I know some might think looking young is a blessing but it is a double edged sword at work.
I am a brown woman and I always get mistaken for a student when I have 10 years of experience in my field and a Masters. It doesn’t help that racism and being an immigrant triggers an inferiority complex in me.
I tried dressing older, but it just feels and looks off, as if I am overcompensating. Any help from fellow corporate women? My work entails going to corporate events and meetings.
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I walked into a boutique store that sells nice clothes and befriended the lady who sells clothes there. She had a Masters Degree in the arts, and she helped me buy a few pieces that I love, and never would have thought to buy on my own. Her eye for fashion suited to me was impeccable. She said she worked for some other large department store. Such a talent. I should’ve gotten her number. They are so skilled.
Is it a norm for people in your industry to wear a badge/ID? Maybe that will help identify you as a member of the faculty instead of a student.
Also, I make a variety of deliverables in my role (printables, slide decks, videos) and I always make sure to include my name as the creator and my photo whenever possible. It helps people to put my name to my face as the lady behind all the emails, etc.
Lastly, it totally depends on the size of your work environment, but I’ve worked at a place where there was a resource (a simple slide deck works) that includes all the employees pictures, names, roles, and an audio recording of them saying their name. I know I have used that resource often to help me get to know the few hundred people in that location.
I’m a fairly youthful-looking East Asian woman. I never really had a problem with people not taking me seriously other than back when I was a student intern, and then let’s be real, they probably shouldn’t have taken me seriously at that point in my (pre) career anyway.
But, yeah, even if the clothing might feel like a costume, you do have to wear it. Your overall styling also matters a lot, as well as the general way you carry yourself. I find that a lot of women (particularly younger women, but also older women as well) tend to do a lot of “up speak” even in the office. If you’re able to speak more assertively and eloquently and project a general air of confidence, that helps a lot.
Sure, there will be some people who might never take you seriously, especially if you’re a fellow woman of colour. However, if you go into the situations expecting people not to take you seriously and feeling nervous that you won’t be taken seriously, you’re already in the wrong mindset – you’re already focused on how you’re going to be perceived rather than how you’re going to deliver important information effectively, and that’s a rookie mistake.
Basically… take yourself seriously first, and then other people will follow.
I think a lot of women face this problem of not always being taken seriously in the workplace. My former bosses wife made a comment to him that I “looked and seemed too young” to be in my position. I’m in my mid thirties.
I sometimes wonder if it’s not so much as appearing youthful as it is people wanting to put “you in your place” or exercising some seniority complex. I understand your frustration, but I think it’s more of a sexism issue than anything. I don’t even think a lot of people are aware of how demeaning they can be in a professional work environment.
I had this problem in my 20s and my husband still has this problem in his 40s.
When I was 30, I was set up with a mentorship call with a woman who had received background from my mutual that I was struggling with disrespect in the workplace. We got 5 seconds into our Zoom call, and she laughed, and said oh I see the issue. You look very young. Then she told me she had the exact same problem at my age and there wasn’t anything for me to do. She told me to hang in there — the aging would come and fix itself. She said that’s how it worked out for her. One day she simply looked old enough.
She was right. 5 years later and I now have no problem receiving respect in the workplace with no change in behavior. I visually aged a little. That was all.
My poor husband though still gets mistaken for a 20 year old intern and gets carded for alcohol and he’s in his 40s. People absolutely treat him like he’s younger, less experienced, etc. in the corporate workplace.
At a party a few months ago when I mentioned his age, the eyes of all the men who didn’t know him widened and he suddenly received a lot of questions about his skincare routine. Men 10 years younger than him thought he was younger. So it seems people routinely clock him as 15-20 years younger than he actually is. When my Dad met him in person for the first time, my dad pulled me aside and seriously asked if I had checked his ID to confirm he was being honest about his age because my dad thought he looked 16 (my husband was 38 at the time).
He says getting married seems to be the only thing that helped in the workplace. He noticed a shift when he started wearing a wedding ring. Being married with kid (on the way) seems to be the only thing tipping people off in the corporate workplace that he’s older than he looks.
I’m a young looking 36 year old Asian. I let my work do the speaking. I fake it until I make it. I also never let anyone talk over me or belittle anymore. I let a lot go in the beginning, mostly due to my insecurity, but not anymore
In regards to personal style/professional style:
I work in a corporate office, and I used to try to mimic my boss’s style, and it never felt like it fit who I am. I didn’t like the clothes I bought, and I didn’t feel like myself in them.
