For context me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship. He wanted to buy a house with the idea that I move in eventually. He wanted my opinions on things and to help him find listings etc. However his parents are extremely enmeshed in his life. They decided what degree he’d do, where he lived and what job he took… Low and behold they’re taking over with him buying a house too. Trying to convince him to move to the village they live as opposed to the city he works. With his sister they rock up to her house and decorate it how they want without being asked and with protests from his sister. They don’t listen. They’re the type of people who want everything their way.
Anyway I’ve never set foot in the house my boyfriend bought. His parents actually viewed it before him and kind of convinced him to buy it. He said once he got the keys he’d facetime me to give me a tour, I kind of lit up because for once I would be able to have some privacy one on one time with him, without his parents in the background judging my every move…
Then on the day he tells me his parents are going to go with him to pick up the keys to the house. I say ok if he’s busy right now we can facetime later. He immediately goes to accuse me of having an issue with his parents… I say no i’ll facetime you later although yeh… why can’t we have this one moment alone!?
I then go back to work and have my phone on charge to make sure I have enough battery for the facetime. He doesn’t tell me when he’ll facetime me just sometime that day. Anyway i’m working, I go to check my phone and see 20 mins ago he tried to facetime me… I immediately call back and he immediately has an attitude with me.
In front of his parents he essentially throws a sulk, angrily giving me a “tour” of his house, with his parents sat there, he pans the video to them and they just shrug at me. I’m polite and complimentary of his flat but i’m kind of blindsided that he’s set me up to look bad in front of his parents as obviously i’m not going to ask what’s wrong in front of them…
He then hangs up on me and gives me the silent treatment for a whole day! I’m flabbergasted of what exactly i’ve done wrong. He then posts in his family whatsapp group (that he has NEVER posted in) a photo of him on a night out? All his family chime in immediately saying have a great time etc knowing we’ve fallen out.
He has a habit of turning people against someone if he feels slighted. He’s done it to me, his family, his friends and work colleagues.
Also he’s meant to come and look after me after surgery in a few days time and my parents have insisted I make other plans as they think he’s unreliable.
He says i’ve ruined his “big” moment of moving in. Even though when I asked him a week ago if he wanted me to go with him to collect the keys he says he’s not bothered or excited…
Bare in mind this man is 35……….. I honestly feel like he’s crossed a line getting his parents involved like that, he could’ve just not facetimed me if he was mad at me.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: For context me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship. He wanted to buy a house with the idea that I move in eventually. He wanted my opinions on things and to help him find listings etc. However his parents are extremely enmeshed in his life. They decided what degree he’d do, where he lived and what job he took… Low and behold they’re taking over with him buying a house too. Trying to convince him to move to the village they live as opposed to the city he works. With his sister they rock up to her house and decorate it how they want without being asked and with protests from his sister. They don’t listen. They’re the type of people who want everything their way.
Anyway I’ve never set foot in the house my boyfriend bought. His parents actually viewed it before him and kind of convinced him to buy it. He said once he got the keys he’d facetime me to give me a tour, I kind of lit up because for once I would be able to have some privacy one on one time with him, without his parents in the background judging my every move…
Then on the day he tells me his parents are going to go with him to pick up the keys to the house. I say ok if he’s busy right now we can facetime later. He immediately goes to accuse me of having an issue with his parents… I say no i’ll facetime you later although yeh… why can’t we have this one moment alone!?
I then go back to work and have my phone on charge to make sure I have enough battery for the facetime. He doesn’t tell me when he’ll facetime me just sometime that day. Anyway i’m working, I go to check my phone and see 20 mins ago he tried to facetime me… I immediately call back and he immediately has an attitude with me.
In front of his parents he essentially throws a sulk, angrily giving me a “tour” of his house, with his parents sat there, he pans the video to them and they just shrug at me. I’m polite and complimentary of his flat but i’m kind of blindsided that he’s set me up to look bad in front of his parents as obviously i’m not going to ask what’s wrong in front of them…
He then hangs up on me and gives me the silent treatment for a whole day! I’m flabbergasted of what exactly i’ve done wrong. He then posts in his family whatsapp group (that he has NEVER posted in) a photo of him on a night out? All his family chime in immediately saying have a great time etc knowing we’ve fallen out.
He has a habit of turning people against someone if he feels slighted. He’s done it to me, his family, his friends and work colleagues.
Also he’s meant to come and look after me after surgery in a few days time and my parents have insisted I make other plans as they think he’s unreliable.
He says i’ve ruined his “big” moment of moving in. Even though when I asked him a week ago if he wanted me to go with him to collect the keys he says he’s not bothered or excited…
Bare in mind this man is 35……….. I honestly feel like he’s crossed a line getting his parents involved like that, he could’ve just not facetimed me if he was mad at me.
