the water when it comes to trust.

There is no more trust in this relationship and love? I’m not sure how to feel. Even as a I typed this I look at her and see the person I fell in love with all those years ago. I didn’t think she would do this me, but it happened.

At this point, like many other I’m scared, worried, sad, a million different other bad emotions.

To be clear there was more said in our last conversation after the confrontation, but it all chalked down to her not knowing what she wants and the whole thing with the original infidelity.

She still wants me to be in her bed, live in our home. I don’t know anymore. I know that for my sake I should leave. But my life is so tied with hers it’s hard
To just up and leave..

Reading this it’s a toxic relationship that is doomed to repeat emotional trauma to both parties, but we can’t let go.

If there is more information you guys want I would share I can. But I tried my best not to make things too long. I will prob provided Updates as I find out more thing or her decisions and stuff.

Your advice would be lovely

TL;DR: Both me and GF have been together for 3 years. We both have now cheated on each other and we are stuck in impasse. Is there any real chance for us to stick through it?