I’ve had an easier time dressing for my workplace when I found folks online who work in corporate but better match my personal style. (For me, this was a lot of the “corporate goth” folks on Tiktok.)
It’s not a solution that will solve most of the barriers you’re talking about, but maybe it will feel better if you find some people to emulate who feel closer to your style.
Either way, hugs from afar. Navigating workplace dynamics is more of a challenge than I ever expected, and I’m sorry to hear that you’re also in that boat.
I was asked last week if this was my first job out of uni. I’m 42 😅 while i definitely don’t think I look like I’m in my 20s, I have always looked young for my age. I found this difficult in my 20s and 30s at time as I felt like people (men mostly) weren’t raking me seriously.
I still wore the clothes I wanted to wear, but tried to focus on my confidence and demeanor and asserting my maturity that way
Just dress professionally and have a strong personality. I’m 33, 5’3, petite, and frequently hear that I look mid-twenties. I used to hear I looked like a teenager. I’m in mortgage sales and also have to frequent networking events.
The other thing is to know your audience. If you don’t think old white men will listen, focus on the younger crowd. If you’re forced to socialize with people that don’t take you seriously, stand tall, back straight, take up space, lower your voice, and take charge. They’ll respond well. Don’t be rude, just assertive.
When I have to deal with the 40-50+ ultra masculine guys, I do the above and never had issues. It was when I was quiet and speaking softly that they didn’t take me seriously.
Edit: I forgot eye contact! I’ll stare a mofo down, they usually crack before I do lol. Obviously, don’t be weird and just stare without occasionally breaking eye contact, but maintaining confidence with it is super helpful.
I’m an East Asian woman in corporate leadership and I’ve learned you do just have to overcompensate and dress the part.
I also had to work on retraining my body language and tone and pitch of my voice to be more assertive.
See if you can take an executive presence class. They’ll coach you on this stuff.
35F here, senior data scientist with 12 years of experience. I have always loved my youthful looks way more than going up in ladder so I take it as a compliment 😂 it’s a blessing
You show them through your verbiage and intellect. Off the bat people underestimate me because I look younger than my age, but then boom💥I spew out years of knowledge : respect earned ✅!
I had this problem until I started working remote only positions in 2018. My husband also had my BS & MS degrees framed & installed them behind me, so they’re always in the frame of my video calls. That really sealed it.
You can’t tell my size on camera very well. Therefore, I don’t have that holding me back. I’m 4ft 8in tall, so people mistake me for a child from behind or an intern. Only recently, I started looking my age at 35 – thanks endometriosis.
You might not be able to read my degrees, but they’re there & look nice and fancy. Right behind & above my head. Just going on video, you can physically see that I have a bachelor’s & master’s degree.
Today I went to buy a theatre show ticket, and two different clerks earnestly offered me a student/school discount price. I’m 30-flurf, white, 5″8, dress like a tired Gen Xer, and have forehead lines & tits that aren’t as perky as they used to be once. So I don’t know if everyone’s just blind, or I have a babyface and cherub aura.
Might have to start wearing a fake wedding ring, a corporate lanyard, or some sort of small signifying object for a baby (I have no child or spouse, by design)
I’m 36 going on 37 and look young for my age (probably late 20s or early 30s). I’m also an Asian woman and one of the only two in my company. I have been the target of ageism at work before.
For example, clients see me as someone to mentor and mold instead of a professional. They don’t listen to my ideas until older coworkers step in to pitch the same exact ideas (I know this because I asked them to and gave them the exact same material) and the ideas get adopted immediately without much convincing or discussion.
Also, some coworkers don’t take me seriously because I was selected to be in a management position in my early 30s and my responsibilities are ever growing. There are older coworkers who have discreetly shown that they think they should be in my position instead through things they say to me or through their behaviors.
Either way, it is a constant battle. I dress professionally (no tight skirts, no tight anything really – only form fitting and good quality material); when I attend corporate events, I never “let loose” and I limit myself to two drinks tops; I work hard and respect people’s time; I don’t participate or entertain office drama or gossip; and I treat everyone with respect and help when I can.
I do all I can to build long lasting relationships and behave in a way where no one can come and say I’m not deserving of my position now or in the future. But even so, there will be people who believe you aren’t. All you can really do is focus on what you can control and not worry about what you cannot.
I always do like a clean girl aesthetic make up look but I make sure to keep the under eye circles so I look a little tired (mine aren’t too bad) always make sure you don’t look too put together — like look boring (I also get mistaken for being much younger than I really am or too fab in work settings)
41 year old brown woman and got asked if I’m a college student at work just yesterday.
