We love our daughter and we have a good relationship. She had a breakup and moved home in July temporarily (6 months? 12 months?). We are more than happy to help out and she can stay as long as she needs to, but she is complaining about our wifi coverage and how it’s affecting her ability to do her job remotely. She can be pretty frugal and has asked us to pay for an extender that will cover her bedroom. We said “no way” after laughing a little bit.
To be fair, our AT&T wifi has always been spotty at either end of our large home, so we can understand her issue. However, she’s a grown woman with a good job making good money and has significant savings. Significantly ahead of where others her age are (28 – 30). My wife and I are retired empty nesters and our wifi works perfectly well for us. She has other options to connect (plenty of room in the finished basement) but doesn’t like to work there due to furniture (1 room) or lack of windows (other 2 rooms).
We can afford to do whatever we want with our house but find it off-putting that she wouldn’t just buy/rent the extender and be done with it. We don’t charge rent, we pay for groceries (she has dietary restrictions so she does buy some of her own as well), and we cook or provide dinner 6 days a week (she cooks one dinner a week). We believe her asking/expecting us to pay for this “since it’s your house” is over the top. Mind you, we’re also paying for a family vacation (flights, hotel, rental car, attractions/park tickets, meals) in a month. We get that children get used to parents paying for everything but this one has us alternately laughing out loud and scratching our heads. She refuses to pay anything for the extender “on principle”, and so I guess it’s on principle that we’re refusing. Are we the As?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
We love our daughter and we have a good relationship. She had a breakup and moved home in July temporarily (6 months? 12 months?). We are more than happy to help out and she can stay as long as she needs to, but she is complaining about our wifi coverage and how it’s affecting her ability to do her job remotely. She can be pretty frugal and has asked us to pay for an extender that will cover her bedroom. We said “no way” after laughing a little bit.
To be fair, our AT&T wifi has always been spotty at either end of our large home, so we can understand her issue. However, she’s a grown woman with a good job making good money and has significant savings. Significantly ahead of where others her age are (28 – 30). My wife and I are retired empty nesters and our wifi works perfectly well for us. She has other options to connect (plenty of room in the finished basement) but doesn’t like to work there due to furniture (1 room) or lack of windows (other 2 rooms).
We can afford to do whatever we want with our house but find it off-putting that she wouldn’t just buy/rent the extender and be done with it. We don’t charge rent, we pay for groceries (she has dietary restrictions so she does buy some of her own as well), and we cook or provide dinner 6 days a week (she cooks one dinner a week). We believe her asking/expecting us to pay for this “since it’s your house” is over the top. Mind you, we’re also paying for a family vacation (flights, hotel, rental car, attractions/park tickets, meals) in a month. We get that children get used to parents paying for everything but this one has us alternately laughing out loud and scratching our heads. She refuses to pay anything for the extender “on principle”, and so I guess it’s on principle that we’re refusing. Are we the As?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> We declined to pay for a wifi extender for our adult daughter who’s living rent-free here.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. As an adult daughter living with my parents, fuck that. I pay rent + my share of all household bills + my own food. What fucking principle??
NTA. She will have to suffer “on principle “.
NTA. If your daughter has a good job, she can pony up for the extender while living for free at home.
NTA – this seems incredibly entitled. You’re helping her out and it’s her adult responsibility to have the appropriate work environment she requires for her adult job. Are you sure she’ll move out after 6-12 months? If she’s there basically for free and complaining about buying a wifi extender, how will she feel about having to pay for it all?
NTA.
She needs to start paying rent. You can save it for her and give it to her when she leaves as a forced savings kind of thing. She also needs to be paying for her own cell phone and car insurance. She should be covering HER living expenses. She has no motivation to leave.
NTA, what a ridiculous ask by her do not give in you will be doing her more harm than good if you do give in
NTA Stick to your guns and tell her you’re refusing her request on your principals take it or leave it.
NTA, she’s an adult and has a paying job, she can pay for it if she needs it. It’s your home and you’ve been kind enough to let her live temporarily with you, but you don’t owe her modifications or improvements. If she doesn’t like it, she can find another place to stay / work from.
