Myself 32F and my fiancé 34M have been together 11 years. Throughout that time we have gone through life’s ups and downs and downs.
A few years ago he was unemployed for 2 years and struggled to get a job (due to a toxic family situation where his mother said she would kick him out if he got a job as it would affect her benefits and job availability) eventually he got a job but during this time I was the sole earner, at that time I was only earning £800 a month and having to pay my own way and also be able to help him with a little bit of money to survive was difficult. It took a lot from me due to the stress and by the end of it I felt a husk of myself. I shut myself down throughout that time to deal with having little money and not doing anything as we had no money. Shutting myself down caused me to become distant with him.
Life is now very different, he has been working in a good job for the past 3 years, we live together, have savings and he completely cut contact with his toxic family. Our life is completely different.
But…I still feel disconnected to him from that time where things felt so stressful, traumatic and miserable. He feels a lot of remorse for this time, saying that he felt like he held us back and he should have ended things with me then so I didn’t have to suffer. I want to connect with him like we used to but feel that I have struggled to do that since this time.
I would love to bring that spark back between us and put the past trauma and hurt behind us. We are in a different situation to what we were then and I would love us to enjoy it and live life like we should together. I love him deeply but I feel at times I struggle to show this to him due to our past, I feel like I am protecting myself but I don’t know why.
TL;DR when through a stressful time due to job loss and would like to bring us back closer again