My husband and I have been together for four years, married for one. It’s been gnawing at me for months that marrying him was a mistake and I am unhappy.
It was good in the beginning, seemingly I guess. I guess I should have seen the love bombing as a sign. We moved in together after 3 months of dating which looking at it now was a red flag. He proposed after 4 months of dating and we had a long engagement. I didn’t want to get married right away and I wanted to make sure we were compatible before we got even more serious. And it seemed like we were, we had common interests and similar thoughts and opinions on most things. Everybody was really happy for us, but cautious because we’d both been through some shitty relationships prior to meeting each other.
Fast forward and all we are doing is fighting. I want to and have been working on building and fixing my credit and saving for a down payment on a house, while he can’t seem to be bothered. He opened another credit card without telling me and he’s already in so much debt. He’s been shopping on TikTok shop and amazon like he’ll never have money again-at this rate I’m pretty sure he won’t. He’s been put on a final warning at his job and he’s really procrastinating even looking or applying for others, despite my asking and offering to help.
I was out of a job since September of last year due to new management coming into my previous job and cleaning house, and he’s been openly resentful of that since despite me applying to every job I could. I was able to find a part time job in November and I stayed there till March as I finally was able to find a full time job to cover the bills.
He talks to me like I’m stupid and while we both work full time now, it’s only me cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and taking care of the animals and bills. He goes to bed anywhere between 12 AM and 3 AM and won’t get up until noon the next day. He expects the house to be totally silent until he decides to grace me with his presence.
Guys. I’m so tired of living like this. I feel taken advantage of. I hate how he speaks to my dogs, and to me about my dogs. I hate that he thinks he can make executive decisions about me and our relationship and I don’t get an input. None of this is what I agreed to when we got together and I feel like I’m seeing who he actually is the last year.
I’m done and even trying to talk about how I feel with him basically means nothing. I honestly regret marrying him and I’m ready to ask him to pack and move out.
Comments
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Did his job situation and bad money management only recently become apparent?
Hey op! I’m sorry to hear that things have taken a turn for the worse. I honestly wish you peace. There’s a lot to say about the morality of modern day men and their expectations when it comes to contributions to the relationship and the household. You should not be giving more effort when you guys are in similar jobs situations, and your assessment of feeling taken advantage of is legitimate.
He is responsible for maintaining the integrity of the relationship as much as you are. However its apparent that you are giving more effort than he’s ever given.
I hope you don’t blame yourself for the time and effort you invested, even if the red flags seem obvious now. We can all be oblivious to red flags when our personal feelings outweigh the stark reality.
My best suggestion is to quietly plan relocation for him or yourself in case things turn sour. Keep these plans away from him until you are ready to execute them. Tell a trusted friend or family member if you can and remember you are not alone. Even people that you think you know can turn in an instant given the nature of certain circumstances
I’m wishing you the best of luck and lots of love. Take care.
Hiya.
Have you tried relationship counselling? Has he tried individual counselling? If he’s refused both it’s time to go
Its only gonna get worse. I’ve been in your shoes similarly and it has not been good. It’s ok to leave and to feel how u feel
have you ever sat him down & told him things you mentioned here?
No kids? No property? I would be gone yesterday.
Why would you stay with him? Are there any reasons keeping you in the relationship?
Watch out for your credit rating, his bad credit card habits could wreck it. It could be a problem if and when you leave him.
“He talks to me like I’m stupid…” >DEALBREAKER<
Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them. the first time.”
The struggle you’re about to endure is not worse than the struggle you’re walking out of. I wish you all the best.