Wow. You have a very entitled and ungrateful daughter there. NTA.
YTA for raising a human being with that entitled attitude. WOW she cooks one night a week. Isn’t she amazing. Stop now. She should be paying rent, for her own groceries and towards utilities.
NTA—that’s something that needs to come out of her pocket.
And speaking as an employed adult still living at home, think about requiring some kind of rent from her. It doesn’t need to be crazy but she needs a reminder that this isn’t a free ride.
You’re already doing too much letting her live there rent and bill-free, buying special groceries to meet her dietary restrictions, cooking for her 6 days a week, AND paying for her vacation?
I’d get it if she was unemployed, depressed, disabled, etc, but she seems like a perfectly fine, functioning adult. Why are you surprised she’s so easily taking advantage of you?
NTA for wanting to set a boundary, but you should also stop enabling her behavior.
I paid to install internet in my grandparents home just for when I went home on holidays. But then moved in between jobs, and when I left they took over. She wants it, she can get it.
NTA. You sound like great parents, but you mayyyyyy have spoiled her just a wee bit. That’s some top tier levels of entitlement.
Of course not. Jeez.
NTA
> We don’t charge rent, we pay for groceries
Well that’s rather mean of you /s
> she’s a grown woman with a good job making good money and has significant savings…she is complaining about our wifi coverage and how it’s affecting her ability to do her job remotely
Given everything else, this is definitely a “her problem” situation.
NTA ask her to explain this principle that means she is refusing to buy an extender she needs, but that you don’t need.
To me it sounds very much like the entitled principle.
>she’s a grown woman with a good job making good money and has significant savings
So why is she living at home?
>Significantly ahead of where others her age are
She’s living at home so no, no she’s not.
And she won’t even pay for stuff she needs. Stop kidding yourself that she’s “significantly ahead” of anyone. Why did you raise such an entitled and helpless person?
NTA for not buying the range extender, but you have some responsibility for how your daughter turned out (that means you don’t just get to take credit for the good parts).
YTA for letting a grown woman who makes good money live in your home rent free, pay for groceries, make her dinner, etc. She sounds spoiled and entitled and that’s kind of on you.
NTA
She can purchase an extender/repeater at an electronics store.
Your daughter has a good job and significant savings. If the wifi isn’t good enough for her, she can either pay for the extender or move out. NTA.
You’re kidding, right? It’s not too late to become a good parent and teach your kid that God only helps those who help themselves.
Nope
NTA. But it kinda sounds like you’ve enabled this entitled attitude.
Nope and should be charging her rent
NTA. It sounds like she’s becoming entitled and you’re being an enabler. Time to put a stop to that. Perhaps start charging rent.
NTA Good for you for drawing the line. Hopefully she won’t stay forever.
NTA …but you’ve created an entitled monster.
Had she been raised correctly, she would be contributing to the household. If not financially, then by doing chores. Further, the conversation would have been “hey, I’d like better/faster internet, so I’n going to cover the cost”.
Also, Wi-Fi extenders don’t work.
NTA. Zero reason why she can’t pay for it if she wants/needs it.
NTA. I wish I had a sweet deal like her, I would absolutely offer to pay for your upgrade myself if I was your daughter.
NTA
She should buy it and she can take it with her when she moves out.
NTA
She can pay for the extender and take it with her when she moves out.
Why isn’t she paying rent?
NTA. But if she really doesn’t want to pay outright for it, the the obvious solution is to add it onto the market cost rent you need to start charging her.
NTA. If she needs it for work she can pay for anything.
NTA. Ans also, don’t listen to those who say “you didn’t raise her right”
Bc as a parent, you can only do so much. Once children become adults, they make their own decisions and have their own values.
NTA. Find out how much it will cost, then tell her you’re raising rent to that amount, lol. That or change the WiFi password and make her get her own internet. She can use a hotspot like other people do.
