I (26F) have been focused on getting healthy for the last few years. I’m not shredded, but I’m pretty fit and have a good routine. I work out regularly, mainly doing functional and CrossFit-style workouts at a park at 7am. My boyfriend (26M) is amazing, but he isn’t really into fitness. He enjoys gaming and has no interest in working out. He’s not overweight, but he’s also not very muscular or in great shape.
For the past year, I’ve asked him to join me for my workouts so we can spend time together and also work on his fitness. He’s always declined, saying he doesn’t need to work out and is fine as he is.
Yesterday, I managed to convince him to join my 7am workout. I usually don’t eat breakfast before, I just get ready and go. He struggled through most of the class. He did about half the exercises and used the same weights as me, even though he weighs twice as much. He wasn’t looking too good, so I encouraged him to rest when he needed.
After we got home, he started feeling dizzy to the point where he asked me to call an ambulance. I was terrified, thinking something serious was happening. While we waited for the paramedics, he ended up vomiting. When the ambulance arrived, the nurses checked him out and said his vitals were fine; he was just extremely exhausted from the workout.
Now, I’m frustrated because he’s blaming his dizziness on not eating breakfast, rather than acknowledging that he’s out of shape and maybe overdid it. I’m thankful he joined me, but I’m feeling a bit disheartened by his reaction and his reluctance to take responsibility for his fitness.
EDIT: I realized I pushed him too hard and that is my fault. The thing is that I want to be with someone with good health, I dont want him to get sick or I don’t want to be a widow because of his bad lifestyle choices. If we happen to have children I want a father that can play with them without being out of breath and have a long and healthy life. That is why I do everything but I understand I was too harsh on him.
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I (26F) have been focused on getting healthy for the last few years. I’m not shredded, but I’m pretty fit and have a good routine. I work out regularly, mainly doing functional and CrossFit-style workouts at a park at 7am. My boyfriend (26M) is amazing, but he isn’t really into fitness. He enjoys gaming and has no interest in working out. He’s not overweight, but he’s also not very muscular or in great shape.
For the past year, I’ve asked him to join me for my workouts so we can spend time together and also work on his fitness. He’s always declined, saying he doesn’t need to work out and is fine as he is.
Yesterday, I managed to convince him to join my 7am workout. I usually don’t eat breakfast before, I just get ready and go. He struggled through most of the class. He did about half the exercises and used the same weights as me, even though he weighs twice as much. He wasn’t looking too good, so I encouraged him to rest when he needed.
After we got home, he started feeling dizzy to the point where he asked me to call an ambulance. I was terrified, thinking something serious was happening. While we waited for the paramedics, he ended up vomiting. When the ambulance arrived, the nurses checked him out and said his vitals were fine; he was just extremely exhausted from the workout.
Now, I’m frustrated because he’s blaming his dizziness on not eating breakfast, rather than acknowledging that he’s out of shape and maybe overdid it. I’m thankful he joined me, but I’m feeling a bit disheartened by his reaction and his reluctance to take responsibility for his fitness.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I pushed my boyfriend to join my workout, even though he has no interest in fitness. I convinced him to do something he didn’t want to do, and he struggled a lot during the class, which led to him feeling unwell afterward. I’m worried that I might have pressured him too much, especially since he’s not in the same physical shape as me, and I might have overestimated how much he could handle. Even though I thought I was doing something positive by encouraging him to get active, I wonder if I overstepped and made him uncomfortable.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You’re not the AH for wanting to share something that matters to you. You weren’t trying to shame him you just wanted to do something together and encourage a healthy habit. His reaction sounds more like defensiveness than anything else. Hopefully, with time and better pacing, he might come around.
dragging your gamer boyfriend into an intense CrossFit style workout at 7am with no food was a recipe for disaster, not devotion. Wanting him to be healthy is fine, but pushing him past his limits and then blaming him for not keeping up feels more like control than care. so you’re the asshole
soft YTA, not for wanting to workout together but for kind of dismissing how he was doing?
ive been working out for years and even i get dizzy and have vomited when skipping breakfasts ,on top of that he clearly was struggling with the exercises.
id recommend trying more beginner friendly stuff for him and building it up to your level + could also make you two bond together more!
background : i was similar to your bf only interested in gaming and my friend dragged me to the gym and it wasnt fun at first. i was struggling + sweaty and felt like everyone had known i was a beginner and was judging me (not the case )
NTA, embarrassing that he needed medical attention after one workout.
