In my late 30s, approaching my 40th milestone soon. However, I’m getting a lot of greys in my hair, far faster than usual speed and it’s starting to show up pretty prominently. My friends and coworkers tend to dye them off to their natural hair color. For me, I’m torn between aging gracefully and not trying to look unusually younger than my age. To the women who are seeing a lot of greys, do you dye them or keep the greys?
Comments
I don’t think dying your hair means you aren’t aging gracefully. I’m 37 and I think I have 1 gray hair (it’s genetics). And I like to experiment and dye my hair all different colors. Not because I fear aging, but because I’m only in this meat skeleton once and why the Hell not?
I see grannies rocking purples and blues……DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND FEEL YOUR BEST SELF.
I let my dyed brown hair grow out before the pandemic and haven’t looked back. My stylist did highlights twice so there wasn’t such an obvious line. It’s a lot healthier now. I keep it in a longish style and love it. No regrets. If you hate it you can always go back.
You can age gracefully with your own choice of hair color!
I am too lazy to keep up with roots and whatnot every few weeks. So I just let it go. My hair is healthy and grey is on trend so… I also didn’t have to live through that weird grow out.
I’m also torn, not because I dislike grey hairs, but I’m at that awkward stage where they just make my hair look dirty
I am 34. I never dyed my hair to begin with and the grays started coming in slowly about my mid 20s. They sped up the last few years though. My hair is dark brown and I get SO MANY compliments on my hair.
It’s much easier to try the grays now and decide to dye later than to start dying them and let that grow out later.
I refuse to succumb to the patriarchal obsession with youth. I never shaved my body and I won’t dye my grey hair.
I’ve kept my greys. They sparkle in the light and look really cool in my dark hair. When I get entirely gray I’m going to do pastel dyes.
I’m looking forward to going gray because it’ll mean I can dye my hair wild colors without having to bleach it first. (I already dye it now, but I stick with darker colors so I don’t have to mess with bleach. I’m very much looking forward to the greater variety.)
I think aging gracefully is finding things that feel good to you at different phases in your life but not becoming obsessed with a specific result. My hair began to gray aggressively in my late 30s/early 40s. At first I was excited because I’ve always wanted white hair like my mother. However it’s not progressing very fast and I was left with strange salt/pepper/blonde hair with white patches. Having big, bold hair (always dyed red) has always been something that made me feel good and color was no longer staying and I just felt kind of deflated. So I cut it all off and had it dyed platinum blonde for my version of gray transition. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, the gray did bother me. I’ve not found a cut yet that really fits what I want, so that’s a work in progress. But the radical color change was one of the best things I’ve done for myself in years. There’s no one right answer, but even if your answer is trying something new just for the hell of it, that’s also a place to land.
I think the grace is the spirit with which you age. Dye it if your heart desires.
I’m not dyeing mine. They’re sparkly!
I think it depends on your natural color. If you have dark hair, the whites stand out so it’s a matter of what makes you feel better. If your natural color is light, then you can add a few highlights and the whites add to the style.
I don’t dye my hair but I do get Dysport. I can’t help but notice some hypocrisy as many people judge the latter and not the former although dyeing your hair can have just as much of an impact on your appearance (and in my case, be more expensive as it’s $150+ a month vs $340 every 3-4 months). I think we should normalize aging however that looks like! Some people are comfortable doing more or less than others and that’s ok.
I’m 33 and started going grey in my early 20s. I dyed my hair for years, but over the past year I’ve been embracing my natural hair. I was just volunteering over the weekend, and with my silver sparkles in my dark hair, was asked if I was in high school or college and I didn’t know how to respond 😅 You can def age gracefully while embracing your natural hair!
I’d always dyed my hair, but after chemo it grew back in a pretty silver. Sometimes I dye it blue or purple but I don’t try to look natural with it. I do think it would have been a much harder transition if just some was grey at a time!
I think I look a lot younger than my friends who have let their grey hair grow out. It does make a difference.
I’ve started growing grey hair more than 20 years ago…. I had the same question as you at one point also because I was and still am sick if dying it. I started following different women on IG, women with beautiful grey hair at younger or older age. Some I liked, some not….
Than I asked myself: do I like how I LOOK with grey hair? If dying the hair wouldn’t be such a chore many times, which would I chose, which alternative do I really like? Therefore I decided to keep dying my hair because that’s how I personally like it, and I think for me grey hair isn’t good as it makes me look like my grandma…. There are Young gals who look perfect with grey hair, not me. That’s how I chose my best.
34F curly dirty blonde hair. Stopped dying my hair when I turned 30. Grey and whites started with a Rouge(X-men) like stripe then sprinkled everywhere. To be honest I’m so proud of myself for loving myself/letting me be me. I love the person in the mirror. I tell myself my mom and many women before her, went to their grave dying their hair to stay youthful, I don’t want that for me. It took me TOO many years to get to this point and I’m never going back. I’m seeing more and more lovely women letting their hair stay natural and it looks RAD and sets an example for the youth. I’m not spending any more time or money on something that I really don’t care about. You have to ask yourself if it really matters to YOU and if the going back to touch up roots every couple of weeks is in your best interest.
