Wife 35F, husband 36M Together 9 years.
This morning I woke up and realised I was very close to my weight goal. I told my husband and suggested we celebrate by having a nice dinner out. We specified going further away than we normally do on a short notice meal.
I booked a place (not super fancy but still nice) and he was pleased. I went to take a shower and asked if he wanted to use it first.
His response was “oh I wasn’t going to shower”. I was taken by surprise. Firstly, he hasn’t showered in four days. Secondly, we’re clearly going on a date. I expressed this and he said “oh I definitely didn’t consider it a date. If it is, I’ll shower”. I said ok but I was surprisingly hurt.
I kept feeling like 1)How did he not understand it was a date? 2) why is that the only reason he’d shower after four days?
I came back and explained this to him. He said sorry and explained that to him, a date is a thing we organise in advance. He thought this was just “wife has extra calories she wants to enjoy” as opposed to a date.
I’m still feeling really hurt and I feel like cancelling the whole thing. I really want to move on and understand his view but I’m struggling. He is currently showering.
Comments
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He just had a different way of viewing it then you. Allow people to be different. It wasn’t anything to get this upset about, is there anything underlying that made your reaction “extra”. Like not washing for 4 days, do you have sex during that 4 days? Maybe you don’t feel he is putting enough effort into his appearance for you? Dig in and try to get to the root so resentments don’t grow.
Maybe next time tell him it’s going to be date night. My fiancé and I make date nights at least once a month. And I call it date night so she knows. It’s our quality time together. Plus, she knows we are also having sex that night, which helps her get into the mindset.
I am just stuck on ‘has not showered in 4 days’ that is either checked out or depression or possibly does not care, but should probably be discussed.
He really should be showering daily. Goodness.