You don’t have compatible fitness styles, he might start to resent you if you push too hard. Only you can decide if you can live with him as he is.
Kind of YTA. Honestly, going from not working out at all to a cross fit style work out is probably not the best point of entry to exercise. It’s just intimidating. If he starts working out it needs to be something that works for him, which may not be identical to what you do. Like maybe he could start by going on an enjoyable walk outdoors.
Yta
YTA. He’s a grown man, not a child to be guided. He has his own interests and you have yours. Either respect your differences and agree to disagree or move on. He’s shown you clearly that his health/fitness level is not his priority. Believe him already.
YTA
When you first started working out did you ease into it? Did you work up to your current level of fitness? Why would you pressure him into joining a class that seems beyond his level?
Honestly, what was the goal here? I’d be furious if my husband did this to me.
YTA I’ve been very fit for most of my life but looks like an unfit mess of I work out first thing in the morning without eating and hydrating properly first. People have different circadian rhythms and needs. If you don’t accept your partner’s indi needs, you will put them off exercising rather than encouragw them to enjoy it.
YTA… do something else together not an intense workout. Kind if judgy of you to decide what his activity level should be. Why not go for a nice walk after dinner or something thats nit going to absolutely destroy him? Gym rat types like you are why I avoid the physical fitness world. You can excersise without going full intensity. Even walking a mile is productive.
YTA for bringing him to a hard workout class only. He’s never going to want to come back. You’re supposed to show him the elliptical and show him the machines. 40 minutes tops. The point is to have him come back as a habit first.
But your boyfriend does not like to work out, and it’s ok to end he relationship because of it. An unhealthy guy is going to cause you problems down the line. Seeing a 50-60 year old have heart problems, diabetes, and/or obesity. Multiple hospital visits are not fun in your 50s’.
YTA
Look, he has said fitness is not his thing. He’s not forcing you to game with him, why are you forcing him to do fitness training with you? Sharing hobbies is nice, but you need to find something else you can share – not fitness and not gaming.
YTA. Please let me know if this same question was asked with the sexes reversed how this would be percieved. His health is his choice.
YTA. I was the partner who was asked to workout in this situation. I don’t mind exercise but working out at a gym is just mind numbing to me. I did it for a few years because I was asked and hated it. I never took it out on my partner but the resentment was there in my heart no matter how I tried to suppress it. We are divorced.
You should thank him for pushing himself so hard to support you, but he need not do that again.
YTA! Not eating breakfast before a workout is terrible for your metabolism and your performance. Nobody should be doing unfueled exercise, particularly someone who is not accustomed to the workouts. You’re doubly TA because your boyfriend clearly doesn’t share an interest in this hobby. You picked the absolute worst way to get him into it, if that really is your goal.
YTA. Not for having an interest in and a passion for working out, and not for wanting to share that with your SO, but definitely for not easing an absolute beginner into something he was only doing to humor you. Yes, I know it would be good for him and he’d benefit from it — but DANG, girl, CrossFit? Immediately? With no breakfast? That was a jerk move.
If you truly want him to take more of an interest in his fitness level, encourage (don’t push!) him to take up an activity that he actually likes. Bike riding, maybe. Walking. Swimming. Dancing. Or go with him to the gym and do a newbie routine with him. If the point is to a) be physically active b) while doing it together, don’t limit *yourself* to only what you know. Be open-minded and remember that you didn’t get where you are all at once.
I am 39F and have only consistently been working out for 4 years. I now have a good routine and know when to listen to my body.
However it took me years to get here with cycles of motivation/ injury/ demotivation. I would join all sorts classes etc and go hell to leather and end up falling out with it.
I’m desperately trying to get my husband, 42 to work out since he has a sedentary job and does not work out at all.
I’m doing it from a good place. After all he is the father of my child and I rely on him being able to work to pay half of our mortgage 🤣 but he does take offence to my suggestions, so it is a delicate subject.
Why don’t you try swimming or a C25K programme with him? Ease in a little
Soft YTA
You should not expect someone who is new to working out to immediately jump into a full workout. That’s a great way to burn them out and scare them away from future workouts. Joining a class is a terrible introduction because there’s a lot of unspoken pressure to keep up with the group.
It’s great that you want to introduce them to your interest in exercise, but you need to introduce them slowly. Unless you were already fit, I’m guessing you didn’t do a full CrossFit workout when you started.
