AITA, I had my hair buzzed short for 7 years and started growing it out 2 years ago. I’ve mentioned cutting it again and my bf says no, you look too masculine, It doesn’t do anything for me.
I would get tons of compliments (male, female, young, old) and I feel really triggered that he would actually be that narrow minded about MY hair.
I need thoughts please 🙏
Convo this evening:
Me: It’s so hot I want to chop my hair off
BF mom: you should! You look great
BF: 😒
BF mom: Why???
BF: because I don’t want to feel like I’m kissing a dude
Me: so had I not been growing out my hair you wouldn’t have wanted to be in a relationship with me
BF: IDK….
Me: So I cut my hair and you’d be like “I can’t do this”
BF: IDK, it’s a hypothetical…I won’t know until it happens
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AITA, I had my hair buzzed short for 7 years and started growing it out 2 years ago. I’ve mentioned cutting it again and my bf says no, you look too masculine, It doesn’t do anything for me.
I would get tons of compliments (male, female, young, old) and I feel really triggered that he would actually be that narrow minded about MY hair.
I need thoughts please 🙏
Convo this evening:
Me: It’s so hot I want to chop my hair off
BF mom: you should! You look great
BF: 😒
BF mom: Why???
BF: because I don’t want to feel like I’m kissing a dude
Me: so had I not been growing out my hair you wouldn’t have wanted to be in a relationship with me
BF: IDK….
Me: So I cut my hair and you’d be like “I can’t do this”
BF: IDK, it’s a hypothetical…I won’t know until it happens
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My hair was short when I started dating my bf, want to cut again and he essentially said he wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, if you feel prettier, more comfortable, or happier with your hair short and it won’t affect your professional life then who cares. If anything this is a major red flag in my opinion because does that mean that in the absolute worst case scenario he wouldn’t support you if you had to shave your head for a medical procedure?
Only one way to find out, right? NTA, go ahead and cut it, see how it goes :^)
As a general rule, boyfriends who try to dictate ANYTHING about your looks are AHs.
NTA
Thanks everyone. I’m just at a point where idk what to do anymore. Little things building overtime and I’m about done.
NAH, some guys are not attracted to woman with buzz cuts, as many people of both genders associate buzz cuts with masculinity. You want a buzz cut and it’s your right to have one. If your relationship is important to you, it might be worth compromising and trying a pixie cut instead, but that is only if you felt like compromisin.
NTA
Run.
Seriously. If he’s this controlling and insecure already about something as frivolous as hair length, get out now.
NTA. I have no issue with ppl having preferences and expressing those. It’s when it turns over into either controlling or insulting behavior that it crosses a line for me. Saying kissing you would feel like kissing a dude just bc you’d have short hair is gross, and I’d be real concerned about how he views you and women in general (assuming that’s how you identify) if he thinks short hair makes you more masculine to the point he’d feel like you were a guy.
Hypothetical/not hypothetical question. What if you lost your hair to Alopecia or worse Chemo? Is this the type of person you really want to be tired to? His mom sounds great. Keep her.
I think it’s fair, him telling you how you should have your hair – provided you are allowed to tell him how he should have his hair.
You are both allowed your opinions – as long as either of you isn’t bullying the other to follow their fancies.
BF: “IDK, it’s a hypothetical… I won’t know until it happens.”
NTA, first of all. Second of all, this isn’t a hypothetical like “if you had to save our first child or our second child, which would you save?” He has no STAKE in this; if he loves you, your happiness should matter most. And that’s the last point: if he’s putting his “hypothetical” happiness and notion you’d look “too masculine” (or like he’s “kissing a dude,” which is just an odd statement because he should KNOW YOU) for him above any legitimate feelings he may have for you? Man’s not feeling much. You have 100% autonomy; this isn’t a choice that involves him. Do what works for you. Everyone else supports you – curious how his mother even does, but not him.
So, if you want, cut off your hair, and while at it, cut off the man!
NTA Ah, yes, another controlling partner who tries to bully their partner into looking how they want. Take the advice of the others I see here and leave.
NTA
He is entitled to his opinion though he’s not entitled to control your actions.
So now you know that you have a BF who would likely dump you if you ever have to have chemo. Good to know up front.
ETA NTA of course
You be you.
As a man, I wouldn’t want any woman who supposedly loves me trying to control my appearance either.
Ewwww, he’s a loser. Short hair is hot and if he seriously doesn’t know if he’d be attracted to you without hair, ditch him because next thing you know he can’t be attracted to you if you gain or lose weight, get old, need a mastectomy, have chemo, lose a limb…. You see where I am going here, right?
NTA
I tell my wife and daughter I like them with long hair. Know what I’d do if they cut it short, or buzzed it off, or did literally anything to it? Tell them I love it and it looks great. Your BF is a clown. Ditch the controlling fool and find someone who treats you with decent and respect.
NAH. If he doesn’t find it attractive then he doesn’t find it attractive. We have this same conversation every time someone asks about a tattoo. He can find it unattractive and you can decide you don’t care if he finds it attractive. He’s not telling you that you aren’t allowed to cut it, but he’s telling you it may change how he sees you.
And for everyone talking about “what if you get cancer”, choosing to cut your hair is very different from not having a choice. If you don’t care about your boyfriend finds attractive, then that’s fine. Cut your hair and see if he likes the look or not. Yes, if you’d met him with short hair he might not have found you attractive and not asked you out. If he’d weighed 100 lbs more, would you have found him attractive and still gone out with him?
NTA, obviously. Your hair is yours. Cut it if you want to.
I assume you do not, in fact, look like a dude even when your hair is short. 99% of women are unmistakably women regardless of the length of their hair.
There’s only one way to find out….
Does he love you or the idea of you?
NTA
nta it’s your hair
Your boyfriend doesn’t get to control your hair. Your hair, your choice. NTA
NTA. He can’t see past your haircut? Tell me he doesn’t love you without telling me he doesn’t love you.
NTA!
I (40F) normally wear my hair short as it’s easier to care for that way. The only time I’ve had long hair as an adult, was when I grew it out for my wedding. I hated having long hair for that long, so after the wedding, I asked my husband if he’d mind me cutting it short again.
He literally looked up from his book and said “It’s your hair, I think you look beautiful no matter what length your hair is” and went back to reading.
If your BF is insecure/controlling enough to demand you wear your hair a certain length then run and don’t look back. He’s an asshole and you deserve a far better man than him.
…I read this as “AITA Autopsy Question “. Was kind of confused for the first few sentences😆
But NTA. If he would dump you for cutting your hair, then I say cut your hair, and trim the fat. Him being the fat. Because if he would, then it’s good you find out now.