I (F26) had plans to go down to the shore for the fourth of July with my family. It was planned for 3 weeks and my sister and her boyfriend were coming in from Boston. My partner (M27) recently started a new job and for orientation there was no set schedule. He thought he would have to work on the 4th from 4pm-10pm or not at all. A week ago I let him know if he is off of work I would really like him to join. I had off Friday (4th of July), so planned on driving down Thursday night to spend my day off at the beach. My boyfriend found out at 3pm on Thursday that he would have to work until 4:00pm Friday (4th of July). I let him know I feel horrible about him having to work but I would still be leaving Thursday as originally planned. He is upset and wanted me to stay home on Friday and wait for him to get out of work so that we can drive down together. I didn’t want to spend my holiday waiting around at home and then driving 4-5 hours after to the beach and essentially miss the 4th of July. He was still invited if he wanted to drive down. AITA?
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I (F26) had plans to go down to the shore for the fourth of July with my family. It was planned for 3 weeks and my sister and her boyfriend were coming in from Boston. My partner (M27) recently started a new job and for orientation there was no set schedule. He thought he would have to work on the 4th from 4pm-10pm or not at all. A week ago I let him know if he is off of work I would really like him to join. I had off Friday (4th of July), so planned on driving down Thursday night to spend my day off at the beach. My boyfriend found out at 3pm on Thursday that he would have to work until 4:00pm Friday (4th of July). I let him know I feel horrible about him having to work but I would still be leaving Thursday as originally planned. He is upset and wanted me to stay home on Friday and wait for him to get out of work so that we can drive down together. I didn’t want to spend my holiday waiting around at home and then driving 4-5 hours after to the beach and essentially miss the 4th of July. He was still invited if he wanted to drive down. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) The action I took was that I drove down to the Jersey shore on Thursday (4-5 hr drive) as planned to be with my family for the holiday, instead of staying home on the fourth of July to wait until he gets gets out of work.
2) I may be the asshole because he had work until 4:00pm and he didn’t want to drive down alone.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Why ruin both of you guys’ day?
NTA – Is the his first red flag or has there been a pattern of everything being about him?
NTA.
You had plans with your family for weeks, and your boyfriend’s work schedule was uncertain until the last minute. It’s understandable that you didn’t want to waste your day off waiting around, especially when you could be enjoying time with your family at the shore.
You gave him the option to join later, which was reasonable. While it’s unfortunate he had to work, expecting you to delay your plans (and essentially miss most of the holiday) just so you could drive down together seems unfair. Relationships require flexibility, but that goes both ways. He could have accepted that his schedule didn’t align this time and encouraged you to go ahead without him.
If he was really looking forward to spending the holiday with you, he could have made the effort to drive down after work. His frustration might come from disappointment, but that doesn’t mean you were wrong for sticking to your original plans.
NTA, he’s being really selfish.
NTA. Does he frequently want you to miss out on things because he can’t join? If this is the first time, be cautious going forward. If it is a common theme, reconsider the relationship.
NTA. His expectation for you to sideline your plans just because of his work is extremely selfish and a red flag. Tells me he’d probably do crap like that in the future/had done crap like that in the past.
NTA, there was really no need for you to wait a whole day only to drive together to the shore.
NTA. He shouldn’t be trying to guilt trip you for not joining your family at the shore just because he has to work. Too bad, so sad.
NTA and this is a red flag. Is BF always this selfish and self-centered?
He isn’t the one.
NTA, is he always this much of a selfish bellend?
NTA. Your boyfriend’s request was extremely selfish and narcissistic. This negative personality trait is something you should keep an eye on if you plan to move forward with the relationship.
NTA
This controlling behavior is a red flag. How often is he trying to keep you away from your other relationships? Is he exhibiting controlling or isolating behavior in other situations?
Did you go as planned?
NTA. Enjoy the time with your family.
NTA. You’re not married. And even if you were it’s still your holiday.
Nta
NTA. He sounds like he’s a bit selfish.
Is your boyfriend a bit “slow”?
NTA. He is being controlling.
NTA. Keep that mindset. I’m older and have wasted too much time waiting around for people only to waste an entire day that I could have been having fun with. Any guy that acts like him isn’t worth it.
NTA. Expecting someone to ditch that much time for their convenience is incredibly rude.
NTA
Well, this is after the fourth, so now I want to know… did you go? Was he too tired after working all day to drive 4 hours?
Hope you have a great Fifth of July!
NTA if you have family coming to see you and he expects you to sit home alone and wait for him?
Would he do that for you if it was his family? Either way NTA. It’s not your fault he has to work. If he doesn’t want to drive he can stay home after work.
Why should you sit home all day instead of being with your family? I think it’s extremely selfish of him to want you to just sit there all day. You do what you want and be with your family and if he wants to join after work he can.
Nta, he was being unreasonable. Basically he has to work the holiday and should find something closer to home to do or drive down and spend the weekend. Lots of ppl have to work on the holiday…..there is no reason your holiday should be ruined because of this.
NTA. His request is unreasonable. Go be with your family.
NTA. You had plans with your family, and that’s important. Holidays at the beginning of a new job often suck, because they may just pay the time and a half to get that training done.
But that’s life. I don’t know how else to say it, but it is. Nobody your age wants to work on a holiday, but that’s life, man. Eventually you become the older adults in your family and holidays are not relaxing because you either have to work or make the party for everyone else.
But he has to work, and you still have plans. No point in ruining your day. He can drive down after work