So me and my gf were being intimate and she brought up how she made other guy finish by oral and I was the only one that didn’t in that moment I felt turned off and she notice and apologize. I expressed before I don’t like hearing stuff like that I don’t bring that up to her because why is disrespectful.now I feel no disere for her like what she said was hurtful.i been thinking for a bout two days and it’s kinda hard I just feel hurt when I think about it because I really want to know why she would say that.im looking for advice about how to go about this?
TL;DR:my gf made a comment that turned me off
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She’s wondering why you don’t get off on oral when she’s had success elsewhere.
She was not tactful about asking but she was hoping you’d have something reassuring to say or maybe an idea of why it doesn’t do it for you.
As a woman, that’s my best interpretation.
Nta neither of you. Your feelings are valid. You not coming by her oral could of made her insecure… like she is not satisfying you. So now she could feel like you are not attracted to her. Yes her comment was disrespectful but she could of said that out of frustration feeling like she doesn’t please you. You need to be transparent with her and express your true feelings. This situation could spike her insecurities. I know first hand because my guy has not been ejaculating lately . And I’ve never been with a guy who doesn’t ejaculate from penetration . So out of insecurity I told him he’s the issue. I could tell it hurt him. He has not spoken to me in days. The whole time he hasn’t communicated. It made me feel even more less attractive and confident. Please talk to her. Her intent and delivery could of been misunderstood.
She said that cause in a way she feels insecure that she can’t make you finish by oral. Tell her is not her that is you. That everyone is different.
It’s tough to know your girl was out there before you. You have to truly think if you really like her. If so you can move pass this. Not that deep. Maybe she said it trying to praise your stamina? Set a boundary and tell her you don’t want to hear about her past. I told my wife of ten years this after a similar situation before we got married. We’re happy af now
No one can tell you why she said that, except for her. Just ask her. Don’t be accusatory, but let her know it bothered you.
If I were to guess, though, I’d say she thinks it’s a problem that you want solved, and that she is the problem. I’ve heard many times over my long life that men prefer blowjobs to sex. They don’t need to do anything but enjoy the ride, and it can feel better.
I’ve been with my fair share of partners, and only one was not able to get off with blowjobs (from anyone). He enjoyed them, but at some point would turn to other pleasures. He didn’t care because he still got there. It might be the same for you.
If you are mature to have sex, you are mature enough to have tell each other what you like and dislike. It’s OK if that is not your thing.
With that in mind, she might want to do that for you
Without knowing the tone of the conversation it’s difficult to advise. However, it seems that she’s trying to say what she does worked with another guy so is expecting it to work with you. Which may not be the case for you.
Only you know if she was being defensive or aggressive, the rest of us weren’t there.
I would say if she meant it as a “this has worked before” comment, let it go and tell her what you like. If it was like a “what’s wrong with you” comment that’s not cool, I wouldn’t like that. However, if your problem is that she’s been with other people, that’ll be something you need to process yourself, as it’ll be difficult to find a partner that has had zero exposure to others.
Okay you told her how you feel but truth is she was sharing what she likes to do she was giving you I do granted it came out a bit wrong but a secure man wouldn’t be Thai silly about it sorry but seriously she was communicating what she wanted to do for you.