EDIT: for me its the freedome of doing anything, and after a rough day with a toddler when i look him in the eyes when he goes to sleep and kiss him on the head and he smiles it hits me that it was totally worth it.
After having a family, what is the one thing you miss the most from the time before the kids came and does having a family outweight that?
r/AskMen
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Being able to lie in on a saturday morning.
Yes.
*Sort by “no”
hard to nail down what i miss the most, but i’d say most of the things i miss fall under the “freedom” umbrella. freedom to do what i want, when i want, where i want. not having to get a babysitter just to go to a restaurant with my wife
but yes having a family far outweighs that because (aside from all the “i love my kids” feelings stuff) if i didn’t have kids, i would be wasting 99% of my free time instead of making the most of the limited free time i have now.
Losing sleep with a new baby was pretty rough. I knew it was coming and prepared for it as best I could, but it still hits you hard when it happens.
But it was absolutely worth it. One hundred percent. And I’d do it all over again if I could.
Wouldn’t trade my family for anything in the world despite the time/energy/everything it takes to give them the attention they need and deserve.
Having “free time”. Used to have the ability to be spontaneous and “see what was going on” this weekend etc. Not anymore. Need to plan out everything, and if you don’t you don’t end up doing anything but sitting around the house because it takes so much effort to mobilize the troops to do x activity with all the proper gear/clothing/water bottles etc.
But as I reflect on it, I wonder what my life would have been like prior to kids if I made more plans in advance, instead of being as spontaneous as I was. Pros and cons to both but I rather like the planning things out, but the fact of the matter is after you have kids it’s very hard to be spontaneous outside of your normal routine.
Another way of putting it: like steering a giant cruise liner vs steering a speed boat
Sleep and money. But family provides far more benefits, would not trade it for anything.
Totally worth it. Just miss my freedom/free time but that isn’t so bad.
I always assumed I missed my free time, but when my wife goes out of town with the kids, I usually get super lonely. Within the first day I end up just wallowing around my empty house, depressed because I miss my family so much.
I had the freedom to wonder. Then I decided freedom was just the feeling of looking for meaning. Then I thought for a while about what could be the most meaningful thing I could do? I decided it was to raise a family. Then I got caught up in it and wondered what I would do with freedom, and I realized I would miss my family. Then I realized I was home.
I’ve gone from single to step-dad to single to engaged raising another mans kid to single.
It was NOT worth it (and I’m convinced a significant portion of people who say it is are lying to themselves because what’s the alternative?)
Not saying there weren’t any good family moments, cause there for sure were, but what I missed the most was being able to do any adult things without having to secure babysitting. Every adult activity had a huge expensive extra step that could always fall through.
Probably the angriest I was as a parent was when an adults only trip that had been planned for 6 months fell apart completely 3 days before we were leaving because the babysitter backed out and we couldn’t find someone to take the kiddo for a week on short notice, and we weren’t doing a road trip with a toddler.
Just sleeping in. Nothing is better than having a family. Kids are now grown, and wish I had more
Quietness..
As someone whose kid has grown and moved out (and, I suspect is on the cusp of adding another adult to the family), IMO having a family far outweighs what was lost before.
Would we have more money if we never had a kid? Absolutely.
Would our experiences over the last 23+ years be different? Certainly.
Are there experiences that we would not change for the world that we would not have otherwise had? You bet!
Our child was a difficult sleeper – and didn’t sleep through the night until 3.5 years of age. My wife and I joke that we still have sleep deprivation as a result of those first 3.5 years.
But we’ve made friends we would not have otherwise had, had uncountable experiences that we would not have otherwise had, and had our world massively expanded as a result of our child. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
But its also an intensely personal opinion. I have friends who decided to be childless, and they have no (expressed) regrets for their decisions. My friends who for a variety of reasons could not have children (whether not finding someone, infertility/medical conditions, or because their sexual orientation is not compatible with birthing children, and they could not adopt), for the most part have made peace with that decision and found good in their lives without the children they wanted.
“hey do you want to go out tonight?”
“yes.”
The simplicity
Freedom. Mostly they’re worth it, but I’m lucky I’ve got 2 good ones.
Having my evenings free. It is (at least) two hours of concentrated effort to get my kids to sleep each night. I cannot wait until they can just do it themselves…
Is it worth it? Sometimes it really doesn’t feel that way, with all the stress and lack of rest. But in ten years I’m sure I’ll change my tune.
Definitely worth it. But missed the flexibility to do what I want/need in the moment. Now empty nesting and appreciate the return of that flexibility while still connecting to now-adult “children” – now I just have to manage the pets’ needs! But no regrets at all!
I miss being able to just get up and go places whenever I want. I feel that starting to return though and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Weekend mornings