Hi all! I am newly dating after a pretty traumatic breakup a few years back. I am aware I have trust issues from this, and I have been working on them in therapy but I feel like I didn’t know the extent of them until I got back into dating. I feel like I’m being cold or standing in my own way because I’m so afraid to open up. I’m having a hard time telling if it’s legitimate (this guy isn’t safe) or I’m just self-sabotaging and pushing away.
For context I’ve been seeing this guy for about two months and we see each other often. Sometimes spending whole saturdays/Sunday mornings together. He is fun and we have a good vibe every time we hang out. The thing is it still feels too soon to bring up what we are doing. We have told each other we like being with the other, but beyond that I haven’t let him in much. I haven’t asked him if he is seeing other people and honestly I don’t even know if I’m ready for that. I think overall I’m just scared – I feel like I’m in this vicious cycle of keeping him at arms length because I’m unsure and then wishing I hadn’t. My last relationship was codependent and love-bomby so I can’t use that as a gauge, and I feel like I’m clueless how to progress things safely without getting burned.
I don’t know, it just feels like things aren’t moving forward because I’m scared of them moving forward. Any advice from recovering trust issue girlies is welcome!!
Comments
Maybe try keeping things surface level? Like, talk about what you both want longer term. I don’t consider that deep and I don’t see that as something that would lead to sharing things you’re not ready to. How much has he shared with you? Do you feel there is an imbalance because he’s being open and you’re not?
I also think being honest with him that you want to talk more about things but it’s complicated and you’re not ready to go there yet but you want to. I might be naïve, but that might help him know where you are, if he wants to meet you there, and give you tike to build some security so you feel comfortable opening up.
The tough part you’re right about is that you won’t know until you try. See how it goes, get a feel for where you’re at and communicate to him and your therapist about it.