Honestly, it’s not just his mom.. it’s his whole family. It all started during the election when I was posting things that didn’t align with their beliefs. Ever since then, it’s only gotten worse. His mom, especially, tries to control everything we do. When my boyfriend tries to talk to her about how it affects us, she acts like he’s being disrespectful or attacking her. She refuses to take any accountability and always plays the victim.
What makes it harder is that my boyfriend does stick up for me always. He’s talked to her multiple times, he defends me in front of them, and we’ve even gone to therapy to try to work through the issues she causes. But no matter what he says or how calmly we try to approach it, they never actually listen. It’s like they’re stuck in their own narrative and refuse to see how their behavior is hurting us.
She constantly talks badly about me criticizing how I eat (even though I eat clean and take care of myself), what I post on social media (which is my right it’s a free country — and she’s welcome to unfollow me), and even just my personality. I’ve always had a strong personality, and I shouldn’t have to apologize for that. But no matter what I do or say, she finds a way to nitpick it.
She’s also made comments about how I don’t cook or help out when I’m at their house — but I’m 23, and I honestly don’t feel welcome or comfortable there. It doesn’t feel like a home, it feels like walking on eggshells. I don’t expect my boyfriend to do chores at my parents’ house unless I specifically ask, but his mom expects me to just know what she wants without saying a word — like I’m supposed to read her mind.
Things hit a breaking point over the weekend. His whole family got into a fight at a family party in front of other people all because of me. They were yelling at him, saying I disrespect them all the time. But I don’t. If someone is yelling at me or coming at me aggressively, I’m not just going to sit there quietly and take it I’m going to stand up for myself. For example, at that party, I walked over and they started yelling, saying “we need to talk about this right now.” I calmly said, “I’m not talking to you while you’re screaming at me,” and I walked away. That’s not disrespect that’s me setting a boundary.
I’m young, and I know I don’t deserve to be treated like this by anyone especially not my boyfriend’s family. I’ve tried to be respectful, but I also have to protect my peace. There’s a lot more to the story, but at this point I’m exhausted, disrespected, and honestly still shocked that I’m even in this situation.
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Does he live w them? Are you over all the time? I guess it wouldn’t hurt to offer to wash the dishes after dinner every once in a while if you’re always having dinner at their house. But she definitely shouldn’t be assigning you chores.
Honestly, I would stop being around them. It will protect your peace, and they may start acting more polite if they start seeing him less.