My dad started having an affair with the woman he’s currently married to “Jane” when my mom was dying from cancer. I (17m) found out about it a few months before mom died and it made me lose my shit on him. He didn’t care very much. I had no idea what to do for the best but I told mom in the end so she wouldn’t die with him next to her if he wasn’t off fucking Jane. Mom kicked him out and dad lost some of his friends and family when they discovered what happened. I didn’t talk to him at all after losing my shit on him and he didn’t try to be there for me.
When mom died my dad’s parents took me in for a few weeks and then I moved in with my mom’s brother and his wife. I had a really close relationship with my uncle and aunt so it worked out for the best. I was 14 and I did not want to live with my dad and Jane.
Jane reached out to a few times and wanted to get to know me and for us to try and work it all out but I called her all the names I could think of and told her to stop trying to make me like her. When she didn’t give up after a few months my uncle got me a number cell number so even my dad didn’t have it.
There was some paternity issue because Jane was with some guy or married when she was hooking up with dad and her youngest kid was DNA tested to see if dad or her ex was the father but her ex was the father like her other kids. I was told about it because some of dad’s family members thought I’d care about meeting the kid if dad was the father. But it made no difference to me and I told them as much when they were filling me in.
Now some of dad’s family members are being weird about it and they keep passing on messages from Jane about her kids wanting to know me and other crap like that. It pisses me off because they know where I stand with this and they ignore it. I told them I didn’t want anything to do with dad, Jane or any kids they have and nothing would change that not even a half sibling. I got asked what I’d do in a real life emergency if they needed someone to babysit the kids and I said it would be too bad so sad for them but I wouldn’t do it. They asked me to consider a relationship with the kids because my dad and Jane aren’t giving them a stable home life and there’s all this fighting and stuff going on. I said they can wait til my dad or Jane finds someone else to cheat with and all will be normal again at that point and any step connection will be broken.
The best part of all of this is dad doesn’t care. He’s not reaching out and trying to make amends. And Jane isn’t doing it on his behalf because I saw them when I was out with friends over the summer and she tried to talk to me (her kids were there too) but dad pulled her back and they argued.
AITA?
Comments
NTA
I’m so sorry you have had to go through this. Ask your uncle to talk to the family members about leaving you alone. You shouldn’t have to deal with Jane on your own.
No. I understand you don’t want anything to do with her kids but it isn’t their fault. I would probably feel the same way if it was me
NTA. I think it’s enough that Jane and your father’s family keep asking. It probably is in part out of genuine concern about you. There’s also probably a bit of envy that you have a stable (or at least not scandalous) family situation.
You don’t have to let yourself get dragged into these discussions if you don’t want to. At a time of your choosing, you can end any conversation.
Old redone many times rehashed story from a brand new account.
If you POS dad isn’t interested then why should you. Jane doesn’t sound very smart. Cheating on her ex husband and father of her kids for your POS dad. 👏👏👏
>Now some of dad’s family members are being weird about it and they keep passing on messages from Jane about her kids wanting to know me and other crap like that.
If your father’s family members need an emergency babysitter for the kids, then THEY can do it. If they are concerned about the kids not having a stable family life, then THEY can do something about it. Why put the load on a 17yo who has effectively lost both parents?
They realize that you are a child too, right? They really suggested that you should go to a highly unstable household for the benefit of other children? WTF?
NTA. Can your uncle or your paternal grand parents talk to your relatives and tell them to shut up? They can try to create a more stable environment for the step kids without involving you in any way.
I’m sorry for the loss of your mom.
Why are your family intent on trying to bully you into doing what your own father, their direct blood relative/son, isn’t even doing? Tell them to put all their time and effort into trying to make sperm donor a decent human being like they were supposed to before the asshole became a legal adult.
NTA
NTA
If “family” keeps pestering you, this is how you handle it.
Them: “What will you do in a real life emergency if they needed someone to babysit the kids?”
You: “I’ll give them YOUR number, since you’re so concerned.”