Note: English is not my first language so I have used writing tools to refine my text.
TW – pHy$icaL @bu$e, SuBst@nc3 @bu$e
I (22F) became friends with Y (23F) during our freshman year of college. She told us she didn’t have any friends from school because, according to her, everyone had been mean and avoided her for reasons she couldn’t understand. She said this had really affected her self-image and made her feel insecure. At the time, I was also struggling with self-image issues, so we connected over that and bonded. We said we will always support and be there for each other.
In our second year, she started dating a guy from our class, even though he was clearly toxic. She only told me about the relationship, and when they broke up, she vanished—stopped talking to everyone. Her ex began calling me repeatedly, asking where she was, venting, and pushing me to convince her to take him back. It started affecting my mental health, and my friends urged me to distance myself. Just when I thought it was over, she decided to get back with him. I couldn’t handle it alone anymore, so another friend and I went to her place to try to change her mind.
Around the same time, we had an important oral assessment. Mine went badly, and she claimed hers went well. Later, when N (22F) and I were talking to classmates, we learned that everyone had been graded harshly, but the professor promised to make up for it. We decided not to tell Y immediately, thinking there was no need to ruin her mood. But the next day, someone else told her, and when she found out that N and I knew beforehand, she accused us of hiding it on purpose. She said we were jealous of her and were hoping she’d fail. It was so out of the blue, it caught both N and me off guard. A few days later, she acted like nothing happened, and we chose to move on.
The next semester, she got extremely sloppy. Even though she lived on campus, she was always late to class, and it became our responsibility to wake her up every morning so she could attend. We did this for months. One day, we followed the usual routine—called her, she said she’d be there in a few minutes—but class started before she arrived. The professor had a strict no-phone policy, so we couldn’t warn her. She showed up late and was told to leave. When class ended, she stormed out and yelled at us, claiming we deliberately didn’t help her, that we were jealous and trying to drag her down. She even compared us to the girls from her high school who she claimed ganged up on her. I lost my cool and walked away. But once again, she apologized later, saying she was scared of abandonment. I forgave her—again. BIG MISTAKEEEEEE!!!!!
In our final year, I started dating H (21F). Since Y was religious, she started avoiding me. I didn’t mind—I was tired of all the drama and was finally happy. Some backstory: Y had a guy friend from her school whom she cut off because he became obsessive and stalked her. Out of nowhere, she reconnected with him and suddenly couldn’t stop talking about how amazing he was, how she regretted turning him down in the past, and how things were now perfect.
We all knew Y had poor taste in men. Soon enough, this guy started pressuring her to get physical, which she refused due to her religious beliefs. He didn’t take it well—he used $uBst@nc3$, threatened to go back to his ex, and became emotionally manipulative. Again, I had to get involved. When things got out of hand, I asked others to help me talk to her. But as always, she forgave him and went back, acting like everything was fine.
One day, during a date, he told her his dad had h!t his mom—and that she deserved it. When she asked if he’d ever h!t her, he said it “depended on her.” She told me this casually, like it was no big deal. I was horrified. She even tried to justify it, saying he wouldn’t do it unless she did something wrong—and why would she do something wrong? I couldn’t talk to her without getting angry, so I asked N to speak with her. That ended with both of us frustrated, because Y didn’t see the issue. Instead, she started avoiding us, saying we were just jealous and trying to sabotage her relationship—again.
Eventually, he cheated on her, and once again, we had to help her through the breakup. She leaned on us heavily, and we supported her like always.
Then finals came. I was going through a really hard time personally, and I didn’t do well—I ended up failing. Y texted me once to ask about my results. When I told her I failed, she disappeared. She knew how rough things were for me, yet never checked in again. That really hurt.
Six months passed with no contact, and then she messaged me like nothing had happened. She went straight into talking about her own problems. I ignored her, and she got upset that I was leaving her texts on delivered. I told her she abandoned me when I needed her most. She denied it and claimed she did check on me—through N. I knew this wasn’t true, because N and I were still close, and N never heard a word from Y.
