So here’s the situation.
My ex was cheating on me while we were together she was on dating apps talking to (and probably meeting up with) numerous guys. At the time I had suspicions, but I was never 100% sure. Eventually I broke up with her because I wanted to be free of her, not because I had proof of cheating.
Fast forward: about 6 months after the breakup, one of my closest friends finally tells me, out of nowhere, that he knew she was cheating the whole time. He’d found out a week or two before we broke up and just never told me. The way he dropped it on me was weird too he said something like “oh maybe I wasn’t supposed to say that!” which immediately made me uncomfortable, like he wasn’t being serious about it.
He later showed me screenshots of the girl who told him about the cheating, but he had cropped out all of his own messages, what he was saying about me, and all the timestamps. That made me feel uneasy, like he was hiding how he reacted at the time.
I called him later to tell him I was upset he withheld that from me. He just kind of shrugged it off, went silent, and we said our goodbyes. No real apology, no explanation, just… nothing. He had originally claimed he didn’t tell me back then because I was upset, but that makes no sense to me if anything, telling me would have been the right thing to do.
Since then (it’s been over a month), he’s tried to get our mutual friends to invite me into games and voice calls, but I also heard from another friend that he was just doing it to try and “start beef because he was bored.” Which again, made me not want to engage.
Now I’ve started noticing I’m being excluded from friend hangouts. When I asked, I was basically told that I “need to make up with him” or I’m not going to be included(because apparently he is SOOO autistic he can’t do apologies ( He is not )). He’s kind of a group favourite, so it feels like I’m the odd one out unless I swallow this and just act like it’s fine.
Here’s where I’m stuck I don’t want to sacrifice my morals and act like this doesn’t matter. But I also don’t want to cut off my whole friend group if I don’t have to. At the same time, I feel like I can’t fully trust this guy anymore and I don’t want to be fake and beg for an apology that he clearly doesn’t care to give.
Am I in the wrong here? Should I just cut my losses with the whole group, or try to swallow my pride and “make up” with him even though I don’t feel like he respects me?
Also I did use ai to help me write this I did fail get a C in my English final SOS, but everything is really what happened and I am happy to do as many edits as needed to explain questions, thanks so AITA
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So here’s the situation.
My ex was cheating on me while we were together she was on dating apps talking to (and probably meeting up with) numerous guys. At the time I had suspicions, but I was never 100% sure. Eventually I broke up with her because I wanted to be free of her, not because I had proof of cheating.
Fast forward: about 6 months after the breakup, one of my closest friends finally tells me, out of nowhere, that he knew she was cheating the whole time. He’d found out a week or two before we broke up and just never told me. The way he dropped it on me was weird too he said something like “oh maybe I wasn’t supposed to say that!” which immediately made me uncomfortable, like he wasn’t being serious about it.
He later showed me screenshots of the girl who told him about the cheating, but he had cropped out all of his own messages, what he was saying about me, and all the timestamps. That made me feel uneasy, like he was hiding how he reacted at the time.
I called him later to tell him I was upset he withheld that from me. He just kind of shrugged it off, went silent, and we said our goodbyes. No real apology, no explanation, just… nothing. He had originally claimed he didn’t tell me back then because I was upset, but that makes no sense to me if anything, telling me would have been the right thing to do.
Since then (it’s been over a month), he’s tried to get our mutual friends to invite me into games and voice calls, but I also heard from another friend that he was just doing it to try and “start beef because he was bored.” Which again, made me not want to engage.
Now I’ve started noticing I’m being excluded from friend hangouts. When I asked, I was basically told that I “need to make up with him” or I’m not going to be included(because apparently he is SOOO autistic he can’t do apologies ( He is not )). He’s kind of a group favourite, so it feels like I’m the odd one out unless I swallow this and just act like it’s fine.
Here’s where I’m stuck I don’t want to sacrifice my morals and act like this doesn’t matter. But I also don’t want to cut off my whole friend group if I don’t have to. At the same time, I feel like I can’t fully trust this guy anymore and I don’t want to be fake and beg for an apology that he clearly doesn’t care to give.
Am I in the wrong here? Should I just cut my losses with the whole group, or try to swallow my pride and “make up” with him even though I don’t feel like he respects me?
Also I did use ai to help me write this I did fail get a C in my English final SOS, but everything is really what happened and I am happy to do as many edits as needed to explain questions, thanks so AITA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My friends are telling me to apologies for not talking to my friend who knew my girlfriend was cheating on me, I have not talked to him and have given him the silent treatment, they have cut me off. so therefore AITA
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
These people are not your friends. NTA.
NTA. Dude cut the friend group. They’re all varying degrees of suck and you’re better off without the lot of them.
