Quite a short one, I’m seeing a guy at the moment (just casual, no chance of anything more as I’m not looking for that). He’s quite a big meat eater whereas I’m vegan. I generally like to think im quite easy going and adaptable as a vegan, I’m fine eating at a restaurant with meat eaters and if I’m hosting a party/bbq etc I’m cool with my friends bringing their own food along if they want meat, but I don’t provide it etc.
However this guys taken to buying packets of cured meat as a snack and he eats them in my car in the passenger seat every time I pick him up (he travels to see me). I’ll admit a little part of me gets annoyed as I do feel it’s quite inconsiderate to eat meat in such close proximity to a vegan in that type of environment, but mostly the sight and smell of that type of meat is just really repulsive to me and I don’t think id want it in my car even if I wasn’t vegan.
The other day I asked him if he could eat the cured meats before I pick him up or wait until we’re out of the car and back at my place before he eats them and he got funny with me and made a few comments about how I can’t expect everyone else to cater to my veganism and he can eat what he likes.
I’m a little torn here as I do know I don’t have any right to expect people not to eat meat, but I do also feel like being in my car and in such close proximity to me should warrant a bit of consideration on his part.
AITA?
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Quite a short one, I’m seeing a guy at the moment (just casual, no chance of anything more as I’m not looking for that). He’s quite a big meat eater whereas I’m vegan. I generally like to think im quite easy going and adaptable as a vegan, I’m fine eating at a restaurant with meat eaters and if I’m hosting a party/bbq etc I’m cool with my friends bringing their own food along if they want meat, but I don’t provide it etc.
However this guys taken to buying packets of cured meat as a snack and he eats them in my car in the passenger seat every time I pick him up (he travels to see me). I’ll admit a little part of me gets annoyed as I do feel it’s quite inconsiderate to eat meat in such close proximity to a vegan in that type of environment, but mostly the sight and smell of that type of meat is just really repulsive to me and I don’t think id want it in my car even if I wasn’t vegan.
The other day I asked him if he could eat the cured meats before I pick him up or wait until we’re out of the car and back at my place before he eats them and he got funny with me and made a few comments about how I can’t expect everyone else to cater to my veganism and he can eat what he likes.
I’m a little torn here as I do know I don’t have any right to expect people not to eat meat, but I do also feel like being in my car and in such close proximity to me should warrant a bit of consideration on his part.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was asking my date not to eat cured meat in my car. The reason I might be the asshole is because I don’t know if this was a reasonable ask/expectation or if I was unfairly pushing my vegan beliefs on him.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA The inside of a car is a very close proximity. You have the right to ask anyone not to bring something that makes you uncomfortable into your vehicle. You’re not expecting him not to eat meat in general, just not in your car. He can compromise on eating it at other times or pick a different snack. He should be more considerate of your wants and needs.
Info have you explained why is it such a big deal to you? Also, how long is the car ride? If it’s at least a few hours, a stop somewhere for food/drink/bathroom is a good idea. But it’s your car and whatever rules you have about eating in it should be followed. It does seem like this relationship may have run its course though.
NTA
Nah you’re not the AH. It’s your car, not a mobile deli. Asking him to hold off on the meat snacks for 20 minutes isn’t some wild vegan rule it’s basic respect. If he can’t chill without a meat stick, maybe he’s not the one.
NTA
I can’t stand the smell of root beer. I don’t allow anyone to drink it in my car. There are so many other things to drink, so it’s literally never been an issue.
Honestly, this just seems like he’s being passive aggressive. Once or twice? Sure. Every time? Does anyone like cured meat that much?
NTA. He‘s making it about being vegan, a decision people often ridicule because some of them carry such staunch opposition to animal products anywhere near them, even (especially?) online.
You seem to have a balanced view that you can decide your lifestyle and others can decide theirs.