YTA to yourself. She sounds incredibly entitled
Tell her to buy her own extender. She’s the only one who needs it and it’s not that expensive. When she moves out she can take it with her. She’s being selfish and ungrateful.
FWIW our 30 year old adult child paid $600 a month to live with us. One bedrooms near us cost at least $2,500. And they bought groceries at least twice a month on their own. Charge her rent. She can pay for the extender.
Need another daughter? NTA
No, but it seems you might have raised one accidentally.
Thank you for standing up to your daughter. I suggest you also serve her eviction papers. It’s time for your adult daughter to stand on her own two feet.
NTA I bought my parents a mesh network setup when I went to visit them a couple years ago so I could work remotely there. I only see them once a year for a few days. Your daughter can spend the $200 for a decent mesh network setup and take it with her whenever she moves out.
nta she’s acting entitled. She is the one who needs the extender, so she should pay for it.
NTA. If I had that kind of deal I wouldn’t say shit. I’d let y’all know that I was going to pay to upgrade the wifi and that’s it.
NTA
Your daughter is living free and that is a major break you’re giving her. To expect you to upgrade because she want is non-negotiable. If she doesn’t like it, she can move out and pay her own rent.
She refuse to pay on “principal”. You can give her eviction notice to move out.
It’s about time she learn to pay things on her own.
NTA. You’re already housing, feeding, and vacationing her for free. If she wants better wifi for her work, she can buy the extender herself. That’s not a household problem, that’s her convenience problem
She refuses to pay on principle? Yes it’s your house but you don’t even need this extender, it’s she who does. So why should you buy just bcoz someone else needs it ? Where’s the principle on forcing you to buy what you don’t even need?
You guys are doing way beyond for her but she’s sounding entitled & demanding. Don’t enable her behavior.
NTA but if she doesn’t start learning to be more independent (not spoiled or entitled), she will never succeed in life. I wonder if her “frugalness” and “on principle” played a part in her breakup
NTA, but kinda guessing you could tell on your own. Better as a venting post IMO
ETA: are you actually conflicted on whether you’re the asshole? Or do you just want a bunch of people to pile on your kid so you feel better?
It would be better to just talk to her about how this made you feel instead of seeking external relief.
NTA. She’s an adult with a job
NTA!
You are doing MORE than you are required to do. If she wants better Wi-Fi she should pay for it. If it affects her job she will.
On principle! 🤦🏽♀️
BTW, she’s your roommate forever. Why would she leave that cushiony setup!?!
An extender is maybe $30. Upgrading bandwidth considerably more.
NTA and tell her she can take it with her when she leaves.
NTA – She should be paying for it herself if she is not paying rent / contributing to bills / buying most of her food… so in essence if she’s not paying for the internet service, then she doesn’t get a say on how you have it setup, unless she is contributing to any updates / upgrades to your setup
NTA
Tell her to go where the Wi-Fi is better if it’s so terrible. And then give her a timeline for vacating.
My mom would’ve laughed her ass off…I was paying rent, the electric bill, and the phone bill when I moved out.
What principle is she referring to?
Her work requires her to have reliable Internet access. She can either pay for her own ISP or pay for an extender. In exchange, she can keep earning her paycheck.
ETA: My prediction – regardless of who buys the extender, she’ll decide she needs something better soon.
You’re not operating a co-working facility. Let her figure out her own technology needs and pay for them herself.
You don’t need the extender. She can take it with her when she leaves.
You really should consider charging at least a nominal amount of rent, grown people need to contribute to their living arrangements.
No you are not the As-unless, here, A means Angels!
NTA, why would you buy something you don’t want or need? Tell her there are plenty of good spots and if she doesn’t like it then she can buy her extender. They cost peanuts.
Nta. What exactly is the principle she is basing this on? Why would you buy it? It doesn’t affect you if you don’t get it. If she needs it, she needs to buy it. Why is she even staying with you? It sounds like she has more than enough money to live on her own.
