I’m from India, and this should tell you enough about the situation I’m in. In India, the general consensus is that the darker you are, the uglier you are. It’s very outdated I know. My family moved to the United States when I was 4. I now live on my own while still getting financially supported by my family. I graduate this August, and I’m currently actively applying to jobs to be able to support myself. We are visiting India in June for a cousin’s wedding. She’s been more adamant about me wearing sunscreen to not get darker so I can be presentable for the trip. Mind you, my dad is pretty dark and my mom isn’t that white either.
I also DO NOT CARE AT ALL about the color of my skin. I don’t think anyone should care. I wear sunscreen when I go out for the sole reason of taking care of my skin and NOT to control how much I tan. I’m also not panicking 24/7 about making sure to reapply every 2 hours. I try my best but sometimes I forget so obviously I’ll tan a little. I also have my own insecurities and it’s so frustrating to have my mom project these insecurities on to me. My parents are very supportive financially but emotionally they are horrendous. I really don’t know what to do.
This all started because I sent a picture me at a tour of a company I want to work at, and I looked a tan (but there were also shadows involved). She immediately called me yelling at me saying I’m trying to get darker on purpose to spite her because she knows I don’t like when she’s picky about my skin color. I didn’t say anything and just hung up once she started raising her voice. I’ve come to accept that older generations have a hard time changing their opinions and also ignore a lot of unhinged things they do since I know they still love me and makes sure I’m housed and fed and sends me money if I really need it.
Indian people are very much about “what will other people think?” and looking/being “presentable” even if it means being rude to their family members for it. I’ve just come to accept that this is just the outdated, insane way of some folks in India. Trust me, I’ve spoken to her out this countless times and now I’m just tired.
EDIT: Oh and she also claims she wants me to put on sunscreen for my skin health and not because I’m getting “darker.” I just have a hard time believing this
EDIT: Please ignore any grammar/spelling mistakes. I was rushing to type this and didn’t really double check what autocorrect was changing things to.
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I’m from India, and this should tell you enough about the situation I’m in. In India, the general consensus is that the darker you are, the uglier you are. It’s very outdated I know. My family moved to the United States when I was 4. I know live on my own while still getting financially supported by my family. I graduate this August, and I’m currently actively applying to jobs to be able to support myself. We are visiting India in June for a cousin’s wedding. She’s been more adamant about me wearing sunscreen to not get darker so I can be presentable for the trip. Mind you, my dad is pretty dark and my mom isn’t that white either.
I also DO NOT CARE AT ALL about the color of my skin. I don’t think anyone should care. I wear sunscreen when I go out for the sole reason of taking care of my skin and NOT to control how much I tan. I’m also not panicking 24/7 about making sure to reapply every 2 hours. I try my best but sometimes I forget so obviously I’ll tan a little. I also have my own insecurities and it’s so frustrating to have my mom project these insecurities on to me. My parents are very supportive financially but emotionally they are horrendous. I really don’t know what to do.
This all started because I sent a picture me at a tour of a company I want to work at, and I looked a tan (but there were also shadows involved). She immediately called me yelling at me saying I’m trying to get darker on purpose to spite her because she knows I don’t like when she’s picky about my skin color. I didn’t say anything and just hung up once she started racing her voice. I’ve come to accept that older generations have a hard time changing their opinions and also ignore a lot of unhinged things they do since I know they still love me and makes sure I’m housed and fed and sends me money if I really need it.
Indian people are very much about “what will other people think?” and looking/being “presentable” even if it means being rude to their family members for it. I’ve just come to accept that this is just the outdated, insane way of some folks in India. Trust me, I’ve spoken to her out this countless times and now I’m just tired.
EDIT: Oh and she also claims she wants me to put on sunscreen for my skin health and not because I’m getting “darker.” I just have a hard time believing this
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s called colorism. I think hanging up is the best way since she’s not willing to listen, and it’s a one-sided conversation. I would avoid sending pictures in the future.
NTA. You don’t have to uphold insecurities or social obligations regarding to your care of your own body. Imagine if it was for some other characteristic like weight or something… would you keep allowing anyone (even family) to make you feel poorly about the way you care for your own body?
Nope not the asshole. Two browns don’t make a white
NTA. You needed some space and your mom needs to understand that her yelling at you like this will only result in your not wanting to talk to her. Hopefully she will make the connection.
Old prejudices are hard to overcome. Sadly, this is a burden your mother carries. You are wise to realize all this and to have a healthier attitude towards being accepting of the person you are. We are all unique and need to be proud of our similarities and our differences.
Ugh…sorry that your mom is under the impression that you live your life solely to either shame her or make her proud. 🥹
NTA
NTA
You’re never required to sit and listen to someone critiquing your appearance, let alone unprompted, even if it’s your mother.
What are you supposed to do, never go out in the sun? You tan through sunscreen, it’s much slower than without it, but even perfect wearers get a little color if they have skin that tans.
Unfortunately you’re right that they’ll likely never change, but that doesn’t mean you have to indulge them when they’re being rude.
NTA
Everyone who will be in the sun for a period of time (not just from the house to the car) should wear sunscreen to help maintain healthy skin.
For the wedding, you can go see someone about a foundation makeup that will make your appearance acceptable to your mother (if you want to).
i felt this. im chinese but girlll i GET you. and that’s why u stop calling them and they wonder why their kid hates them💀 but just like u, i grew out of the colorism when i was very young idgaf what color i am, and tbh i’m very attractive too
NTA
“If your life is so perfect you can spend time being upset about skin color, congratulations, your life must be amazing.”
But also stop slowly killing yourself for a tan.
I will clarify that I am indian. NTA. A big NTA. Yeah India’s mentality about skin colours needs to change. You’re Good just make sure to wear sunscreen not for tanning prevention but for skin cancer( in case wherever you live it’s very sunny)
“I don’t have to listen to that nonsense, so I’m hanging up now. Bye.” Thag way she knows why the conversation ended. A few times more, she’ll eventually get the message.
I would only say you are the one who has to be comfortable in your skin.
Fuck ’em. No one can be beautiful or attractive living by another’s standards.
You do you ignore the rest.