I’ve seen it both ways – my ex MIL dyed her hair far into her 60’s and my mother has let hers go naturally grey. My mother is super lucky as her hair is silver and gorgeous. I’m early 40’s now and I’m letting my hair go grey naturally too.
I guess it depends on hair colour too as lighter hair doesn’t show it as much and dark hair makes it more visible. I’d say go with whatever makes you happy.
I dye them. I don’t care if other people think I’m aging gracefully or not. I think I look better with my greys coloured.
I have seen beautiful women “embracing their greys” but the big difference between those women and me is that they also take a lot of time with their make-up and hairstyling. I don’t do that and don’t want to. I would not look good with greys like they do. I have no plans to stop colouring my hair.
Do what you want to do!
time for highlights maybe, not dying.
Do whatever makes you feel good! I try to ignore the polarising pressures of ‘eternal youth’ vs ‘ageing gracefully’ – both of these ideologies propose positions about how women should look that I personally find unhelpful. I recently stopped dyeing my hair but only because it was affecting my hair health (super fine hair), otherwise I’d probably be doing it to the grave 😂
I had noticeable grays by 31 and have been coloring my hair ever since. I just don’t like how gray looks on me, and even worse, how much the rest of my hair has lightened. It was always black, now it’s some weird washed out brown color that reminds me of my mother (she’s awful) and doesn’t look good with my skintone. Hair dye forever!
I just watched Moonstruck (1987) and Cher making a point to dye her greys in her makeover actually seems a like dated cliche. Grey/silver strands are stylish these days (but you still don’t really see it in films on 30s/40s women.) That said, some women look really great grey and others look better with coloured hair. At 37, my greys have accelerated this year at my temples/front pieces and I’m curious to hold off getting highlights to see how it grows.
You can do whatever YOU like. No shame in dying, no shame in letting it be. I will suggest, if you like to look polished, that if you let the grays reign, ask your stylist to blend the grays it in for you over a few months. This will avoid the “helmet” or hard line often associated with letting the gray grow out. More noticeable on darker hair. In 2020 I was so tired of hair appointments every 6 weeks to cover my gray that I worked with my stylist to blend them out (I’m a brunette) with some highlights. It took 3 visits, or about 6 months until she pronounced me evenly grown out and blended. I haven’t colored it since. The biggest surprise was that the grey was mostly concentrated in a 2 inch wide strip near the front. There is more now, but I don’t regret it at all. I’m 49, BTW.
I am late 30s and I tried growing out my greys, then I realised Im one of those who don’t have a nice shade of grey hair, so I’ve gone back to dyeing them
I remember reading in “Color Me Beautiful” that I found on Grandma’s bookshelf, that some undertones look better than others when the gray comes in. So, maybe consult with your hair stylist to see what your undertones are and whether it would look better to let the gray come in gradually or color until it is all grey.
I’ve been using those colored conditioners for my dark hair. They wash out in a couple of washes and don’t fully cover the gray, but it definitely softens
I get a gloss treatment from time to time and it covers the few I have. I’m dealing with a long illness that’s made me feel kinda crap about my appearance, so getting my hair color boosted from time to time makes me feel like less of a schlump. It’s low maintenance and less expensive than full-on hair color. I don’t do it too look “young”. I do it to feel better about myself.
I’ve had greys since high school. My hair is naturally very dark brown. It’s naturally very thick and curly. I’m 38 and I dye my hair. I love having dark hair. I love having long hair. I don’t feel like those are things I have to give up just because I’m getting older.
My sister is older than me and she’s had a purple ombré for the last few years. I don’t feel like having the hair you want is trying to be younger than you are.
I’ve been dying mine religiously for the last 4 years, I’m 36. Some women look gorgeous with grays but I don’t feel that way about myself. I think aging gracefully is doing whatever makes you still feel beautiful in your own body
Embrace!!
I’ll be 40 this year and I have some tinsel. I intend to let it go grey however, I am open to grey blending as it goes.
Do whatever you like!
I get babylights twice a year to blend my grays in with my natural hair color, and that’s the right level of upkeep for me.
I don’t mind my greys, they look like silver highlights. I like to keep things simple, easy and inexpensive.
No way in hell am I embracing hairs before I’m 65. I’m just not doing it.
The worst part was growing out the roots, but once they were grown out, it looks like I have allover highlights. It’s magical that I used to pay for what I have naturally now.
But it’s a personal choice…some people are comfortable with it (I never thought I would be) and some people are not. The right choice is what you like.
I’m 41, have hip length hair and my greys are coming in a patch over my right eye now. I earned every one of them, and they can stay, along with the crows feet and laugh lines.
I dye mine as they come in against my dark brown hair. I feel like I’m personally at least 10 years away from letting the grey come in.
I started seeing greys at 25. At 39 I have a good many more. I really don’t want to get stuck in the cycle of dying it and paying for it, I’m just letting it go.
I’m 36 and have grays that stand out against my brown hair. I’m not dyeing them (at least, not so far) because it seems like a lot of hassle and upkeep that I don’t want to bother with. Plus the expense! And I never judge other people’s gray hair – I barely even notice most of the time – so I want to give myself that same grace.