With that said, I hate the smell of beef jerky (which I’m assuming he’s eating). I like eating it, but I wash and/or sanitize my hands after because I don’t want to smell like cured meat. Tell him that it has nothing to do with being vegan, and everything to do with the smell. Maybe give him an example… like, if you were gettin’ down on a jar of kimchi every time you got in my car, I’d ask you to stop (or throw you out the window, ugh…what a smell). He can respect that or eat it in an Uber on the way to your house.
If you aren’t looking for more than the intrigue of him consuming sliced meat just move on.
Lots of people have a rule that nobody can eat anything in their cars, it’s perfectly reasonable to say you don’t want him eating something you hate the smell of in yours. He’s the one making it into a vegan-versus-non-vegan thing, not you. NTA.
Only uncured meat in my car, dear
NTA. I’ve basically been carnivore-adjacent my entire life, so definitely have no issue with eating whatever. I do, however, believe in common courtesy and respecting other people. If you asked me to go full vegan when I came to visit then I would say something. But asking me to refrain while in a tiny enclosed space where I may as well be waving it in your face? That’s an absolutely reasonable request and I would feel a little embarrassed I hadn’t thought to be more considerate from the start.
Beef jerky kinda reeks. I’m a big meat eater and I barely want to everrr eat that in my own car. He’s inconsiderate.
Put all the windows down while he’s eating it if he does it again! Buahaha
NTA… I’m a meat eater and if you’re describing what I think you’re describing (the prepackaged slim jim style meats) the smell is disgusting and I’d also be annoyed. I would have a talk that it’s not about the meat and he’s free to eat what he wishes but the smell repulses you and you’d appreciate if he didn’t eat it in the car.
NTA. My partner of years isn’t vegan and I don’t eat cured meats in her car because she doesn’t like the smell. It’s a simple courtesy/respect thing.
You’d be within your rights to say no eating at all in the car. But probably the easiest thing to do is just tell him you’re not picking him up anymore. It sounds like no great loss if he decides to stop traveling to see you.
It’s rude eat anything in someone else’s car.
NTA. I’m not vegan and the smell of those things repulses me too.
You don’t want it close to you but do you kiss that mouth that just ate something you find repulsive?
NTA, especially because of his response. It’s not like you said “don’t eat this around me at all”. You asked him to not eat it next to you in a small crammed space and provided two perfectly acceptable alternatives. If he can’t go a short car drive without eating that snack, that’s a whole different problem. But he’s definitely already spent signs of not respecting you, so I’d end it sooner rather than later if he’s not able to show such a small form of respect
NTA. What kind of maniac eats in someone else’s car without getting explicit permission??
NTA
You don’t have to rationalise why you don’t want cured meat in your car. You don’t want it in your car, is all the reason needed.
Start being firm about this boundary. Pull over, tell him to vacate the car to eat it, or he packs it up and eats it later where you are less bothered by the smell. If he won’t leave the car, you get out, take the keys and stand outside until he’s done.
Have a think if this is your only boundary that he disregards. It’s showing serious disrespect for you and your personal space. This is for sure an amber flag.
NTA. It’s your car. Just make a “no eating in the car rule” or better yet get rid of the man
NTA! He’s being vindictive. What he’s doing is trying to punish you for being vegan. Aside from the fact that common courtesy says not to eat in somebody’s car without permission anyway, I am willing to put money on the idea that he only has this hankering for cured meat when he knows he’ll be with you. Stop seeing this guy, he’s trying to punish you for who you are until you change for him.
Did you tell him you don’t like the smell? Because I think I’d assume you had a moral objection to others eating meat too, if you didn’t tell him otherwise.
NTA.
His opinion is completely irrelevant. It’s your car. His attitude is ridiculous, too. If a friend had an aversion to some food I wouldn’t eat it in their car. Yes you should expect people to cater to your preferences in YOUR car, a confined space that you have to keep clean and tidy and where there’s no escape from the smell of food that turns your stomach. He’s an asshole and it sounds like he’s doing it to make a point about veganism I guess?
I wouldn’t spend your time on this guy.