NTA, I had one of these extenders before, my brothers ip (I think) kept getting hacked through it
Oh no, you created this problem. So YTA for not setting boundaries with your daughter. This is what everyone complains about with the younger generations!!!
Make her pay rent and for food, why doesn’t she sometimes cook dinner for you? She’s a moocher and it’s your fault, 100%.
She’s winning and probably laughing behind your back.
NTA . She should pay for the extender because you cover all other costs.
NTA. If I lived for free with my parents, I’d pay for the upgrade and buy you new TVs hah. That is insane.
Buying an extender is most likely cheaper for her than finding another place to live
NTA. Her job her problem. Yall are very generous parents.
NTA. An extender can be bought for 15 USD, she can surely afford that on her own.
If she wants better wifi, she should get her own home or buy it herself, if you do not want to do that, you shouldn’t be forced too, especially since she’s an adult and is fully capable of earning her own money. If she’s too stubborn, she should go to a place like Starbucks for free wifi
YTA. You created this problem.
When you give everything and ask for little/nothing, it’s easy to see why she has such a sense of entitlement.
Eh… ESH. Wifi extenders are pretty cheap. Wouldn’t kill you to get one, and for that matter it wouldn’t kill her either.
NTA, a router on the high end is 100 dollar, she needs to buy it herself.
I’m in a pretty similar situation as your daughter, and I say NTA. You should frame it as getting an extender will probably be useful for when she eventually buys a house and moves out.
Also these comments are…insane. God forbid someone has an opportunity to save some money in this absolutely disgusting job market we’re all in. Maybe being from the Bay Area has twisted my perception but I thought it’s pretty normal to live w your parents whilst having a 6 figure job to save money to buy property (esp in VHCOL areas).
Tell her to get her own internet service…… or pay for it herself…..
She says it’s your house say you’re right it is my house you have x days to move out or say you have to start paying rent and utilities
My adult kid moved home and wanted upgraded wi-fi. He said “I’ll upgrade it and pay the bill” so he now pays the full bill. He also contributes to other expenses. He’s an adult, he understands he’s living mortgage and rent free. He’d never in his wildest dreams expect to be expenses free on top of that.
This is how respectful adults who are not entitled behave. I’d be having a very firm “contribute or leave” discussion if I was in your position.
NTA- she’s a grown woman- I’d let her know she’s welcome to move out anytime to upgrade her WiFi capabilities
Is there no way to move the wifi router instead?
NTA kick her out and if she wants free wifi when can suck dicks on the streets.
NTA and I will gladly take her place and pay for the WIFI extender, on principle!!
Nta
Tell her if principals are so important she can start paying rent.
Nta. Also if it is your house, then you like YOUR WIFI just how it is. She can be looking for her own place as she is freeloading. Just because she came back to stay with you does not mean you have to foot her bill. Especially if she has a job that is supplying her money. I know you say you don’t mind her being there but she has already quickly outstayed her welcome by trying to go back to being a kid and y’all take care of her and her expenses. She is a grown adult and should not be spoiled like this. You MUST set clear boundaries and warn her that if she cannot help but try to stomp on them you have to be firm and loving and explain she might need some therapy to handle her breakup. She sounds like she may be trying to revert back to kid mentality. Super worrisome.
Nta makes sense why she got dumped.
NTA.. an extender will cost her nothing vs rent.
You need to stop enabling her.. charge her rent (even if you don’t like.. give it back to her if she needs money in future)
NTA. You don’t need WiFi where she wants it. That’s a want that is strictly her own (and not even a need since she can just be elsewhere in the house), so it’s on her to make that happen. What a weird demand, especially over something so inexpensive.
NTA.
If she needs it for her job, she can afford to pay for it. A wifi extender costs as little as $11 (or as much as $40-50). If she has a remote job, she can likely afford that, and bonus, take it with her when she moves out since it will be her extender.
NTA. If she needs faster wifi so bad, she should pay for it. And on top of that, it would be a nice and extremely affordable way to show some appreciation that you’re letting her stay rent free.
