It’s important to mention we’re in an LDR where we don’t have a lot of freedom due to her parents, since they don’t allow her to come over to my country alone (we’ve been in a relationship for almost 9 months and I’ve met her entire family, whereas she has only met my dad who came with me on a trip) and when I go there, we’re not allowed in closed off rooms on our own nor to go on vacations. On top of that, I do have borderline and have been hard to deal with, I can say that with full awareness. This is why I’m in therapy too.
Unfortunately, these BPD issues (moreover me worrying about our future regarding the parents, constantly needing the reassurance about it, etc.) have cost us a lot of energy and she’s now unable to have any sort of conversation with me without exploding. I’ve improved some regarding arguments and can keep my cool, but she’s giving really dry and tense replies every single time even when it’s about me setting my own boundary and such.
I’ve asked if no contact or at least taking space for a little was an option but she said it’d be weird not speaking to me, but I just cannot handle her getting pissed with me every single time I say anything. It’s my own fault of accumulated emotions over the months, but all I have wanted was to make it all right again and go back to what we used to be.
This was it all in short. What should we do? The love is still there, but we’re constantly so tense and it’s hard for me to set it aside and live through my days without anxiety and stress. At this point it’s even impacting my job because I cannot mask. Is no contact (or distancing at least) genuinely an option here (and have people had positive outcomes with that), or do you think it’s done for? Despite all, she’s genuinely still the love of my life and I’d really hate to see us walk different ways.
TL;DR: we do want to reconcile because we still have a lot of love for each other, but there have been a lot of things that happened in the past and now she is constantly angry or pissed with me, or ready to explode. Is taking distance the right thing to do to heal, or is there any other advice?