So some background information, my son 14 has pretty hairy legs and arms which he is super self conscious of so when I was watching tv with my wife, he came to me and asked me if I could buy a razor for him, I’m normally a hairy dude but I saw no issue so I said I’d buy it for him the next day but my wife interjected and said I shouldn’t left him as only girls shave those parts and it’s not manly to have hair, I told her that your masculinity isn’t defined on what you shave but she said I was gonna raise a sissy.
He did end up shaving btw
Comments
His body. He decides.
NTA at all your wife is TA.
There are a lot of men that shave legs. Competitive male swimmers do so. But all that’s beside the point. If your son felt like this would make him feel more confident in his own body, there is nothing wrong and allowing him to do so.
NTA, that’s a really outdated way of thinking on your wife’s end
I really hope that’s not his mother that said that.
If not, why are you with a woman that treats your son like that?
Does your wife remember high school or middle school? Kids can be very cruel about anything perceived as not “normal” or natural. If he will feel better if he shaves parts of his body who cares? It’s tough being 14, she should cut him a break.
I’ve got hair removal cream for my son for his chest and back. Ok hes 20 but it’s still up to him I would have done the same if he asked me younger too
YWBTA – If you stop at shaving and don’t insist that he also practice what were once called “the feminine arts” of cooking and sewing.
NTA. Your son is self conscious, it’s his choice.
NTA. his body his choice. As long as he is happy then why does she care?
I thought parents would want their kids happy.
NTA. Ask your wife is Michael Phelps, Cristiano Ronaldo, and John Cena are sissies. They, and many other masculine men, shave their legs. She’s definitely TA. I just hope your son is prepared for the upkeep because that prickle when it starts to come back is hella annoying lmao.
Are you normally a hairy dude? Because this was you less than a year ago:
>I 35f have a husband 45m who has a son named Arthur 16m , Arthur constantly slacks off in school, and while I tried my part to help him My husband refuses to do anything, this led to Arthur failing his classes and getting held back, and my husband still refuses to care, Arthur was angry at me for not doing anything but I did more than his dad, I tutored him ( I’m a teacher myself) and signed him up for extra help but his dad just lets him skip when he wants, so I told him what was on my mind and said it’s his dads fault and now Arthur refuses to talk to my husband, my husband is mad saying it’s not my place to tell him that but I was telling the truth after Arthur was blaming me
NTA: Your wife actually used the phrase, you’ll raise a sissy? I wish I had been in the room. She would still be rubbing the pain on the back of her head.
Please stand with your son. Tell your wife that the 1800’s are long gone.
NTA, but make sure you’re doing it a way that doesn’t irritate the skin. Razor bumps and ingrown hairs are no joke.
My husband is very hair and athletic, he trims all his body hair with a beard trimmer thing. You can shorten the hair without removing it completely, if that is something HE wants. Good job papa!
Body builders and wrestlers shave or remove their hair
Toxic gender rules don’t belong in parenting.
Shaving doesn’t make anyone less masculine.
Letting your son feel comfortable in his own skin is good parenting.
The alternative would be letting him stay insecure for no reason.
It’s better he feels safe coming to you than sneaking behind your back.
It’s not a “girl thing,” it’s just personal preference.
Introduce him to waxing!
See, it isn’t always men upholding patriarchy. So many women do, and harm the men in their lives. Not cool on her part.
NTA, but your wife sounds like she may be
NTA, but your wife is and is promoting problematic views.
You have the right of it, masculinity isn’t defined by which body parts you shave or other such rules.
He’s old enough to decide about his own hair.
NTA. Loads of men, males, and masc people shave various parts of their bodies. His body, his choice.
NTA
Some people find a lot of body hair on guys unappealing tbh
I do wish your son wasn’t self conscious. Love the skin you’re in and all that, but saying he’ll grow up a sissy is the opposite of instilling confidence
Perfectly OK to shave
I was a girl for 20 years before realising I was a guy. Did all the girly things(shaving legs and all). What I still do is shave my armpits. It feels better for me. Let your kid do what they like. So what if they’re a sissy.
Definitely NTA. And it’s great that you’re standing up for him
He might want to start shaving and use one of those at home hair removal lasers as it will make the hair grow back less thick but he could still have some hair if he wants.
If he wants to continue to shave I recommend he use hair conditioner to keep the skin from drying out (and it’s cheaper than shaving gel).
NTA for being a good dad.
Edit- YTA this post is fake. 7 months ago you were 35F
Your wife sounds insufferable.
His body.
In a lot of sports men shave. In the tattoo world, which is my world lol, a lot of people shave their whole body to show off their work.
NTA. Even if you get him anything clipper and he uses a comb his hair will sit flat on not curl up – he doesn’t have to shave. If he prefers to thats his choice. Your wife has some pretty conservative opinions it seems but essentially, its his choice.
My brothers played HS football and all of them shaved their legs so the pads wouldn’t rip the hairs out. One still shaves his pits because he goes through less deodorant that way.
nta your wife shouldn’t pander to gender stereotypes.