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Really big red flags, he is a big mommy and daddy’s boy at 35. Sounds like there isn’t room for you in this relationship. Sulking and having a bit of a tantrum is even more childish behavior. Idk about this one, OP. Might be best to date someone who is actually an adult.
sounds like it’s time to cut your losses here OP
if you stay with this man baby you’ll always have his parents way too far in your business
and you’ll be busy dealing with his tantrums
I would genuinely break up with him for even a fraction of this bullshit. This will be your life if you continue with this man.
And no, you’re not overreacting.
OP, ask yourself why you are so incredibly desperate for a boyfriend.
Long distance, enmeshed parents, temper tantrums, failed to individualize…
Just what is so amazing about him that you can easily overlook the above items and say that it’s all worth it?
I wish people would grow tf up and stop dating liabilities with the stunted mental development of children.
What’s it like to cause your own problems?
WTF are you with him? He’s childish, manipulative, and trying to paint you in a bad light to his parents.
He’s intentionally trying to make you look bad! WHY!!!! Let him move in and start fresh without you. You don’t need his BS. He’s trying to make himself look big and you look small. Why would a partner do that to someone they claim to love? They wouldn’t.
There’s no future with him.
It’s very likely that when he misunderstands you he is going to misrepresent you to his parents either intentionally or erroneously. They might be nice people but they’re not getting an accurate experience of you through your BF. This will likely further erode the relationship if there is unnecessary tension between you and his parents, (created by him).
And why are you still with him?
You are under reacting. He will be difficult to live with, emotionally exhausting, and you will forever be apologizing for things you didn’t know you did. Please don’t marry him, and enjoy his ignoring you for now. His parents are too overbearing and will be decorating his home how they want. You should put as much distance between his parents and yourself.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is the rest of you life hun, wake up. He has zero boundaries with his family running your life. He bought a house without you, responded angrily to you and has made it clear they go first.
Run.
Ugh, no just no. You can do better, being alone is better than this
I don’t care what “cultural” excuses come into play (that bullshight ALWAYS favours men – most of whom are unfuckable, unmarriable LOSERS) – please don’t marry someone like this! Come to Canada and ask for asylum.
HONEY.
What in the name of diapers are you DATING?
This guy’s development halted in early childhood… and he was a brat as a toddler. Leave this enmeshed family in the dust and block them everywhere.
Unless you lose this man, here is what your future will be like: his parents will plan your wedding – from the date to your dress to the guest lists to the seating chart. His parents will decide when it’s time for you and bf to start a family. they will also be in the room when you give birth and will essentially raise your children as they see fit. Your bf will never stand up for you, every perceived slight or argument will be replayed for his parents. You will always be cast in the role of the bad guy.
You already know they’ll decorate your house. They have no sense of boundaries. Your bf has no sense of boundaries. Unless you enjoy the sensation of bashing your head against a wall repeatedly, 24/7/365, you need to cut this man-baby and his family off cold.
This man is a mess! He acts 13, not 30. He has a host of red flags flying all around. And he’s so enmeshed with Mommy and daddy that he can’t do a thing on his own. Please, please, please run like mad. This would be a horrible person to be in a relationship with. They would be running your life as well as his and his sisters. He needs to grow up, ditch mom and dad, and learn to live by himself. But he’s not about to do that.
You’ve been fine with him turning others on his family, friends & work colleagues so it’s your turn now. This behavior isn’t sudden or out of the blue. This is who he is. I can tell you it’s embarrassingly immature but women can spend a lifetime excusing away immature behavior & accepting it so I guess just decide how long you want this man child to impact & potentially tank your future, your family, friends & work colleagues next.
Nope, nope, nope. Do you want this long distance, parentally enmeshed, can’t tell you his feelings clearly, projection loving, a-hole around forever??? You deserve more than this!
Girl. I know it’s a reddit cliché, but DUMP HIM! He is super controlling and toxic, his parents are super controlling and toxic, the whole mess is radioactive. If he wasn’t a controlling jerk with all the manipulation then I’d say maybe you could help him escape his parents, but this guy ain’t worth it. You’ve gotta cut him loose for your own wellbeing.
Time to say goodbye to this long distance relationship. You are gonna be way better off.
Why the fuck do you still refer to him as your boyfriend.
End it now! You want your whole life to be like this. F That!
Are you no good damn well you shouldn’t move forward with this guy. His parents are too invested in his life. He’s 35 and he acts like a highschooler. Do you really see a future with this person?
He bought the place, you have no money in it? Just ditch and leave him, it’s only going to get worse, especially after marriage if it where to make it that far.
Edit: This is a long distance relationship? How many times have you met him, etc?
He’s 35 and like this? Now you know why he isn’t married. No one wants to commit to a life with his parents.
Run for the hills. He is a loser and sounds vindictive too. Get out.
Your relationship with this man will always include Mommy and Daddy. Imagine these people as the grandparents of your children and consider if this is really the life you want for yourself.
Run, do not walk away