I (F/22y) recently went on a trip to California last month with my boyfriend (M/30y) to visit his family. We went to the beach, and I didn’t realize it’s illegal to drink alcohol there (I grew up in NYC and thought it varied beach to beach). My boyfriend and his family did know, but they didn’t tell me. Regardless, I wasn’t drinking anyways since I had a headache the night before and wasn’t feeling good that day.
My boyfriend and his family/friends were drinking on the beach when the cops pulled up and started questioning each of us one by one. I ended up getting cited a ticket because of a White Claw sitting next to me (which was actually my boyfriend’s), even though I told the officer it wasn’t mine. My boyfriend, on the other hand, got let off with just a warning since he didn’t have his ID and the cop who questioned him was nicer.
I wanted to contest the ticket, but it was sent to the wrong location, and by the time I got it, the deadline to contest had already passed. I asked my boyfriend if he would mind paying for the ticket since it was his drink and we were with his family and friends, knowing it was illegal to drink. I also pointed out that I took the fall for him because it was technically his fine to get.
He replied, “Why should I pay for it? You got unlucky, so you should pay it.”
Am I the asshole for asking my boyfriend to pay the fine?
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I (F/22y) recently went on a trip to California last month with my boyfriend (M/30y) to visit his family. We went to the beach, and I didn’t realize it’s illegal to drink alcohol there (I grew up in NYC and thought it varied beach to beach). My boyfriend and his family did know, but they didn’t tell me. Regardless, I wasn’t drinking anyways since I had a headache the night before and wasn’t feeling good that day.
My boyfriend and his family/friends were drinking on the beach when the cops pulled up and started questioning each of us one by one. I ended up getting cited a ticket because of a White Claw sitting next to me (which was actually my boyfriend’s), even though I told the officer it wasn’t mine. My boyfriend, on the other hand, got let off with just a warning since he didn’t have his ID and the cop who questioned him was nicer.
I wanted to contest the ticket, but it was sent to the wrong location, and by the time I got it, the deadline to contest had already passed. I asked my boyfriend if he would mind paying for the ticket since it was his drink and we were with his family and friends, knowing it was illegal to drink. I also pointed out that I took the fall for him because it was technically his fine to get.
He replied, “Why should I pay for it? You got unlucky, so you should pay it.”
Am I the asshole for asking my boyfriend to pay the fine?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I asked my boyfriend to pay for the fine even though the ticket was written under my name, and legally I’m responsible for it. By asking him to cover it, I could be seen as trying to shift the financial responsibility onto him when technically I’m the one cited.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Dump him if he’s willing to throw you under the bus like that.
NTA. Your boyfriend is the asshole a few times over. He let you get a ticket for something that HE did and he refused to pay the ticket. His attitude in how he replied to you also makes him an asshole. You should consider whether he acts as an asshole towards you in other ways. He sounds lacking in empathy and a moral compass.
pay the ticket, just to be done with it, but dump your boyfriend.
NTA – It’s his fine & his willingness to stick you with it is a good sign that the relationship isn’t good for you. If it’s in your name, you should contact the court and let them know it was sent to the wrong place, causing you not to receive it. You probably want to do this ASAP because those fines can lead to warrants for your arrest.
Think long and hard about whether this asshole is worth all the aita posts he’s going to cause. nta
NTA – for asking him to pay for the ticket.
But this:
> Why should I pay for it? You got unlucky, so you should pay for it.
You will be an arsehole to yourself if you do not run the bloody away from this mess.
This man is trying to make you pay for a penalty he committed.
Walk out of this situationship fast.
NTA. He just showed his true character, making you take the consequences of his behavior. It will only get worse. Pay the fine, dump him, and put both behind you.
In New York City it’s illegal to drink alcohol at ALL public beaches, private beaches depends on the owner
NTA though, he was the reason you got a ticket and he would be the AH for refusing to pay it for you
NTA but you’re dating someone 8 years older than you who acts 8 years younger than you. Are you sure that’s what you want to deal with long term?
NTA. You could have said it was his drink and didn’t. He should be grateful. Hey remember that line in that Olivia Rodrigo song where she says:
>”He went for me and not her
>because girls his age know better.”
Food for thought.
You’re NTA, but your bf is. A good bf would own up to his stuff and not make his girl pay for it. This is going to be something more you’ll be seeing in the future with him.
Bye boi bye
NTA but dump him but he is the AH. You deserve someone who should have communicated the proper information to you from the beginning & paid for this ticket once it arrived.
Your boyfriend’s behavior is outrageous. If you don’t dump this guy immediately, you are being an asshole to yourself. NTA.
He had the opportunity to do the right thing at the time, he didn’t.
He had the opportunity to go to court and do the right thing, he didn’t.
He had the opportunity to do the right thing and pay the fine, he didn’t.
He may be your boyfriend, but you are not his girlfriend.
Treat yourself better than he does and do the right thing for your future self
NTA. Dump the loser boyfriend who doesn’t give a crap about you and count yourself lucky to be rid of him. Imagine if there was a really big life event you needed him in your corner for, and he acted like this?
Nope. Get him into the “ex” corner quick.
Welp, I’d be done with this relationship if my SO refused to pay for a ticket they caused.
His actions are showing you he is selfish and unkind. He should have told the officer that it was his White Claw in the first place. It was unethical and cruel to allow the cop to give you the ticket that was obviously meant for him.
NTA
30 year old dating a 22 year old is a red flag. Not the biggest issue, but it’s a bad start. Letting you take the hit for his drink, bigger red flag, telling you he won’t pay the ticket, he caused you to get…. So OP are you single now?
Not only are you NTA, your dumb ass boyfriend should have stepped up and taken the ticket. He allowed you to get a ticket for his drink, knowing you weren’t even drinking. The last he could do is pay the ticket for you. So he failed twice.
Is this really a guy you want to be with?
NTA but you can do the funniest thing possible here and break up with him over it. He’ll think about that moment when he doesn’t want to for the rest of his life
Pay the ticket and consider it a small price to pay to find out that arseholes true colours.
When he was your age you were 14.
NTA he’s about to get “unlucky”
He should have stepped up on the beach when he realized you were going to get a ticket for his alcohol. He should definitely pay the fine and if he doesn’t you know what kind of person you are with. He’s not a decent guy when it counts. Integrity matters. NTA
You shouldn’t have had to ask him at all – he should have covered it. Why are you with a grown man who is such an *sshole?
OP, I STRONGLY urge you to take a harder look at this relationship. The red flags are… many.
NTA, but you should really lose the AH you’re dating. And fast.
Pay the fine. Dump the loser. Aka your bf
I have a feeling your next boyfriend will be a much better person. Consider this fine an investment in your future.