Your wife is the AH here and a big one. Actually I’m going with douche canoe. Male body builders shave and so do swimmers. Your wife needs to stop with her 1950s thinking.
NTAH. Your wife is disgusting though.
Shave yourself in solidarity to p!ss her off.
My husband used to shave his arms and legs in high school because his protective sports pads would get caught. I know a few guys that used to do it for that reason so it’s not as feminine as one may think. Anyway, it’s hair, it always grows back
Your wife’s an asshole. Has she never heard of manscaping???
His body. He gets to decide. And she needs to check her gender bias. You? NTA.
Explain to your wife she’s not a man. W.e she wants to do to feel confident she can do so, not all men like to be super hairy. And if your son is feminine so be it, she’s either going to support your child or be a thorn in his side and once he grows up he’ll never speak to her again.
So, your wife’s the type of person who would disown or berate her kid for being trans or gay isn’t she?
Masculinity isn’t attached to hair.
The only reason women shave at all is because a bunch of companies figured out that if they told women body hair made them ugly they’d sell more razors. We shave because of capitalism. Not because it makes us soft and feminine. Because we were told those thing’s so some rich dudes (who couldn’t have cared less about female body hair) could get richer.
Having body hair doesn’t make you masculine or feminine. It makes you human. Removing or not removing that hair doesn’t change that.
Also lots of “manly” men shave or even wax their hair. Body builders, swimmers, cyclists, wrestlers. Your side needs to grow up.
NTA
Teen boys are self conscious about that at first and then by mid high school it’s just normal. Everybody (male) has it esp if Italian, etc. Reaffirming him would have been better than buying a razor. Now if we are talking about back hair or something – absolutely support laser removal etc. how will he ever change or grow to accept his own body if he does that out of the gate. It doesn’t make him sissy, but it is a misstep I think. Some sports of course it is normal to the sport to remove hair.
Shaving for the sake of shaving is a bit sus … im a road cyclist so I have a reason but I’d never do it just for the look or feel.. although admittedly it is nice.
If you guys are hairy, the nicest thing you can do to for future partners is talk about manscaping.
fuck no. go you
Could’ve atleast warned the kid it’s gonna grow back thicker and darker. YTA
Also recommend getting him a trimmer with some guards. That might be better for someone just starting out shaving any part of their body. Razors are close and a nick for a first timer might discourage him
NTA, Your wife is being silly let the kid shave
My husbands dad shaves his legs because he doesn’t like how his hairy legs feel in pants which he wears for work every day. I honestly didn’t even notice until my husband mentioned it one day and I was like oh I guess his legs do look smooth. I just assumed he had lighter hair or something 🤷🏻♀️ NTA. I bet nobody will even notice.
Dont let him shave for God’s sake! Take him to get laser or waxed.
Shaving can cause ingrowns and darker, thicker, corser hair that will just exacerbate the problem.
At least waxing or laser will lessen it over time.
That should be between him and his “partner.”
your letting a woman decide what’s masculine, how would she know what a sissy is or isn’t, she’s not a man. she has no idea what it means to be a man. sounds like maybe she needs to worry about herself, pink was a guys colour at one point, frankly comments on what’s manly or not are completely made up.
I live in South Florida. Many men of all sexualities and nationalities shave all or parts of their bodies. Shaving arms and chests is pretty common.
Grooming is a personal choice and isn’t gender specific.
NTA
NTA, but you should probably get a sense of what this is about. There are certain sports where this is common -cycling, swimming, and bodybuilding, for example- and he might be interested in taking up one of those (he’s a little young yet to get involved in bodybuilding). There are also health conditions that can make the sensation of clothing rubbing against body hair very painful, and you definitely want to know if that’s going on. Or maybe he’s just self-conscious about his appearance. Any of these scenarios would be useful for you as a parent to know.
When I was in college there was a whole fraternity that shaved their legs.
A lot of dudes shave legs and arms. Wife needs to get over hateful gender norms.
Hey, all the guys i know who wrestled shaved their legs (it hurt when rubbing up against the leg hair) and swim team. Our biggest stoner quit partying, shaved his head and joined swim team. He said they all shaved their legs too.
Lots of men shave their legs for various reasons. Some of the guys I was in the army with shaved their legs. He’s a teenager, let him do whatever he wants to any of his hair, it will grow back or can be cut later or whatever is applicable. Messing with hair is probably the lowest stakes thing a teenager can do to their body to express themselves
NTA Rather than trying shame your son, your wife’s first priority should be your son’s comfort. Like the other poster said, this ain’t a group project.
NTA. We are a no body hair family because it’s what we prefer. My now 18 year old daughter has been shaving since she was little because she was so bothered by the dark hair.
I bought my DIL a special razor and showed her how to best cut my son’s back hair.
It’s okay to hate hair and want to get rid of it. It doesn’t matter your sex/ gender or anything else!
Condolences on your shitty wife.
Football players shave their legs because they have to tape their calves.
The sweat factor I get. My husband works in a labor job and he shaves his back and chest because it helps keep the sweat down
It wouldn’t hurt to teach your son manscaping. Girls do appreciate that