However, I am trying to “do” my hair more (straighten it or intentionally style it curly – not fancy, just something better than my usual frizzy bun). It makes me feel more put together when I manage it.
I’ve kept mine. I have short hair and it would be a never ending battle. My stylist likes the way they are sprinkled, lol.
I’m 34 and have lots of greys! I’m not doing a full on scalp dye, but I just get foils put in. Not to hide the greys (that’s a happy coincidence) but just because it’s so much more low maintenance than a full on colour. I usually get a quarter or half head foils and it works well!
I have very dark hair so my grey is very noticeable. I have been dying it for years and my scalp has decided to rebel. The problem is now I have a lot of grey so it looks weird when I try to grow it out. My solution was to switch to temporary dye. I have been using it for about 6 months and then this summer I plan to stop and re evaluate if I can live with the grey. I have never been a particularly vain person but this has been very hard for me. I have always looked younger than I am and I am not sure I am ready to be labeled old but my hair cannot handle dying anymore. So basically my advice is use temporary or semi permanent color until you decide what is best for you.
I found my first grey at 25. Now almost 40 I am letting them go. Dye washes out in less than a month bc we have really hard water here and my landlord is not going to be installing a water softener any time soon.
You earned that glitter. Shine on, OP
I personally love gray and white hair, so I’m not dyeing mine. However, what would cause you the least stress?
I really want to try grey blending! I’ve seen some videos online and I think it’s really cool how they blend your greys. If there was an artist close to me I’d totally get it done.
I don’t think grey = old. The reason I don’t think this is because of the trend a few years ago where people in their 20s were bleaching their hair white and dying it grey. You don’t automatically see a younger person with that hair and think “old”.
It’s more holistic – are you fit (is your body in shape), is your skin in good shape, do you have a lot of sagging, jowls, etc… ? If not, having grey hair in your 30s or 40s is not going to make you look old. It’s just a color.
And then by the time you are 50, what is wrong with looking your age, exactly? Why can’t we destigmatise aging for women? It won’t happen unless a significant number of women in society decide that being older is cool. This will always impact people around you, so that younger women and men start to also think that older women are cool. Don’t believe me? In the late 1990s, early 2000s, everyone thought that 80s fashion was ugly. Now in 2025, I’m seeing mullets everywhere and the girls think it is hot. Or beards. Beards used to be “ugly”. Now they are “in”. Fashion shifts all the time.
Grey hair also requires a lot of upkeep. It needs a moisturizing mask at least once a week. It needs toning shampoos. It can’t be messy otherwise, it won’t look intentional. You can’t just throw it in a claw clip and expect it to look nice.
But it’s totally up to you what you do with your hair. It’s just hair, anyway. If you grow out your greys and you hate it, you can always dye it.
Just a heads up that the term “aging gracefully” is rooted in misogyny. The term polices how women are allowed to age, and keeps the focus on appearance over experience, voice, or value. Do what you wanna do, but do it for you and only you.
40+ with lots of grey hair. I am keeping mine. My natural color is brown and it’s hard to keep it dyed. I am fit and dress for my body type. If people are repelled by my grey hair, they shouldn’t be near me coz I am fabulous for my age 🤣
I dye my hair because I like how I look with blue hair. I would be perfectly happy showing off my silver if I ever get bored of the blue.
I’ve (F60+) never dyed my hair except for a streak of temporary purple or blue. I still have a lot of medium brown hair, so the blue dyes the silver for fun. Personally, I will never go for a full dye job. I don’t like the growing out phase – the part where the roots are such a contrast. I know a very nice lady in her 80s whose roots are a wonderful silver/white, but then she keeps dying her hair to nearly jet black.
I use henna
I have waist length hair, half of that is natural blonde. I was all for letting my sparkly strands come through…. but now I have the urge to dye it all black again. Such a challenge, figuring out what to do with hair.
My family tends to gray young and with our dark hair it’s very apparent. A family tradition is to dye your hair a fun color when it’s gray enough to show bc we finally don’t need bleach for it to show!
I am turning 40 in a few months and have a bit of grey coming in around my forehead and temples. I think it looks kinda cool most days. I haven’t coloured my hair since just before COVID so have no interest in taking that expensive habit up again! If your greys don’t bother you I think let them shine!
I keep my greys. I started growing them out a few years ago when they began appearing at the front of my hair. Now I have a very obvious white streak and there ain’t no way I’m getting rid of it.
Reactions are mixed. Some people—women who are more traditional mostly—ask why I don’t dye it black. Everyone else is like YASSS SILVER FOX. Older folks say it looks like Rogue from X-men, and my young colleague says I look like Anna from Frozen. 😂
Other than the streak there is a lot of white through the rest of my hair, it just isn’t concentrated.
I look forward to graduating from Rogue to Storm.
I’m 36 and already see several grey hairs. To be honest, I’ll probably be too lazy to dye them when more and more grey appears in a few years. I just can’t be bothered.
That being said, I’ve recently had three people separate from each other think I was mid or even early 20s and being flabbergasted when I told them my age. So it can’t be that bad with the greys yet.