You have to be joking, or please tell me this is a fake post. What is wrong with her, and with you for allowing this to go on when she has a damn job? I sneak my credit card into the card reader when we go to the grocery store if we’ve visited for more than maybe 2 days. They’re comfortable financially, but I don’t feel right letting them pay for a bunch of food when they aren’t eating half of it. If you don’t want to charge her rent, then don’t, but she should be paying for her special groceries and wifi upgrade at the very very least.
Nah- she can ask and you can say no.
NTA, you have to in turn make damn sure you don’t buy anything internet related “on principle” too now. One of you will cave in first, and I doubt it’s the ones who are absolutely fine with the current bandwidth.
Your daughter is doing some kind of weird subconscious power game. The home is not hers, nor is the room, the space, the internet etc. This is her taking an amount of control over the space back. Don’t led that kind of pseudopsych bullcrap take over.
Remember, parenting doesn’t end until someone dies. This entitlement, even though it likely only applies to you, should get snipped asap.
Shes 30 and has a good job? Stop enabling her and throw her ungrateful ass out…
NTA – Ever just try laughing at her? Cuz that’s surely what I would do.
Tell her no means no. She needs it, she should buy it. NTA
You raised an entitled kid. This can’t be great for her relationships. It sounds like it might be time for her to leave the best since she’s not able to be independent under your roof
YWBTA if you enabled her further
Can I move in???
NTA but I don’t understand why people are claiming you’re in the wrong for helping your daughter through a rough time.
Yeah asking to upgrade the internet (without offering to pay for it) is entitled but it’s not really a call to your parenting? She’s a grown woman , she’s had time to become her own person outside of her parents influence.
NTA
It’s just rude that she is balking at this small cost.
Wi- fi extenders are cheap and easy to install,bar code or YouTube video to install said extender
NTA-I’m going through a similar issue. Any extras the daughter will take care of herself including wi-fi.
NTA. When we needed to boost my parents house when there were 6 people working from their place in covid for a brief time my brother and I split the cost of extenders. Parents bought pizza no one was disappointed.
NTA if she needs the extender for her job, she should pay for it. Heck, she can even see if her job will reimburse it as a work expense. Don’t let her take advantage of yall.
NTA – It’s your house and it suits your needs.
That said, I’d suggest you discuss upgrading your WiFi for all of you and split it in some equitable fashion. Extenders generally don’t work that well. A mesh WiFi network would serve your whole house better. And even outside, which could be nice for sitting in the back yard while listening to a podcast or something. I helped my girlfriend’s folks upgrade and WiFi ‘just works’ everywhere inside as well as in the back yard and front porch.
NTA – Wifi extenders are $100ish. Tell her to get one.
Those extenders are like $20 I can’t believe she even asked you. Providers will even loan them for free if the signal isn’t strong
i mean charge rent. in excess of the cost
like if its 30$ charge 230$
put remainder in savings
give back to her when she is on. her feet
this aint how the real world works- what would she do if she did not have the luxury of mom and dad?
demand it from a roommate 😂
My husband and I had to move back in with my parents for 4 months as an emergency in 2020. While we were there we painted, replaced the carpet in the room we were staying in, bought a window a/c unit and replaced two toilets in the house. We also bought a wifi extender because my parents also have AT&T and it’s also spotty at their house. We never considered asking them to pay for these items, and we WERE paying rent (a very small amount). We also left all of it behind when we moved out. NTA.
You’re doing your daughter a huge solid, she can provide any changes she needs made herself.
She can start paying rent and then you can take that money to get that wifi she wants. I mean $800 a month for a room, $40 wifi sounds about good. She’s still unhappy, she can move out.
Extenders are not that good, if you have issue with range of your WiFi get a mesh router system. 3-4 would do the trick and you can get from Amazon or Costco for under $200. Offer to split the cost with her and you’ll benefit the rest of your life after she moves out too
NTA. If she wants it bad enough she can pay for an extender or the upgrade.
Ask my friends that work remotely get a technology stipend to buy equipment/supplies. Has she asked the company to see if they’ll reimburse her? Nta beggars can’t be choosers unless they’re just cheap.