Not wearing makeup makes me look younger, so I do try to wear a bold lip to age myself. And yes dressing older helps. It doesn’t matter if that’s “me” or not. I can dress like me outside of work or on days when I simply am too tired to care about how I am perceived at work (beyond the basics).
But I have also made it a point to be a little less “myself,” meaning less buoyant/smiley in my personality, and a little more straight to business. I feel that makes people more reserved around me and gives me older energy. But honestly, I don’t stress it too much. If someone makes a cutesy comment inferring I’m young, I’ll just be direct about my age. Like yesterday, I told the person I am way past those years.
There’s also age discrimination in the reverse and looking younger might buy me some years down the road, so that’s the other side of things.
Everyone is talking about appearance, but I have a different take… it’s about attitude at least as much as style. I’ve been taken seriously, even when I was fresh out of school and probably shouldn’t have been… it’s confidence. I belong because I decided I do and fuck anybody trying to tell me otherwise, that’s their problem and they will learn to take me seriously.
I had to, there was no other way…, I was an analyst running a stakeholder group full of ceos. Everyone had at least 20 years of experience and age on me. I was the token young person for a decade (kind of still am in some ways).
Fake it until you make it, be serious when you are serious. Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault or are just someone’s opinion. Take up space, own it. My attitude has always been that I’m nice, helpful, patient and all that to a point…. Step over that line and it will be the last time you trifle with me. You will also never get my help again. You’ll have to compensate me for the favour.
Well behaved women rarely make history. Having people take you seriously normally involves behaving in ways that aren’t particularly nice.
I have a mantra Ive used since I started that I think of before tough meetings or negotiations… just think to yourself “what would a white man do?” And then do a slightly more professional version of that.
I’m 37 and I have a slightly different take. I want to look 37 forever as a woman in tech. I think if we look too young then no one will take us seriously, but if we look too old people assume we’re set in our ways and can’t learn new things.
Slightly different take on the problem, I don’t pay attention to what people think (takes some discipline and I’m terrible at reading a room anyways). It doesn’t matter what people think because if they work with me for more than 2 minutes they’ll know I’m serious and it’s time to get to work.
Lean into more bold/current trend professional clothing. You need to balance your internalized inferiority with an exterior that screams “Try me. I’ll likely need to correct you.” It’s goofy how the right choice of clothing can intimidate people in just the right way. Nordstrom has a reputable service for helping people shop for body type and arena in which they are trying to cloth themselves.
Find a mantra or self prayer that feels right that reminds you you’re a badass no matter what you look like. It could be ever changing and hella specific too. Like “I am more deserving of recognition than Kevin. I am more professional than Kevin. I am killing this project. I am consistent with my exercise. And don’t react to anything Karen says today. Her words mean nothing to me. I am proud of myself.”
Even if you feel silly at first, repeat it to yourself everyday. Edit to add: repeat it everyday out loud to yourself. Make yourself hear your own hype.
I feel you. It sucks. The only thing I’ve found that works is to “show them”. 🙄
Embrace it!!!!
As a now over 60 career woman — well, no longer a career woman because I can’t get a job now – because I am too old.
When everyone thought I was the youngest on the team – I was the superstar, I was the go-to person, I was the one who got things done. I got promotions and raises and all kinds of awards.
Now that I no longer pass for the youngest on the team – well, I can’t even get an offer in my field any more. Even with an MBA. I’m thinking about a facelift and just not mentioning my age.
I am on the young-looking side. It doesn’t help that I’m kind of introverted/quiet, which leads people to assume I’m younger and less experienced than I am.
On the first day of my current job, an older colleague looked at me and sweetly asked if it was my “first job ever.” At that point it was my ninth year…uggh.
At this point, I’ve just accepted that I come off as young and try to not let it impact me. Looking a certain age isn’t required for me to do my job well and I do everything that’s required of me otherwise.
If people want to make judgements, that’s on them. I personally never try to evaluate people based on their appearance or other things they can’t change. At this point, all that matters to me in a colleague is professionalism, basic respect and decency.
One day you might look back at this place in time and think “what was I thinking?” I’ve had similar situations when I was just starting out, and my contemporaries were also quite young looking. I say just ride it out, be confident but not Cocky, and one day, you’ll be older and looking for wrinkle cream (I’m joking, but honestly, life goes by so fast, just enjoy the ride).
I’m 35 and have been regularly told I look 26. I just drop my age range to the office gossip and let them do the rest. I also drop subtle hints occasionally like movies I saw new as a kid and remembering historic events when they happened kind of thing. Took a bit to get around but helped significantly.