I wanted to share my experience and get some opinions or feedback from others online. After looking around, I felt this would be a good place to post this. It’s long, but if you’ve got the time, I’d appreciate you reading it.
So I’m 25, and I lost my virginity earlier this year to a woman who’s also 25. We’ve been dating for more than three months now. I know that, being from America, 25 is considered extremely late to lose your virginity. I’ve had people tell me they lost theirs at 12, so yeah, I’m more than a decade late to the party. But honestly, I never really cared about it. I’ve always valued my independence more, and because of my personality and some mental health struggle, I was hyper focused on myself. It just didn’t click for me to go for it.
Now that I look back, I find it interesting that it never actually clicked to think, yeah one day I should go out of my way and pursue a girl or something. I didn’t have self esteem issues and was physically attractive, something people around me continually told me but I just happened to be different from others. Now, I have no regrets about not pursuing sex or relationships. That’s just the way I’ve always thought, and I’ve never felt the need to change it. Forcing myself to be different would’ve caused a lot of internal conflicts.
I stuck to my own path, got through a tough degree, and now I’ve got a high paying job. Life’s been solid in that sense.
This year, I met this gorgeous woman at a work event, and the interaction happened naturally. We got to know each other, and I thought I should give this whole dating thing a try to see what it’s like. She moved in with me, and we spent a lot of quality time together. She’s kind and what I like about her is how we can talk for hours about random things.
Recently, I asked her about her dating history, and man it sent shivers down my spine. She told me she started having sex at 13, had a long list of boyfriends and sexual partners throughout school and college, and then got into casual dating. Her body count was 97. She said she’d been cheated on and that most of her relationships were with guys who were abusive or just plain bad. The more she shared, the more stunned I became.
I’d heard some relationship stuff from my friends (both male and female), and had a rough idea from movies, but hearing her story felt like watching a true crime documentary. She got emotional as she went on, so I comforted her, and she leaned in for a cuddle. But beyond that, I didn’t know what to say. I thanked her for being honest, because she could have easily lied about it all. Still, I didn’t sleep that night. I kept replaying what I’d just heard and wondering what I’d gotten myself into and I won’t lie, I even felt disgusted.
I know there’s a ton of content out there on dating and relationships, but I never had the energy or interest to engage with any of it. From my perspective, this situation didn’t feel normal at all. I knew she’d had partners before, but finding out she’s slept with nearly a hundred people by the age of 25 and carries a lot of emotional baggage from past relationships, which I noticed in her behavior early on, makes the whole relationship feel unhealthy. I’m disappointed because it doesn’t feel like there’s anything special about it.
I mean, it’s hard to feel that way when you’re the guy who’s close to pushing the number to 100. I didn’t even know it was possible to sleep with that many people. I always thought for young women, it was around six, max. And from an emotional standpoint, her getting cheated on, being in abusive relationships, etc. I’ve read enough to know that kind of stuff leaves permanent psychological damage, especially when it starts that young.
I know this sound judgmental, but I think I’m allowed to have my own opinions about it. I haven’t told her any of this, because I don’t know what I’m dealing with. I’ve also been trying not to say anything that might hurt her feelings.
She’s a very sweet girl and the only person I’ve ever caught feelings for. But I feel like I shouldn’t be with her, it just feels somehow wrong. I know I can end a relationship without needing a specific reason, but I really need some outside perspective on this. I don’t know how I should feel about it from a logical standpoint, and honestly, I’ve never been this confused.
TL;DR:
I’m 25, just lost my virginity to my girlfriend. She’s had 97 partners and a rough past. I care about her but feel uneasy and don’t know if I should stay.