No. But you are also asking for trouble by treating an adult (your description) like a child.
In my experience it is true that people nowadays do not value things that come with no upfront cost (your time, help, money etc), and over time become accustomed to it and expect more.
Charge her rent and also to upgrade the WiFi. Or tell her to rent somewhere with better WiFi. As you indicated already, you are perfectly comfortable with the way things are, if they don’t suit her then she should fork out for the change, simple. Frankly, she moved out to be independent, she’s now taking a step ‘backwards’, being rewarded for it and now she’s expecting more.
Nta. She’s lucky you’re so hospitable and should be grateful. She’s coming off as a freeloader right now.
NTA- My neighbors gave me free internet for 6 years. Three of those years, we used a $20 extender from Amazon. They hard wired us in the last three years
NTA, there’s no reason you should pay for something you don’t need in your own home. As you said, she has other options. I’ve worked in office buildings where I didn’t have windows and I still functioned so the basement could work for her if it’s that vital. I can understand her appreciating being home and having a place to regroup and get back on her feet. But if she has the financial capability to find her own place and have it just as she wants then she needs to start looking and making those decisions herself not putting all the responsibility and financial cost onto you.
NTA
I bought a Wi-Fi extender recently. It was a whopping $60. It works very well.
If it’s really an extender that she needs and not higher speed Wi-Fi to the house, she’s being completely ridiculous.
If she actually needs higher speed Wi-Fi coming into the house, she’s being mostly ridiculous.
NTA, if she wants better wifi she can use a different room (since you have a few available) or pay for the extender herself. Also, she’s your daughter but she’s also a fully functional adult with a job, not a child, she really should be paying rent to help with the bills.
My son lives with us and got his own because the extender wasn’t doing the trick.
And…now you have some insight on why her relationship cracked.
You may as well stop enabling her attitude now as you aren’t doing her any favors in the long term. She can pay for her own extender.
I hope she at least does her own laundry, keeps her bathroom and bedroom clean and vacuumed, and washes the supper dishes on days she doesn’t cook. At least. Because she IS an adult, not a teenager.
NTA
If she works remotely she is likely getting an internet stipend. NTA.
NTA
She’s more than capable of supporting herself, and she has options which don’t require additional money.
She can pay for the upgrade herself, or find a place to live that is more to her liking.
My adult son lives with us out of convenience only . Decent income , nice savings ( age 29) and when he said that our WiFi wasn’t working well enough for him and in his case video gaming , yep we upgraded and make him pay for the upgrade . If it’s extras out of our pocket for him , he pays not us .
just make the change.. this isnt worth the fight
You already know the answer to this.
If she’s got a good income she should indeed have just bought the extender and been done with it. Strange attitude. NTA. She’s lucky she had somewhere to go when she needed it.
I can’t figure out what “principle” she’s citing here either. This is firmly in “give me a break” territory.
NTA. She wants something that will benefit her specifically, she pays for it. She can take it with her when she leaves. It’s hers. But it’s also her problem.
Her principles are messed up if she thinks her wanting something that you don’t need and expecting you to pay for it is reasonable.
NTA: My daughter works from home. Her employer paid for her wifi upgrade. Tell your daughter to stop pouting. She can always move to her own place. Sounds like she can afford it.
Btw: You’re not doing her a favor by not charging her rent. She’s a grown up. Nobody lives for free.
Totally NTA. The IT person in me would like to add that an extender may actually cause more problems so it may be a little more complicated. Regardless, it’s her problem and should be dealt with by her.
I’m going NTA. I can understand why that might feel off-putting for her to ask. But extenders are cheap, and ultimately from her perspective, it’s an upgrade to your home that she would have no need for once she moved out. (I assume.)
If I were you, I’d probably just pay it. It’s not worth fighting over. But if I said “no” then again, it’s not worth fighting over — I wouldn’t expect her to put up a fuss. This is why I went from NAH to NTA — she is being entitled over something trivial.