Start with a private session with just the two of you and keep an eye out for how he’s feeling. After he’s had a week or two for his body to start adjusting you can start to ramp it up. Just be aware it will likely be several months before he can keep up with you if you’ve been training for several years.
NTA not having an “interest” in physical fitness is OK. But not being able handle physical activity isn’t. He needs to atleast be walking a few miles a day. If he isn’t willing to atleast walk then you need to realize it will get worse and his health will decline much sooner than yours
you both are.… what’s the acronym for that? you for forcing him and him for toxic masculinity. start with a walk around the block every other day. maybe a hike. everyone should exercise. it’s just healthy. start slow and develop life long habits.
Yta – I love working out. In a typical week I hit the gym four times, run a couple times, and climb. I have never once felt like I needed to force a partner into it. You can decide it’s an incompatibility and split up but you can’t force him to be interested in going to the gym if he isn’t.
Also CrossFit style workouts have got to be the worst way to introduce someone who is sedentary to working out. there’s a reason so many CrossFit gyms offer ‘onramp’ programs – it’s too much, too fast. Hell I don’t even really enjoy that style of workout …I’d rather get my cardio from my runs and focus my gym sessions on lifting.
OMG – at 26? At 26 I was able to go out until 2am and be able to do a full workout before going out that evening to get drunk again lol!
NTA – you’re boyfriend needs to use this as a wake-up call that he is severely out of shape and will run into health problems early on f he doesn’t make some changes.
YTA First of all, even if you don’t eat breakfast, it was beyond irresponsible of you to not have the common sense to make sure he ate before hand. Your body is used to the routine, his is not.
Stop pressuring him. If he wants to work out, he will.
When I decided to give up soda, I told my husband that while I’d love for him to join me in that as well, I wouldn’t nag him or stop him from getting them for himself if he didn’t want to give it up, but please don’t get me any if he’s out.
Know what happened after a month of me following through on what I said? He decided, on his own, that he’d like to drop soda as well.
YTA. Just because you feel better exercising on an empty stomach doesn’t mean he can.
Also, he doesn’t want to exercise. Browbeating him into it is a dick move.
Also also, you’re judgemental as hell about his capabilities. If you want a gym rat, go get yourself a gym rat and let this poor guy alone.
Throwing up after working out is a sign of dehydration by the way.
YTA. You are tying to change him when he doesn’t want to change and you set him up to fail with a workout that was beyond his capabilities, on an empty stomach. He’s never going to work out with you again.
YTA. His bloodsugar probably tanked and that’s why he threw up. You had someone who is essentially a couch potato complete a CrossFit workout on an empty stomach. You did it to make a point and shove in his face that he is out of shape. You are a bully to your own boyfriend.
NTA!! Your bf is TWENTY SIX years old. Shouldn’t be your responsibility to “make sure he doesn’t overdo it”. He’s an adult.
His dizziness however, absolutely is more likely to be caused by his lack of eating breakfast rather than his level of fitness. Him working out like that fasted for the first time likely caused a little chaos in his system. You should encourage him to eat breakfast and try the workout again.
YTA. You took a man who isn’t into fitness to the same workout that you do all the time for years. Obviously, it was going to be too much for him. Him not eating anything before hand could very well have affected his blood sugar and caused the dizziness and vomiting. You say he isn’t overweight and is happy how he is. You need to either accept this, along with the fact he isn’t “muscular or in great shape,” or admit you don’t find him attractive and break up.
Undoubtedly YTA. And what’s even worse is that you can’t see why
YTA, crossfit at 7am and you’re angry with him for puking, and won’t accept his reasoning . I’m totally into fitness and encourage it, but you just chucked him in at the deep end.
NTA. Fitness is part of being a healthy, functional adult. He overdid it, but this should be a wakeup call he’s out of shape and to fix it.
YTA. For context, I have only just become physical as a woman. The first day I decided to help out at a barn (horse riding has become my first real sport) with 0 experience or exercise leading up to it, I damn near passed out, and that isn’t a regimented class. He clearly was NOT ready. All that said, you need to rethink this relationship. If he truly doesn’t care for ex raise and that’s a deal breaker for you, why keep pushing him to be someone he isn’t ? There are men out there who will be delighted to go out with you to hit the gym in the mornings. This doesn’t make either of you bad people to say you might not be compatible.
