how do people who’ve grown up with self-hate actually use daily affirmations the way therapists recommend?
not even being cynical just genuinely asking
like how does someone who’s always disliked themselves and kept moral policing their own thoughts just to not seem self-absorbed suddenly start looking into the mirror and say something like “damn you’re actually kinda nice today”
it feels fake it feels like you’re sugarcoating a deep-rooted belief with crumbling words that don’t even stick
when i used to meditate on the atom app it would always say stuff like “clap for yourself you’re doing great” and i’d just sit there feeling more disconnected because if that kind of acceptance could be forced into us we would’ve already become those effortlessly confident people right
truth is i crave validation and unless someone else says something like “you actually did so well” it doesn’t feel like success to me
so yeah if there’s anyone who has felt this kind of self-hate since childhood and somehow made daily affirmations work how did you start how did it not feel fake
not the “be consistent and it’ll come” stuff i mean the real gritty in-between
and also how does one’s process of self-love actually start
like except those typical things we’re always told to do like say affirmations journal meditate romanticize small things none of that works on me
it all feels too fake or too performative
i’m too aware that i’m doing it just to do it and that kills the point because it never comes naturally
this feels like something i’ve never really figured out
if you have maybe tell me how you did
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Humans are inherently relational; the main way we internalize positive self-concept is through relationality. That’s why therapy with an actual human is infinitely more effective than apps or AI chatbots can ever be. Self-hatred is best addressed by finding a good attachment-oriented therapist.
Two things:
“Fake itsurvive until you make it” is a real thing, in many facets of life.How did that self hate come about? I’m willing to bet, it was someone (possibly yourself) who repeated it to you until it internalized. So you are just repeating the process in reverse.
For example, I hate how I look. I’ve hated how I looked since I was a kid. However, starting in high school my mantra, false at the time was “I don’t care how I look”. And now, outside of specific circumstances and events, I don’t care about how I look. (And even then, I still don’t care, I just want to be good enough to avoid negative inference).
it’s all cognitive dissonance. Saying it makes you feel weird because you don’t believe it, so you don’t stick with the affirmations. You have to try to believe the affirmations. You have to take them seriously