My bestie has been planning on being a bridesmaid in my wedding for over a year. A month before the wedding she took a job that wouldn’t let her have the wedding off. She said she would try to get off early to make the reception. We spent a weekend in a hotel to celebrate my bachelorette and I told her it was okay she wasn’t in the wedding and I am thankful she was celebrating with me that weekend.
A couple weeks before the wedding one of my husbands groomsmen dropped out. I texted my friend and said I know she is stressed about trying to get the wedding off and I didn’t want her to look bad to her new employer and to not worry about it cuz we will have even people now. She responded with thank you.
She knows I am not good at responding. I can take a couple days to text people back.
I also told her that the bachelorette was gonna be done at 3pm and she said she wouldn’t get off til 4.
She texted me 2x the day before the bachelorette and the day of that I did not respond to. She said she would come to the wedding after 4 and asked about the bachelorette. I did not respond but I posted photos on social media.
I texted her back while getting my makeup done saying I have been so busy but I’d love if she came after work. She texted me an hour before walking down the aisle saying it’s disheartening to see me posting on social media with my bridesmaids and not responding to her. She said she would still come but wanted to talk about how I treated her and how selfish I have been.
She came and at the wedding said felt like a friend filler and now that my other friends are in town I didn’t need her. I told her I can see why she felt that way and said I was sorry but let her know it wasn’t like that at all. She felt I didn’t support her job when I told her I’m happy for her. She pulled me aside at my wedding and stared crying. We talked and I thought we were fine.
The next day she accidentally sent a screenshot of my Facebook post of me and my friends that was supposed to be to her friend. I let her know it’s concerning she’s screenshotting my stuff and sending it to people. I explained over and over how I’ve been supportive and that calling me selfish the day of my wedding was in appropriate. She said I have been selfish for months but we’ve been talking and hanging out like normal. She continued to call me selfish and I said she was also selfish taking a job that will make her miss my wedding and I said it was okay to be selfish about the things we care about. She then said she wanted to end our friendship.
I have cleaned this girls puke from my car, always DD, let her and her son come over, showed up on birthdays and always told her how much I love her.
I validated her so much and was acting normal. Idk if she was just jealous of me being with my other friends but she chose not to be there. Again I kept telling her I wasn’t mad and it was okay she took the job just like it’s okay for me to focus on my wedding and not respond.
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My bestie has been planning on being a bridesmaid in my wedding for over a year. A month before the wedding she took a job that wouldn’t let her have the wedding off. She said she would try to get off early to make the reception. We spent a weekend in a hotel to celebrate my bachelorette and I told her it was okay she wasn’t in the wedding and I am thankful she was celebrating with me that weekend.
A couple weeks before the wedding one of my husbands groomsmen dropped out. I texted my friend and said I know she is stressed about trying to get the wedding off and I didn’t want her to look bad to her new employer and to not worry about it cuz we will have even people now. She responded with thank you.
She knows I am not good at responding. I can take a couple days to text people back.
I also told her that the bachelorette was gonna be done at 3pm and she said she wouldn’t get off til 4.
She texted me 2x the day before the bachelorette and the day of that I did not respond to. She said she would come to the wedding after 4 and asked about the bachelorette. I did not respond but I posted photos on social media.
I texted her back while getting my makeup done saying I have been so busy but I’d love if she came after work. She texted me an hour before walking down the aisle saying it’s disheartening to see me posting on social media with my bridesmaids and not responding to her. She said she would still come but wanted to talk about how I treated her and how selfish I have been.
She came and at the wedding said felt like a friend filler and now that my other friends are in town I didn’t need her. I told her I can see why she felt that way and said I was sorry but let her know it wasn’t like that at all. She felt I didn’t support her job when I told her I’m happy for her. She pulled me aside at my wedding and stared crying. We talked and I thought we were fine.
The next day she accidentally sent a screenshot of my Facebook post of me and my friends that was supposed to be to her friend. I let her know it’s concerning she’s screenshotting my stuff and sending it to people. I explained over and over how I’ve been supportive and that calling me selfish the day of my wedding was in appropriate. She said I have been selfish for months but we’ve been talking and hanging out like normal. She continued to call me selfish and I said she was also selfish taking a job that will make her miss my wedding and I said it was okay to be selfish about the things we care about. She then said she wanted to end our friendship.
I have cleaned this girls puke from my car, always DD, let her and her son come over, showed up on birthdays and always told her how much I love her.
I validated her so much and was acting normal. Idk if she was just jealous of me being with my other friends but she chose not to be there. Again I kept telling her I wasn’t mad and it was okay she took the job just like it’s okay for me to focus on my wedding and not respond.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I didn’t respond to my best friend for 2 days the week of my wedding and she felt I was treating her like a friend filler and now that my friends were here I didn’t need her. I was selfish by not responding to her but posting on social media.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Good riddance. Not only did she try to make your wedding about her and the fact that she couldn’t be there because she chose a job that she couldn’t miss, she also talks about you behind your back.
Paragraphs exist for a reason 😭. It’s also confusing because you said you spent a weekend in a hotel to celebrate your bachelorette, but then later say she missed your bachelorette?
Either way, ESH. Not for the situation itself, but for how you both handled it. It’s unreasonable for her to turn down a job opportunity for your wedding, and it sounds like you were pretty gracious about that. It’s also unreasonable for her to expect you to bend over backwards to make your wedding plans work for her.
But with that said, being a bad texter is not an excuse for failing to respond to someone who is actively trying to figure out plans with you. Ignoring her for days leading up to the bachelorette was honestly mean. Didn’t you want her there? Because it sounds like as soon as you found out you’d have even numbers, you stopped caring about whether she’s be there. She shouldn’t have confronted you about it at your wedding, but if my best friend treated me the way you treated her, I would also be re-evaluating the friendship.
NTA its literally your wedding? Its your big day and she starts crying there that youre selfish. I understand her perspective of feeling left out but still. I feel like thats your special day and she made it about herself and i dont understand thats shes cutting you off cause you didnt’ answer the phone. I understand her but she could have talked to you abt it after the wedding.
NTA. Cut contact and block. The behavior is past concerning.