I’ve been with my girlfriend for two years now. Lately, we’ve been arguing a lot, and I’ve been feeling really misunderstood and emotionally drained.
She works at a strip club where her income is based on commission — how many drinks she has with clients — and tips.
Yesterday, I asked her something very simple. The kind of thing I could easily ask a friend or a family member without any drama. But she suddenly got really angry, shouted at me, and told me to get out of her life.
I was completely shocked. It broke me. I started crying — it hurt deeply.
Later, she came to apologize and held me in her arms. I didn’t respond. I just stayed still.
Then she went to work as usual.
At 3 a.m., she texted me saying she was going to a nightclub with her friends to party.
She finally came back home around 7 a.m., acting like nothing happened, and tried to cuddle with me as if everything was normal.
I don’t know… sometimes I just feel like an object to her, like I’m only there when it suits her.
I felt terrible the whole night. I cried a lot while she was out partying and I didn’t even know what to think anymore.
I’ve never been the kind of guy who worries about his girlfriend cheating — but now, I’m so anxious, I can’t help it.
Comments
From what you described, it seems like there’s a pattern where your emotional needs aren’t being met, and instead of working through conflicts together, she shuts down or distances herself. That’s not a healthy dynamic. A relationship should be a safe space, not a source of emotional exhaustion. It might help to ask yourself: Do you feel respected and valued in this relationship? Do you feel like your feelings matter to her? If the answer is no, then you might need to reconsider if this relationship is truly bringing you happiness or just causing pain. At the very least, you deserve an open and honest conversation about how you’re feeling. But if she continues to dismiss or ignore your emotions, it may be time to think about whether this relationship is truly right for you. You’re not an object, and you deserve a partner who treats you with care and respect.
She left the relationship a long time ago. The increasing in fights and her acting nothing happened. She is cheating and manipulate you.
Older dude here. Maybe I can help you get a few insights. First, stop analyzing everything around your own emotions. It’s not that they’re not valid, it’s just that it’s not where you will find the answers you’re looking for.
She has internal conflicts – everyone does, to different degrees. Working in a strip club, even just as a waitress makes that obvious. Whatever question you asked raised those internal conflicts to the surface. I think you have an idea that whatever you asked would do that. It’s passive-aggressive to do that sort of thing. Stop.
If you want to be with her, you have to be on her side, whatever the situation may be. If you can’t be on her side, then you shouldn’t be with her. Right now she has to manage her own internal conflicts, and you seem to be on the wrong side of those conflicts.
Also keep in mind that partying with her friends is one of her comfort zones. She went out at 3AM not to hurt you but rather to get her mind off the conflict, that she’s at least as aware of as you are.
Learn to talk honestly with her, without passive-aggression, supporting her. I’m pretty sure that you too have your own internal conflicts, that you should share with her. If you can both get to be on the same side of things, supporting each other at every step, only then you can build a relationship that’s worth saving.