So we was in the car earlier, with him driving, and we see this girl and shes not smiling and looks quite sad and he shouted out the window for her to smile and started laughing, I then got angry at him and told him you shouldn’t shout at a woman to smile just because she doesn’t look happy and that it’s really weird especially because he doesn’t know her.
And he told me that it wasn’t that big of a deal and that she should just smile and stop looking so sad, and i got really annoyed at that because what if she was just having a bad day? it doesn’t matter regardless anyway.
what should i do?
EDIT: I forgot to add, my sister also stuck up for him and said she should smile
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So we was in the car earlier, with him driving, and we see this girl and shes not smiling and looks quite sad and he shouted out the window for her to smile and started laughing, I then got angry at him and told him you shouldn’t shout at a woman to smile just because she doesn’t look happy and that it’s really weird especially because he doesn’t know her.
And he told me that it wasn’t that big of a deal and that she should just smile and stop looking so sad, and i got really annoyed at that because what if she was just having a bad day? it doesn’t matter regardless anyway.
what should i do?
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> i feel like i might have made it into nothing but it made me feel weird towards him
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Men should never, ever tell woman to just “smile more”. It’s misogyny, straight up.
I’m a guy and I’d call out any guy who did this.
You were right to call it out. Telling someone to ‘smile’ like that is disrespectful and dismisses their feelings. It’s not ‘just a joke’ when it’s about someone’s emotions.. boundaries matter.
NTA. This is obnoxious and sexist behavior by your dad, and good for you for calling it out. If you want to be petty, take note whenever you pass a GUY that looks like he’s having a bad day and tell your dad to be sure to yell “smile!!” and laugh at him too.
For that matter, when he is grouchy or just immersed in thought, be as “helpful” as he is and shout “SMILE!!” at him too, and laugh, and tell him he needs to smile more.
When he gets pissed at this, act confused, after all people are supposed to smile, and if they aren’t, shouting “smile” and laughing surely helps?
Your dad is the AH and so is your sister. You should never TELL anyone to smile. You never know what is going on in that person’s life and frankly it’s none of anyone’s business. It’s insulting to the person and dismissive of their feelings. He could have just left her alone, but he affirmatively got involved – he doesn’t even know her.
You keep doing what you are doing – you’re in the right.
NTA — “smile more” seems like a very condescending statement and doesn’t actually offer any help. That is not the way to help a poor woman. If he really wants her to “smile more” as he says — he should actually help her. She’s essentially a stranger. As a narcissistic abuse expert, this is a very dismissive and insensitive statement. Your sister is also TA.
NTA
He has no idea why she looks sad and she is not a performing circus act for his entertainment.
The “you would look better if you smile” line is rude and deserves to be called out, especially if used on a complete stranger that you know nothing about.
NTA. That woman, a literal stranger, does not exist for men’s amusement.
Next time your dad was having a bad day, tell him to smile more. If he got angry, tell him to “stop being so emotional”.
NTA.
You’re not the asshole. What your dad did is basically catcalling, even if he thought it was harmless. Telling a random woman to “smile” is dismissive of her feelings and can come across as creepy or disrespectful, especially when she’s just minding her own business. You weren’t overreacting by calling him out, you were standing up for basic respect. It might not seem like a big deal to him (or your sister), but to the woman on the receiving end, it definitely could have been. You don’t need to argue endlessly with him, but you were right to make it clear that his behavior wasn’t okay.
NTA. If a man or anyone ever said that to me, I’d respond why don’t you mind your fucking business
NTA
A guy once said “smile love, it might never happen” to me in Tesco because he correctly judged I was looking a bit sad. I immediately burst into tears and then to his horror explained that my sister had just died.
Obviously that’s an extreme example, but people are allowed to have bad days for all sorts of reasons without being harassed by strangers.
You dad is thoughtless.
I usually say smile because you’re still here
NTA. Your dad knows it’s disgusting to yell at women, he simply doesn’t care. It’s fun for a certain type of man to remind women that we’re never really safe.
Go look up all the writings on sexism and how some of it is most obvious and passive aggressive comments that men say at women, like telling them to smile when they’re sad.
Maybe some of that you can use as ammo, otherwise, your dad just sounds like an a******, sorry about that.
Maybe getting a bunch of comments on here from everyone telling him he’s an a****** would do some good, so let him read them.
FROM ME: dude you’re f****** a******, no one’s ever told you to god damn smile in your life, so quit interrupting strange women to tell them to smile, you don’t have the right to do anything like that.
Also dude, you should know that the invariable response of every woman to your comment is GFY – better be more careful, this karma could stick.
Maybe her Dad just died. Your dad seems like a role model…for something not to do when you become a dad yourself. Always respect others, because you never know what is going on in their lives.