I don’t know what to do in the situation I’m in.
So, I’m 36, I have a 10yo daughter, and I’ve been divorced for a year and a half.
Four months ago, I met a guy online. He’s 29, never been married, no kids.
At first, I didn’t take our conversations seriously it just felt nice to chat, we laughed a lot and could talk about anything without feeling awkward.
We live in different countries, so we only managed to meet for the first time after a month of talking. I flew to him, and we spent a wonderful week together.
Even before we met, we started to realize that there were feelings growing between us, even though I’m pretty skeptical when it comes to falling in love.
We met again two months after our first meeting, and everything went perfectly.
Of course, we had misunderstandings and arguments during that time, but we always kept talking and tried to resolve everything peacefully.
Eventually, we realized that we were in love.
And now I’m feeling confused, because I believe he shouldn’t get involved in a relationship like this with a woman who’s older than him, more experienced, and who has a child.
I’m almost certain that this relationship has no future.
I suggested we make it an open relationship so he could date other women and maybe find someone more suitable for starting a family.
I suggested we stay friends with benefits, so he could move on and meet other people.
I offered a lot of options.
But he keeps refusing everything and says he only wants to be with me.
And I feel like he just doesn’t realize what he’s getting himself into by staying with me. He doesn’t understand how hard it could be to build a family with this age gap and the fact that I have a child.
I don’t know what to do.
I’m not selfish I know he needs to move on, and I’ve tried to explain it to him.
But he keeps saying the same thing every time: I want to be with you.
And to me, it feels like I’m some kind of witch who cast a spell on this poor guy.
Comments
Age gaps can be tough, but if he understands and chooses you, trust that. Be honest, keep communicating, and let time guide you both.
Just go with it, he’s about to be 30, you’re not that much older that him.
im on the opposite end of an age gap relationship. 25f and 33m. i can say, i used to feel the same things for different reasons, the uncertainty lives on the other end of the spectrum too. at the end of the day, this negativity lives within you. i think he is definitely old enough to make a decision.
has he said he wants to have children of his own and is that a venture you want to go down?
from what youve said in ur post it seems like he really does want to be with you regardless of age and a child, yeah you might have problems later on but if he loves you snd you love him whats the whole deal about? just go with the flow , u deserve another chance at happiness aswell even with a child nd whatnot.
i think the problem isn’t with the relationship. you have to realize that you’re good enough for another person. don’t talk yourself down, this could work
You cannot control how he feels or what he does. If you feel strongly that the two of you shouldn’t be in a relationship (either because of his inexperience or the significant distance or whatever your reasons are), you do not need to convince him if that. You have the power to end the relationship if that is what you really want, and you do not need his permission or approval to do so.
Age gaps are tough when one of the two is psychologically immature to the other. If maturity is a good match, I wouldn’t let it bother me. There’s no sense in over thinking this to the point of self destruction. Enjoy the fact the you’ve found someone that works at keeping the relationship healthy and monogamous, if that’s what you both want.
if its something you both truly want i say go for it! over communicate! be really clear with boundaries about what you both want and expect from a partner, and how youll navigate your relationship (especially in regards to your child) we can never be sure how any relationship will end up, i think thats the risk you have to way up yourself. ive seen many people in similar situations who have had really beautiful relationships! if it works out for you two, congratulations! and if not, its always a chance to learn and grow
Be happy, don’t break two hearts. Just try it out, if it doesn’t work out well… it doesn’t. But if it does? You’d be very happy
Your age gap isn’t that big. Enjoy yourself & see where it goes.
I had this problem. I’m 31F divorced with 2 children 7-10. My bf is 5 years younger than me and no kids. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it but he has made me happier than anyone ever has. We communicate really well and both learn from each other. We’re coming up on a year
I’m in a 9yr age gap relationship after a divorce etc. 2 kids from my previous marriage, partner never had kids or got married.
Been together 3.5 years and are getting married later this year.
Go for it, you never know what might happen!
He’s old enough to make a conscious choice. Go do what makes you happy. And if it doesn’t work out in the end, you still had a great time
You spent one week with him then another visit of unspecified length. You live in different countries. It sounds more like a holiday romance whatever the age gap. Does he come from a poor or wealthy background compared to you?
I’m 7 years older than my partner and it makes no difference. We don’t notice it, it’s a non issue.
In the beginning some people comment and then it fades cause it’s irrelevant
So much else about a relationship is important, so place your energies there
Isn’t the elephant in the room here the motives of this guy in relation to obtaining a visa as opposed tot he age gap which is pretty negligible…..
Where does he live and where do you live….?
I’m in a 7 year age gap relationship, when we first got together I was nervous for similar reasons. He was 27 and wanted children and it wasn’t something I was willing to do yet and he knew that and respected that. I was so worried it would affect us but he had no issues waiting for me to be ready, he’s the love of my life and we’re married with 2 children now. Do it, what do you have to lose? He seems to know what he wants and it’s you!
Some men love fast but it fades. A few years back I Meg a man who was 6 years younger, he perused me hard and made all the promises (despite me never asking). Six months in I got pregnant, he begged me to get an abortion and then broke up with me DYRING it. He had a new girlfriend a month later! Dude seemed perfect, did everything right until he didn’t. In retrospect he didn’t have a clue what he wanted. Is this man a mommas boy? Mommas boys are ppl pleasers to the max!
29 to 36 isn’t a crazy age gap. Give it a try, if it works it works, if it doesn’t it doesn’t.
I think you should go for it, which everyone else is saying. Is it a case that he wants children and you don’t want anymore? Or you do want more, but don’t think you could conceive easily? I’m 43 this year and I have a two year old and a four year old, so it is possible. Plus you are more fertile if you have conceived previously. Both of my children were conceived in four months.