Kind of YTA. I think it’s great you want to work out together. Maybe ease him in a bit more but only if he’s interested. It is concerning that he’s that out of shape at his age. Things are likely to only get worse unless he makes a change, which you can’t force.
YTA.
He doesn’t have the same build up of glycogen stores in his muscles like you would (because you do this regularly so your body is prepared for it). Not having breakfast and doing a workout likely gave him a hypo as he didn’t have any back up stores to work with. Look it up, it’s a is a horrible experience.
Honestly, as somebody who works out pretty regularly and loves it, YTA. I run a couple miles 3 or more times a week, and I would never invite one of my friends or family members who doesn’t work out to try and do those runs with me. Or to attempt my weight training regime. And they aren’t even as intense as this.
Those are skills I’ve built up over years of working out. You can’t just step into the gym and start at that level if you don’t have any prior experience in fitness.
It would be far more beneficial to start small, taking walks together, starting him on easy weights and slow, simple workouts. Make small changes and work your way towards bigger ones. Especially because he doesn’t want to work out. Now you’ve just given him an excuse not to workout more, because the fear from getting sick and feeling awful after a workout can last.
Plus, he probably felt either embarrassed surrounded by others that could do the workouts no problem, or wanted to keep up with you to not let you down since this is something you keep pestering him about.
It would be far better to preface wanting to workout together for it to be a mutual activity and for his health. And then find activities you guys enjoy together, whether that’s running, tennis, weight training, kickboxing, etc.
NTA.
I wish my girl had wanted me to join her at the gym.
You remind me of fathers who force their sons to play a sport their sons don’t want to play. Their sons are not jocks and don’t want to be but the fathers need them to be jocks for their personal fulfillment, not their sons’. And those fathers are AHs who find value in their sons so long as their sons can satisfy them, and can’t/won’t respect their sons if they don’t.
YTA big time, lady. Fitness is personal for everyone. Not only did you pressure him into it, but you did it in the worst way, not taking into account that this is NEW for him. You really, really suck. He doesn’t need to “take responsibility for his fitness” just because it’s not up to YOUR standard. If another person’s fitness is that important to you, go find someone who shares that value and leave this man well enough alone. And you have the audacity to be frustrated with HIM?? Are you serious?
If you actually gave a damn about him OR his health, you’d do better. You’re the one who wants to control someone else’s fitness, then YOU can put in the work to make sure it’s actually safe and feasible for him.
But, again: fitness is a personal journey so imo you suck even for that. Not to mention how much worse it would look if the roles were reversed and a man tried this bs on a woman.
YTA. How did you think this was going to go?
Why on earth did you think a full on workout was a good idea for someone who never works out?
YTA. First of all, his dizziness after the workout likely was because of not eating beforehand, because he literally woke up and used up every single bit of energy he had without replenishing. Second, nagging someone who you know doesnt like to go to the gym to work out endlessly and then immediately dropping them into the highest intensity work out the second they agree is absolutely AH behavior. You know based on the last year of interactions that he doesn’t want to go to the gym. Continuing to ask every day is just ignoring his no. And then, when he finally agrees to go to make you happy or get you to stop nagging him about it, you take him to a class that you should have known would be too hard for him, with no sustenance. So to me, it seems like you just dropped him into the deep end as a way to punish him for not already being able to swim, and then when he started to drown you could go haha see I told you you should learn to swim. YTA. Big time.
YTA. I workout daily. I’d want a fit partner too. But trying to change someone you’re dating is fucked up. And eating first thing in the morning for many people is crucial to stabilize their blood sugar. You’re acting like this isn’t normal and instead it’s his fault for not being fit? The fuck?
YTA.
I’m the same as you. My wife is a couch potato. She isn’t overweight or anything and is in fine shape but she doesn’t exercise and is lazy. If I dragged her to the gym at 7am with no food and made her do the same hour long workout even at lower weights I would be a complete AH.
I don’t know what’s with you CrossFit ppl. Like doing burpees and running around like a madman is going to obliterate someone with no physical conditioning. If your point was to shame your bf, congratulations he’s never going to workout again.
If you really wanted him to be healthier you could encourage him to get a walking pad or something low impact he can start with (even while gaming) to slowly ramp up towards intense high interval training if that’s the end goal.
Yikes.
YTA doing the workout without eating before IS overdoing it. He’s right, it is because he didn’t eat, going from novice level fitness to working out at 7am on an empty stomach would make a lot of people very dizzy. You were trying him to match your pace instead of doing it for him in a way that suits him. If you know he’s out of shape why would you make him work before eating, obviously he need energy to do it. And now you’re frustrated with him? Jeez woman.