When I confronted her with screenshots of our old chats, she backtracked and said she was going through a lot, needed space, and couldn’t handle everything. Then she said I had H, so I shouldn’t have felt alone. That was incredibly hurtful. I asked her if it would’ve been okay if I had left her to deal with all her bad relationships alone. She said that was “different.”( How??)
She then claimed she asked about me through N (she didn’t), and I called her out. I said I would’ve understood if she had messaged me even once to say she needed space. Instead, she acted like everything was fine just so she could dump her emotions on me.
Then came the kicker: she admitted she didn’t want to deal with me and was giving me space to “calm down” so we could be friends again. I asked her, what friends? She said she was just checking in. I lost it. She made it clear she didn’t want to help me through my darkest time—and now wanted to resume friendship like nothing had happened.
She told me she was tired of putting up with my drama and just wanted to check in. That’s when I said maybe she should’ve stood up to her toxic boyfriends like she was standing up to me. She called me “mean” and said I’d always been like this. I knew that would sting—and honestly, I wanted it to.
I’d supported her through so much over the years. For her to say that she was done with MY DRAMA??, after ghosting me when I failed and was at my lowest, was infuriating. Of course, she had to flip the narrative again—saying she was always the victim, the world was against her, and that I was ungrateful for her selfless effort to “check in” after six months.
I was exhausted. I ended the conversation and walked away.
Two days later, she messaged again, saying she was having a rough day during our fight and hoped I could understand. She said time apart had been hard and she wanted to reconnect. I told her our friendship had always been one-sided, and now that I was doing better, she was coming back because I could once again handle her emotional baggage. I told her we should end things here.
She left me on read, then blocked me on all social media—which honestly was a relief. I finally felt free. The time apart helped me see through her manipulative patterns and realize how much I’d put up with in the name of friendship.
But now, a few mutual friends say I was too harsh and shouldn’t have ended a four-year friendship over this “small dispute”. I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I’m not used to cutting people off—I usually avoid conflict and try to work things out. But with Y, I truly feel like I hit my limit.
So… AITA for walking away from this friendship?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Note: English is not my first language so I have used writing tools to refine my text.
TW – pHy$icaL @bu$e, SuBst@nc3 @bu$e
I (22F) became friends with Y (23F) during our freshman year of college. She told us she didn’t have any friends from school because, according to her, everyone had been mean and avoided her for reasons she couldn’t understand. She said this had really affected her self-image and made her feel insecure. At the time, I was also struggling with self-image issues, so we connected over that and bonded. We said we will always support and be there for each other.
In our second year, she started dating a guy from our class, even though he was clearly toxic. She only told me about the relationship, and when they broke up, she vanished—stopped talking to everyone. Her ex began calling me repeatedly, asking where she was, venting, and pushing me to convince her to take him back. It started affecting my mental health, and my friends urged me to distance myself. Just when I thought it was over, she decided to get back with him. I couldn’t handle it alone anymore, so another friend and I went to her place to try to change her mind.
Around the same time, we had an important oral assessment. Mine went badly, and she claimed hers went well. Later, when N (22F) and I were talking to classmates, we learned that everyone had been graded harshly, but the professor promised to make up for it. We decided not to tell Y immediately, thinking there was no need to ruin her mood. But the next day, someone else told her, and when she found out that N and I knew beforehand, she accused us of hiding it on purpose. She said we were jealous of her and were hoping she’d fail. It was so out of the blue, it caught both N and me off guard. A few days later, she acted like nothing happened, and we chose to move on.
The next semester, she got extremely sloppy. Even though she lived on campus, she was always late to class, and it became our responsibility to wake her up every morning so she could attend. We did this for months. One day, we followed the usual routine—called her, she said she’d be there in a few minutes—but class started before she arrived. The professor had a strict no-phone policy, so we couldn’t warn her. She showed up late and was told to leave. When class ended, she stormed out and yelled at us, claiming we deliberately didn’t help her, that we were jealous and trying to drag her down. She even compared us to the girls from her high school who she claimed ganged up on her. I lost my cool and walked away. But once again, she apologized later, saying she was scared of abandonment. I forgave her—again. BIG MISTAKEEEEEE!!!!!
