For me family is really important, and until recently I had a recently I had a good relationship with all my extended family. My cousins were more like siblings, or so I thought. So, this is what happened . I have been a Registered Nurse for the past 20 years, but before that I was chef and still enjoy cooking. When we have family gatherings it is usually me who provides the food. When my cousin got engaged I was over the moon for her. She decided that that she wanted a party and she booked a hall. She asked me if I wouldn’t mind providing a buffet for the 50 or so guests that would be coming. I of course said yes and she let me know what sort of things she wanted. As she didn’t have a lot of money I agreed to cover the cost of the buffet. As perpetrations were in full swing she showed me the invitations she had made. As the day of the party neared I had not received my invitation. I was not concerned as the post can be a bit hit and miss. A few days before the party I messaged my cousin to ask what time the party started and finished as my invite hadn’t arrived. She messaged back to say that she wanted the food set up for 19:30 but she hadn’t sent me an invite as she had so many friends and close family who wanted to come that there wasn’t enough room in the hall. Upset by this, I at first did not respond, but as I annoyance turned to anger I messaged her to say that I was unwell and would not be doing the food. She sent me several messages saying how I had ruined her party and that she couldn’t believe I would let her down like this. She even message asking to collect the food herself. I did not reply. I haven’t spoken to her since, but several family members said I was wrong to let down. Was I wrong?
You might have wondered what I did with food I had already purchased for the party. The neighbours were very grateful for the invite my impromptu party that weekend
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For me family is really important, and until recently I had a recently I had a good relationship with all my extended family. My cousins were more like siblings, or so I thought. So, this is what happened . I have been a Registered Nurse for the past 20 years, but before that I was chef and still enjoy cooking. When we have family gatherings it is usually me who provides the food. When my cousin got engaged I was over the moon for her. She decided that that she wanted a party and she booked a hall. She asked me if I wouldn’t mind providing a buffet for the 50 or so guests that would be coming. I of course said yes and she let me know what sort of things she wanted. As she didn’t have a lot of money I agreed to cover the cost of the buffet. As perpetrations were in full swing she showed me the invitations she had made. As the day of the party neared I had not received my invitation. I was not concerned as the post can be a bit hit and miss. A few days before the party I messaged my cousin to ask what time the party started and finished as my invite hadn’t arrived. She messaged back to say that she wanted the food set up for 19:30 but she hadn’t sent me an invite as she had so many friends and close family who wanted to come that there wasn’t enough room in the hall. Upset by this, I at first did not respond, but as I annoyance turned to anger I messaged her to say that I was unwell and would not be doing the food. She sent me several messages saying how I had ruined her party and that she couldn’t believe I would let her down like this. She even message asking to collect the food herself. I did not reply. I haven’t spoken to her since, but several family members said I was wrong to let down. Was I wrong?
You might have wondered what I did with food I had already purchased for the party. The neighbours were very grateful for the invite my impromptu party that weekend
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I did not supply food for a party that I had agreed to do
2 . I use the food for another party with neighbours
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. What the fuck??? She wants you to provide the food for a party you won’t be invited to??? One extra person would ruin the entire arrangement? The level of entitlement is ridiculous. She’s the one who owes you an apology for the presumption in the first place.
WOW!! Your cousin has brass balls and no class or common sense whatsoever!! What an AH.
Expecting you to cook for free and accepting your offer to do it as a gift would necessitate showing you enough respect to invite you to the event as a guest. She’s an entitled AH.
You owed her nothing. Not even an apology for canceling!! You can tell those who think otherwise to go pound sand.
NTA. Never again.
NTA. So you’re good enough to be her unpaid chef, but not goo enough to attend her party? Screw her and any other family members that take her side. Hope you enjoyed your party.
NTA OMFG what a selfish person she was. I applaud your decision. Really, there is always space for one more person, especially when they’re extending such generosity of time and money. Food is not cheap. Don’t let anyone in your family bully about your actions, she fucked around and found out.
Do not let her guilt you. Do not do shit for her because in the end she didn’t respect you. Nta.
NTA – you provided a buffet for free and she didn’t invite you? As if.
NTA, your cousin treated you like hired help instead of family, I’d start treating her the same. Also, maybe time to not pour your heart out into making food/meals for anyone who says you should have sucked it up and been a doormat. Clearly, your cousin doesn’t see you as “close” family like you do, and maybe there are a few others who think this too. Sorry.
I hate that saying, considering that the original one was “blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”, meaning that the links we form during shared experiences may prevail against family. For me, behaviour prevails against mere genetic links.
NTA.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. That is the full saying.
It means you make your family.
But you want me to cater to my family members wedding and not be there to enjoy it with you? Get wrecked. NTA.
Your cousin was disrespectful. You deserve recognition for your contribution to the family.
So you are good enough to cook for the party but not go to the wedding? Nah. NTA
NTA she made clear that you came somewhere below family and friends for the party. But she had the cheek to expect free catering because “family.” The irony.