My older sister (33) let me know that her boyfriend of 5 years doesn’t know if he wants to marry her because of how she reacts to situations. From the outside looking in, they look happy as hell. But being her younger brother (29), I know she can do a lot. It takes her forever to apologize sometimes and she will turn a small argument into a week long warfare. I want to give her some good advice because I know that news broke her heart. Realistically, I get it. I grew up with her lmaoo I know exactly why she is like this. But I think if she wants him/that relationship, growth is required.
Y’all let me know what I can tell her!
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This is an opportunity to help her become aware of what she might need to work on. It’s hard to give you specific advice since we don’t know exactly what’s going on, but it sounds like she trusts you enough to tell you about these sensitive topics. You’re a good brother for wanting to help her through this.
Two things are happening here that has little to do each other:
The boyfriend isn’t being completely truthful. If a man wants to marry, he will. He would have at least proposed to her. If her temper was so bad, why is he still with her? There are enough reasons for him to stay than to go, and not enough reasons for him to marry her. I have met men marry for less than that. If marriage is the endgame for your sister, she is going to be disappointed no matter what she does.
Your sister is old enough to learn to be more emotionally mature. Respond, not react. When she gets upset, she needs to shut up, walk away, calm down and sit with her feelings. She has to figure out what is making her so mad, and 99% it’s not what she and the boyfriend are arguing about. Example, she’s mad that he didn’t buy her flowers for Valentine’s Day. His response is that he forgot because he was busy all day or he thought he already celebrated that day with her earlier in the week. While she can get upset about that, she also have to look within and see that, she did not communicate her needs clearly thus she did not give him a chance to do right. She felt hurt, angry, and deep down it reminds her of the times when she was rejected or neglected, feeling of being unwanted by those she care about a lot. It’s more than just flowers.
Tell your sister to dump her boyfriend. After 5 years, people in their 30’s know whether they want to marry someone or not. “Not yes” means, “no”. Growth may be required; I don’t know. I know that if men want to propose, they do.