I (f25) have a best friend who I met in college about 4/5 yrs ago, she stopped going to this particular school but I continued my studies here & we’ll call her Steph (f25). And as with all friendships, we have had our ups and downs. But she’s my bestie.
For context: her dad passed away earlier this year but fairly recently from the time im posting this (don’t want to give away too many details). Not like the time matters much anyway as grief can strike whenever.
Anyway I haven’t seen my friend since around the end of 2024, I’ve been living in a different state completing my degree. We would talk regularly every now and then (i.e. texting, ft, insta reels). I am in fact a low maintenance friend and do not require constant communication to love my friends, im in my own little bubble often. So when her dad passed, she didn’t immediately tell me. When she did finally talk to me about it, i offered my condolences and tried to be as encouraging as possible. She asked to let her know whenever I was in town so we could talk and hang out like old times. I was perfectly fine the request and was sure to keep it in mind whenever I knew I was coming back to my home state.
Fast forward to about a month ago now, I came to town the first weekend of the month for a family occasion. This trip was definitely unplanned, uncoordinated, impromptu trip that my mother threw together in about two hours. I got a phone call from my mom and aunt, then two hours later my aunt and I along with her kids were on a road trip to my home. But even with this all being last minute, I called my friend as I packed my bags to let her know I was coming. We got there Friday afternoon and stayed until Sunday…I called her maybe altogether about 9 times that weekend and she only answered twice.
Even further context: my friend works two jobs and I honestly don’t know what her schedule is unless she’s actively communicating it to me, with that being said as much as I love my friend…she simply isn’t the person to call when things are last minute. Over the course of our friendship, I have made this trip multiple times when I didn’t have anything to do for a few days or had an appointment coming up etc, it’s only a 2.5 hr drive from where im studying. But whenever I’ve called her to meet up with her during one of these last minute trips…she answers the phone once to say she’s coming but I won’t hear from her the rest of the night. Mind you it isn’t always just me on these trips, so I’ve made plans with other friends who were with me to arrange picking her up and dropping her off with the assumption that she’s going out with us and she just don’t respond after. As you can imagine after awhile, it gets annoying but I don’t hold it against her at all bc life is life.
Now please im begging you all to let me know if I am the asshole here….
Steph and I have a mutual friend (Nate) whose birthday recently passed but he wanted to celebrate early so that next Thursday after I left from visiting with my family, I took another trip back to my hometown with Nate & three other mutuals (who I will call Seth, Macy and Macy’s bf Eddy) Again all last minute and unplanned, however this time we only planned to be in town for a day. Came Thursday and left Friday around noon. Seth rode with Nate and I while Macy & Eddy met us in town. Now being that I had the previous experiences I’ve had with Steph and calling to make plans last minute, I simply did not notify her of this trip. At one point in the night, someone did ask me why Steph wasn’t there and I told them I didn’t call her bc she doesn’t do well with last minute stuff.
Skip to the next day as we’re all planning to get back on the road, Steph texts me to say I was being weird for not inviting her out with us that night. Apparently before getting on the road, Macy and Eddy stopped to get some…”party favors” 🍃 from Steph. She expressed that it was weird that they called her on the way out and felt that I was gossiping about her when she told me to let her know if I was in town bc she wanted to link and that she was mourning her dad. We haven’t really spoken since then except for some voice notes she sent me a few days later after i apologized for the miscommunication of “gossiping” (I literally only said she doesn’t do well with last minute stuff and called her multiple times the previous weekend and she wasn’t very responsive). In the notes she reiterated her frustrations with the whole situation, feeling like I should’ve called her etc but given my personal experience on past situations…I just don’t feel like im in the wrong.
So aitah ?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I (f25) have a best friend who I met in college about 4/5 yrs ago, she stopped going to this particular school but I continued my studies here & we’ll call her Steph (f25). And as with all friendships, we have had our ups and downs. But she’s my bestie.
For context: her dad passed away earlier this year but fairly recently from the time im posting this (don’t want to give away too many details). Not like the time matters much anyway as grief can strike whenever.
Anyway I haven’t seen my friend since around the end of 2024, I’ve been living in a different state completing my degree. We would talk regularly every now and then (i.e. texting, ft, insta reels). I am in fact a low maintenance friend and do not require constant communication to love my friends, im in my own little bubble often. So when her dad passed, she didn’t immediately tell me. When she did finally talk to me about it, i offered my condolences and tried to be as encouraging as possible. She asked to let her know whenever I was in town so we could talk and hang out like old times. I was perfectly fine the request and was sure to keep it in mind whenever I knew I was coming back to my home state.
Fast forward to about a month ago now, I came to town the first weekend of the month for a family occasion. This trip was definitely unplanned, uncoordinated, impromptu trip that my mother threw together in about two hours. I got a phone call from my mom and aunt, then two hours later my aunt and I along with her kids were on a road trip to my home. But even with this all being last minute, I called my friend as I packed my bags to let her know I was coming. We got there Friday afternoon and stayed until Sunday…I called her maybe altogether about 9 times that weekend and she only answered twice.
Even further context: my friend works two jobs and I honestly don’t know what her schedule is unless she’s actively communicating it to me, with that being said as much as I love my friend…she simply isn’t the person to call when things are last minute. Over the course of our friendship, I have made this trip multiple times when I didn’t have anything to do for a few days or had an appointment coming up etc, it’s only a 2.5 hr drive from where im studying. But whenever I’ve called her to meet up with her during one of these last minute trips…she answers the phone once to say she’s coming but I won’t hear from her the rest of the night. Mind you it isn’t always just me on these trips, so I’ve made plans with other friends who were with me to arrange picking her up and dropping her off with the assumption that she’s going out with us and she just don’t respond after. As you can imagine after awhile, it gets annoying but I don’t hold it against her at all bc life is life.
Now please im begging you all to let me know if I am the asshole here….
Steph and I have a mutual friend (Nate) whose birthday recently passed but he wanted to celebrate early so that next Thursday after I left from visiting with my family, I took another trip back to my hometown with Nate & three other mutuals (who I will call Seth, Macy and Macy’s bf Eddy) Again all last minute and unplanned, however this time we only planned to be in town for a day. Came Thursday and left Friday around noon. Seth rode with Nate and I while Macy & Eddy met us in town. Now being that I had the previous experiences I’ve had with Steph and calling to make plans last minute, I simply did not notify her of this trip. At one point in the night, someone did ask me why Steph wasn’t there and I told them I didn’t call her bc she doesn’t do well with last minute stuff.
Skip to the next day as we’re all planning to get back on the road, Steph texts me to say I was being weird for not inviting her out with us that night. Apparently before getting on the road, Macy and Eddy stopped to get some…”party favors” 🍃 from Steph. She expressed that it was weird that they called her on the way out and felt that I was gossiping about her when she told me to let her know if I was in town bc she wanted to link and that she was mourning her dad. We haven’t really spoken since then except for some voice notes she sent me a few days later after i apologized for the miscommunication of “gossiping” (I literally only said she doesn’t do well with last minute stuff and called her multiple times the previous weekend and she wasn’t very responsive). In the notes she reiterated her frustrations with the whole situation, feeling like I should’ve called her etc but given my personal experience on past situations…I just don’t feel like im in the wrong.
So aitah ?
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YTA, low key and not dramatic, but you you could have simply texted her. How hard is it to text….don’t know if your free or feeling spontaneous, but I’m in town this afternoon.
It’s not difficult to send a text before heading to your hometown saying you’ll be there for a day and ask if she’s interested in meeting up.
If she responds/shows, great. If not, there’s no harm either. If she’s your friend, let alone your best friend, you make an effort.
YTA.