NTA but the workout could have been planned a bit better for his level. however, most of those classes are designed to push you and he is an adult who made the decision to go.
If he has never pushed himself to that level of exhaustion so much so that he thought he was maybe dying is telling on his work ethic.
health and fitness can be sensitive topics because people link shame to their body but it’s very normal to want your partner to be healthy. From a longevity standpoint and physiological we want our partners to be healthy and he hasn’t taken accountability for his health and fitness.
It’s natural for a partner who is in that space to help push their partners to have better habits. Anyone thinking YTA for pushing your partner too hard for wanting him to workout for his health, value complacency and coddling your partners feelings instead of being a good partner. Good partners push us to be better.
I see nothing wrong with it
Oh my fucking god, YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA. This man should leave you. Have some empathy. Not everyone wants to be a gym rat. You can have your hobbies and he can have his. If you don’t like it, dump him for someone just as shallow as you.
If your goal was to inspire him to NEVER do ANY physical activity again, congrats!
YTA, so very very very obviously.
I bet when your routine on your first day was wildly different than it is now. Yet you lack the intelligence to recognize that. Nevermind the fact that we don’t tell other people what to do with their bodies unless they ask!
YTA, I understand wanting your partner to be healthy and look physically fit, but you can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do. Taking care of your body should be part of being a responsible adult, sure, but you can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do. It’s okay to invite him and encourage him but he isn’t on your level of fitness class, he has to start small and gradual.
NTA. He pushed himself probably trying to prove a point and keep up w you but you didn’t get to where you were overnight. He doesn’t workout so he felt it long before it got to the spins and vomit. He definitely needs to be in the gym and plan better and take it easy until he knows his limits. He’s a sedentary gamer but an able bodied 26M shouldn’t be vomiting and spinning after a workout.
YTA. You know perfectly well you need to work up to your level of fitness and you threw your BF under the bus, asking him to do something he wasn’t ready for. I imagine he may be feeling a bit humiliated at how this played out.
You either love him for who and what he is, or you don’t. Invite him to join you? Yes. Constantly badger him? No. Pressure him to the point in which he does something against his best interest? NO. Stop trying to change him into what you want. If you want a guy who is a fitness buff, go find one. Either accept this man as he is or walk away.
Actually, I think he should walk away. You don’t have his best interests at heart, just your own agenda.
YTA, you fucking suck.
NTA, the people crying about skipping breakfast are the same who think we need to keep eating every few hours or we fall over with empty batteries. Unless he is a 0% body fat freak of nature, his body had more than enough energy to do the workout, he simply should not have pushed himself if he’s that out of shape. Its semi common to work out fasted, this is not some crazy elvish monk arts and everybody thinking it is just goes to show the fitness level of the average redditor.
Hopefully a wake up call for him, congrats on that dedication to be up at 7AM like that everyday.
NTA he needs to figure out what he can do, and do that. He should want to join you in something that’s important to you. And quite frankly breakfast had nothing to do with it, he should be kind of embarrassed lol
I’m just reading this and chuckling… If the gender roles were reversed, people would be shouting to call the police immediately and have him jailed for a thousand years.
For the record, having quality time together during a workout is a joke. If you have enough breath to talk about meaningful things during your workout, you’re not pushing beyond about 10% of your capacity and you should reconsider the life choices that led you to this point. 😂
NTA , but some people do need to eat in the morning and that should have been considered. At the same time, he is 26 so him not knowing his limits and being a lazy gamer pig is his fault
YTA. Please just break up with the poor guy so he can find someone who doesn’t want to change him.
ESH. You’re a good girlfriend for trying to get your boyfriend to go to the gym with you. But you need to be careful about making someone out of shape do a class you’ve been doing for months. You’re supposed to start slow.
Anyone talking about body shaming or other nonsense should be ignored. I was badly overweight (I’m still fat but I lost 50 pounds) and I’m working on it. My sister pushed me to go to the gym with her. It’s not mean, it’s helpful. But she constantly reminded me to go slow to start. I used to play football so I am experienced with working out so I got back into it pretty quickly without making myself sick. Eating beforehand is important. Now I make fun of her because her personal record weightlifting is my warmup weight. I constantly remind her she has the strength of a 13 yo boy.