In our final year, I started dating H (21F). Since Y was religious, she started avoiding me. I didn’t mind—I was tired of all the drama and was finally happy. Some backstory: Y had a guy friend from her school whom she cut off because he became obsessive and stalked her. Out of nowhere, she reconnected with him and suddenly couldn’t stop talking about how amazing he was, how she regretted turning him down in the past, and how things were now perfect.
We all knew Y had poor taste in men. Soon enough, this guy started pressuring her to get physical, which she refused due to her religious beliefs. He didn’t take it well—he used $uBst@nc3$, threatened to go back to his ex, and became emotionally manipulative. Again, I had to get involved. When things got out of hand, I asked others to help me talk to her. But as always, she forgave him and went back, acting like everything was fine.
One day, during a date, he told her his dad had h!t his mom—and that she deserved it. When she asked if he’d ever h!t her, he said it “depended on her.” She told me this casually, like it was no big deal. I was horrified. She even tried to justify it, saying he wouldn’t do it unless she did something wrong—and why would she do something wrong? I couldn’t talk to her without getting angry, so I asked N to speak with her. That ended with both of us frustrated, because Y didn’t see the issue. Instead, she started avoiding us, saying we were just jealous and trying to sabotage her relationship—again.
Eventually, he cheated on her, and once again, we had to help her through the breakup. She leaned on us heavily, and we supported her like always.
Then finals came. I was going through a really hard time personally, and I didn’t do well—I ended up failing. Y texted me once to ask about my results. When I told her I failed, she disappeared. She knew how rough things were for me, yet never checked in again. That really hurt.
Six months passed with no contact, and then she messaged me like nothing had happened. She went straight into talking about her own problems. I ignored her, and she got upset that I was leaving her texts on delivered. I told her she abandoned me when I needed her most. She denied it and claimed she did check on me—through N. I knew this wasn’t true, because N and I were still close, and N never heard a word from Y.
When I confronted her with screenshots of our old chats, she backtracked and said she was going through a lot, needed space, and couldn’t handle everything. Then she said I had H, so I shouldn’t have felt alone. That was incredibly hurtful. I asked her if it would’ve been okay if I had left her to deal with all her bad relationships alone. She said that was “different.”( How??)
She then claimed she asked about me through N (she didn’t), and I called her out. I said I would’ve understood if she had messaged me even once to say she needed space. Instead, she acted like everything was fine just so she could dump her emotions on me.
Then came the kicker: she admitted she didn’t want to deal with me and was giving me space to “calm down” so we could be friends again. I asked her, what friends? She said she was just checking in. I lost it. She made it clear she didn’t want to help me through my darkest time—and now wanted to resume friendship like nothing had happened.
She told me she was tired of putting up with my drama and just wanted to check in. That’s when I said maybe she should’ve stood up to her toxic boyfriends like she was standing up to me. She called me “mean” and said I’d always been like this. I knew that would sting—and honestly, I wanted it to.
I’d supported her through so much over the years. For her to say that she was done with MY DRAMA??, after ghosting me when I failed and was at my lowest, was infuriating. Of course, she had to flip the narrative again—saying she was always the victim, the world was against her, and that I was ungrateful for her selfless effort to “check in” after six months.
I was exhausted. I ended the conversation and walked away.
Two days later, she messaged again, saying she was having a rough day during our fight and hoped I could understand. She said time apart had been hard and she wanted to reconnect. I told her our friendship had always been one-sided, and now that I was doing better, she was coming back because I could once again handle her emotional baggage. I told her we should end things here.
She left me on read, then blocked me on all social media—which honestly was a relief. I finally felt free. The time apart helped me see through her manipulative patterns and realize how much I’d put up with in the name of friendship.
But now, a few mutual friends say I was too harsh and shouldn’t have ended a four-year friendship over this “small dispute”. I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I’m not used to cutting people off—I usually avoid conflict and try to work things out. But with Y, I truly feel like I hit my limit.
So… AITA for walking away from this friendship?
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