Nta
NTA. Get a new friend group or better yet let your friend group know that he tried to sleep with your ex while you were together, why else would he crop out his side of the conversation. Also call them out on claiming he has autism, I have it and I know how to apologise when I offend people.
NTA – this guy is not a friend, nor is anyone else in this group wanting YOU to apologize to HIM or some bullshit. He’s the AH and so is anyone else sides with him.
NTAH, if they knew about it they should have told you sooner, even if you did leave her a week after or even after that they should’ve been the one to apologize whether they are bad at it or not. It doesn’t hurt to apologize. I think your friend is in the wrong here. You can slowly start to do your own thing and drift away from that but it’s completely up to the way you feel about it.
NTA. That’s not a close friend. If you want to maintain friends with anyone else in the group, I think you should be clear with your friend group of why you have no desire to make up with him. I’m sure they’re hearing an edited version of what he did, as well as your response.
NTA, and honestly, just cut the whole group. They’re all trash. Can’t trust any of them.
NTA – I’d be done with anyone who knew or was a part of it. I don’t need that type of “friend”
Your friend should have told you what he knew when he knew it. And now he’s not even apologizing. I can see that it would be hard to keep up the friendship. NTA. As for your friend group, if they’re excluding you now, I don’t know, maybe time to find a new friend group?
If your friend group is condoning his behavior, do you really want to be friends with them? Cut the whole group off and start off fresh
i think ur “friend” was someone who your ex cheated on u with.
Talk individually with people to see if any of these friendships are worth salvaging. But most of these people will need to be dropped.
Telling someone is a lot of responsibility even if it is not their fault if you were you to flew into a rage versus to wait it until you are almost over.
Now, if you were getting married instead of leaving, that would even be more stressful with the knowledge he has.
He is the AH for a lot of reasons, but your friends are all AH too for excluding you for this when you did no wrong. Time for new friends or new city?
Dump the “friends” too. NTA.
NTA friends sound like they suck in general. The gist I got was it’s easier to placate him than to do the right thing
They’re not your friends. You’ll find people one day that actually give a shit about you and not pander to keep group cohesion.
Fuck em I’d say.
NTA
NTA – these ppl are not your friends.
NTA
If I found that out I’d tell the guy he was a complete ahole and never talk to him again.
If even one other friend had a thing to say about it I would tell them to mind their own business. If they persisted they can f off as well.
Do NOT’ swallow your pride. You did nothing wrong, you do not need those people in your life.
NTA!
NTA. Cut them all out. These people are not your friends.
They are not your friends.
NTA.
NTA.
Fuck that. Find new friends.
UpdateMe
Ask yourself, are any of these people actually your friend? Or are they people with similar interests you’re used to hanging out with? Real friends usually have each others backs and support one another.
NTA Your friends suck.
NTA. You should cut your losses with the whole friend group. Birds of a feather flock together.
You were already a week or two from breaking up with her because you were over her. What would have been different if you’d also found out she was cheating on you?
NTA. They’re not your friends, they’re his friends. Your morals have much more value than a group of people who are talking to you because you’re the friend of a friend. They’re acquaintances with whom you had shared interests.
NTA – why do you have to apologize for feeling hurt? You talk your friends individually coz chances are, the story they know is not what actually happened and if they truly sided with him on not telling you the cheating that happened, then none of them are your true friends. Better start anew.
NTA. Drop ‘em all like they’re hot. Time for new friends.
NTA and if those people aren’t backing you up or at least remaining truly neutral, they aren’t your friends. And unless he is non verbal (clearly not) there is no way he is “sooo aus” to apologize. That’s some wild lore they are making up.
These people are not friends.
NTA
He isn’t a friend. He’s intentionally broken trust by withholding information. Now he’s trying to start beef… for fun… and the “friends” are siding with him bc “autism.”
Why do you want these losers in your life? It’s time to learn that sometimes we have to grow up and leave “friends” in the past where they belong. Congrats! You’ve outgrown them.
Starting from scratch feels intimidating… but it’s honestly refreshing to choose who you allow in your life! I enjoyed it thw results myself!
NTA. A new friend group is in your future though. These people sound tiring.
There are billions of people in the world, you aren’t stuck with these ones.
It’s hard to let go of friendships but sometimes it’s for the best. From my own experience, there’s a lot of peace that comes with accepting the end of relationships with people that don’t respect you or your boundaries.
NTA and seems scary but you need to cut ties and make new friends
NTA. Let them go. Soon he will do the same with the others. Don’t engage. Dude wants drama, don’t play the game.
Sends group text saying how you feel. Leaves no one out and everyone can understand you said your side whether they agree or not.
You need more friends NTA
NTA