Divorce advice
Any advice for someone about to go through divorce with 2 kids? Sole provider for 5-6 years.
Nothing has been file yet but it is inevitable. Obviously its going to be hell and ill be paying her for years. But is there anything i probably dpnt see coming? Any little thing you wish youd have done to prepare?
I no longer have any family or friends or any support and will still have to work so i expect she will get full custody.
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i went through a quick divorce recently – not concluded yet but i expect it to be done by friday however we had no kids so, just here to wish a brother gl.
Get a decent lawyer/solicitor.
Be mindful that hell hath no fury like a woman getting divorced who sees you as an ATM.
Mine took me for half a million – it was not a pleasant experience.
What country are you in because a lot is different based on where you are.
It’s going to suck. you’re going to go through periods of intense grief, feelings of failure amongst others. My advice you should start on now, find a good therapist, take care of yourself.
Just because you have a job doesn’t mean she’s going to get the house or full custody. As long as you haven’t abused your kids or wife it’d be odd for the court to fully take away custody from you outright.
Start getting your plan for next steps in order.
Change all your shared or common passwords, take her off everything as emergency contact.
Pre warn your manager or HR.
Use birth control now to avoid another kid (she may get pregnant just out of spite).
Mine reported my credit cards as stolen, called manager to say I’m drug dealing and has stopped her pill.
Don’t move out of the house if you move out of the house, you could be basically opening up for her to sell it and give you half make sure you keep the house and fight like hell for your kids. Let the court know you can take care of them. You could provide them with daycare and you work your wife doesn’t. She would be depending on you to provide her income. I know this because I got custody of my three and my youngest was still in diapers.
Depends. If it’s inevitable but not started, dial back the workload &be a more present dad for sure. Softly coax her into getting a job. BEFORE YOU FILE. NEVER and I mean NEVER start the negotiations or dip any lower in negotiations than 50/50 child support and if you can, get more than 50%. Own a house?? DO NOT move out, ever into this is over. If she wants to keep it you can use that to negotiate your way out of alamony. Agreeing to take a larger portion of the marital debt when you split is also useful in negotiating down alamony. Wanting to play hardball means you than pull back on the house and demand a sale & split.. nothing about this is going to be about being nice so don’t feel into that trap… agree to nothing prior to divorce decree (you are not your ex’s atm) she’s a big girl and can get a damn job, they’re everywhere
Also, use mediator to start with.. cheaper
First to buckle losses. So don’t buckle
Good luck. It’s fun over here on the other side
I’ve been through a divorce. I have never seen such a perverted person on my money than my ex wife. She js absolutely crazy in her desire to rip me off as much as she can. Hired numerous lawyers to do that. We are many years in courts.
I wish you all good. Hope your wife won’t rip you off. But don’t be too frustrated if your wife will try to rip you off.
Best advice is to hire a lawyer and listen to them. Reddit is absolutely full of rampant information about divorce law written by people who have never been divorced (but heard about something second hand from their brother’s Dad’s friend) or were divorced in a different location that has different laws.
Other than that, therapy helped a lot to process it. And realize that people will project their own insecurities and hangups on your divorce when they talk with you about it so take it all with a big grain of salt.
And realize things are really changed now but it doesn’t always have to be for the worse.
Mercifully, mine was amicable and uncontested. She moved out and I kept the house. She pretty much just took her stuff and the little bit we had left in the joint account.
Remain kind and caring – you married her for a reason. Frame it not as a battle between spouses but as a web you’re both trapped in and need each other to help detangle. I’d suggest ensuring that she’s set up for success on the other side. Make sure she has a job, hobbies, friend group, maybe even a potential fling to rebound with. The more stable she feels, the less she’ll want to make it harder for you by clinging to what she had. Be aware of what you have as leverage, and keep your cards close to your chest. Know what concessions you’re willing to make.
Good on you for realizing how much life you have ahead of you! Don’t waste it being miserable. Best of luck.
Do everything you can to get as much custody as you can. Hopefully you’re in a 50/50 state.