I work for a big international company. A male colleague (let’s call him Bob) is in a relationship with my manager (Anna). Quite a few people are upset with this situation as Bob obviously reports into Anna, and Anna decides his end of year bonus as well as ensures he gets to do the least work and the most exposure to senior management. No one else from our team is allowed to present to seniors except Bob. No one else is allowed to travel abroad for conferences etc expect Bob (ofc with Anna!). Bob is also married, Anna is a single woman.
I have spoken to numerous people about it, everyone says it’s terrible, but only one person actually reported them to HR. HR’s response was that the person reporting has no evidence.
What can realistically be done in this situation? I have met them in the city a few times outside work (by accident) and they were extremely uncomfortable with meeting me. I have not reached the stage where I would go around taking pictures of them, but it is getting a bit out of control.
Comments
This favoritism is toxic and can ruin your team. Gather proof and unite your colleagues because HR only acts when the pressure is real.
“I have not reached the stage where I would go around taking pictures of them, but it is getting a bit out of control.”
It sounds to me as though there is a deeply rooted problem with your company’s management.
I managed thousands of people during a 40 year professional career, and I can tell you with great certainty that those sort of deeply rooted dysfunctionalities are almost always unresolvable barring some desire at the leadership level for a change in the status quo.
And believe it or not, HR is often aware of these sorts of problems, but those in charge of HR often prefer to sweep things under the rug — so that they themselves can keep their jobs.
That is the nature of most any bureaucracy, unfortunately… especially when it comes to things like office romances (and the real or imagined impact those relationships are having on other people who work for the company), and for which ironclad proof is often elusive.
Respectfully, if the situation is intolerable to you, you have the option of finding other employment.
And if you start taking pictures of these people, I suspect that finding other employment will be precisely what happens to you, whether you like it or not. Regards.
Fuck HR they’re not your friend. Tell his wife
You’re not crazy, this is textbook conflict of interest and favoritism but without hard proof HR will keep playing dumb so unless Bob’s wife nukes it or someone catches emails/screenshots you’re basically stuck watching the corporate soap opera unfold.
Tell his wife. Plain and simple. Let her take it from there.
Tell his wife. She’ll get the evidence.
Get a new job and leave them be
Keep your husband away from my daughter, Put where his wife can see it.
Technically there is no law against a manager being in a relationship with a direct report in the U.K.. So it’s entirely down to your company policy and procedures (conflict of interest etc.) whether there is even anything wrong (from an employment not moral perspective).
HR are right, without some form of evidence there is nothing that can be done about the alleged affair. Something in writing that is incriminating or multiple witnesses seeing them do something over the line. Meeting people in town and you thinking it’s awkward is not over the line – kissing, touching inappropriately etc would be.
HR have to follow the law, if everyone got fired or disciplined for someone making an allegation with no evidence at all then it would be chaos. Nothing in your post actually shows they are having an affair, even if the special treatment is wrong. You need more than “I think they are” to trigger an investigation.
Don’t take pictures of them or even be tempted. Doing so and sharing them could get you in a lot of trouble through GDPR.
What you could do is consider raising a grievance about the alleged special treatment. May still get you nowhere as I imagine they will argue he has X skills or is high performing, or another reason as to why it occurs. However, that’s your only real recourse if you are determined to take some kind of action.
Call Bob’s wife.
Watch everything burn.
Fucking Cheater! His wife deserves the truth, perhaps do it anonymously?
Stay out of it.
Type a note. Send it to the wife in the mail. Keep it general so they can’t figure out who exactly sent it, but they know it’s someone from the office. Or, send the letter so everyone thinks it’s from Anna confessing to the wife.
You don’t need evidence of the affair, you need evidence of unfair management practice. If Bob is the only one going to conferences and presenting to upper management and whatnot, these should be pretty easy claims to demonstrate and then it’s just a matter of getting your team all on board with going to HR with a complaint about how your team is being run. They’re going to be much more responsive to a potential revolt from the workforce than they are likely to go snooping into Bob’s love life, (all the more so if you’re unionized.)
Blowing up Bob’s marriage to get the outcomes in the office that you want is bad advice that could come back to haunt you, especially if you can’t prove it and are implicated in messing with his personal life outside of work. Focus on how this affects you and your coworkers, rather than the moral implications that you won’t have much legal grounds to fight on.
Keep your mouth shut and find a new job. Stick to what is in your control.
Why do people think they need to be the gatekeepers of morality?
Ok hold up.
HR said there was no evidence. Are you 100% sure about this or is this a case of favouritism vs something else?
In my old company this would have gotten both of them fired.