NTA
Plenty of regular eaters simply dont want people to eat in their car for whatever reason.
Your car, your rules. If he can’t be accommodating to you in that now, he may not in the future about anything else. NTA
Nope. Sorry. It doesn’t matter if you’re vegan or not. No one eats something in your car if you ask them not to. It could be a bar of candy and the passenger should put it away if the driver asks them to.
If he can’t hold off eating his over processed meat for a short drive then he needs to look at himself.
Those types of meat stink and he knows it. This is a power move on his behalf given that he has just ‘taken’ to eating it.
This is a casual relationship so honestly it’s not worth the hassle and disrespect that he is showing.
NTA.
ESH-
No meat in my cast iron? I feel comfortable enforcing that. No meat in the car while I’m driving? If I otherwise allow people to eat in my car, this comes across as being controlling.
If you don’t want people eating meat in your proximity, you should limit your social group to fellow vegans/vegetarians. I’ve been vegan for 25 years, and vegetarian for ten years before that, and I find that it’s just easier to live and let live. Being a purist can be harmful to the cause because it alienates people, and makes them less willing to try vegan food or consider it for themselves. Some people even eat extra in front of us / “at” us as a “protest.”
He also sucks because he’s lecturing the ride-giver about her manners while accepting free transport and nookie. You should get a different fuck buddy who doesn’t give you sass about asking them not to eat in your car. And who is closer in proximity.
NTA. Lots of people have no eating/drinking rules in their cars. Plus, as a meat eater, cured meats stink, and cars really hold smells in. I’d be telling dude he can eat his cured meats on his way back home.
NTA. I love meat and would eat it with every meal if I could but it’s your car. Hell, it’s your house too. I wouldn’t be happy if you came and tried to push veganism on me in my own house so what right would I have to push meat in yours? You’ve said you’re just seeing him casually so I’m assuming there’s no major emotions there, get rid of him. He’s being thoughtless at best and malicious at worst.
It has nothing to do with being vegan. Your car, your rules. He’s a dick.
NTA. It’s a simple request and you aren’t even saying he shouldn’t eat it. It wouldn’t take much respect for someone to be alright with a small ask like this
NTA, whatever the food if it’s stinky and you don’t want hot boxing with the smell in your car, themselves the rules
I’m not a vegan and wouldn’t want repeated experiences of someone eating cured meats in an enclosed space with me.
NTA…. But why engage with a meat eater you don’t see any kind of long term potential with???
NTA. What a loser to disrespect you like that. I’m glad he’s not a keeper. Ew, how do you kiss him?
NTA. It’s your car, it’s very normal to have rules on what people can eat inside of it.
You could tell him no eating at all in the car, and you wouldn’t be an AH
NTA, bro it’s your car, if he can’t respect what you want to happen in YOUR car then kick him out.
There are people out there who love to force meat on vegans and vegetarians and then get angry and indignant if someone gets upset.
He doesn’t have to eat his meat sticks in your car. He’s doing to get a rise out of you or to criticize your choice of diet and to feel superior.
This guy must be magical in the bedroom for you to put up with that kind of BS.
NTA. Your car, your rules. Throw this one back.
It’s rude to eat anything in someone’s car if they are against it.
there is no way i will allow someone to eat stinky food in my car. Vegan or not, NTA
NTA and that comment makes him the AH.
NTA. You aren’t telling him not to eat it, just to wait until you are not trapped in the car with it.
NTA
He’s using the wrong pronoun. He can eat *what* he likes, but not *where* he likes.
This isn’t about the vegan thing, this is about him not having any respect for you when make a pretty simple, understandable and not out of line request. Is this the kind of person you want to be with? Who has this little regard for your feelings?
NTA but time to have a think about this guy and if this is how you want to be treated going forward
Go get your car super detailed as a treat to yourself, then institute a new no-food rule. Period. Water only.
NTA. He can eat what he likes, true. But you can also decide who to have in your car and who has to walk.
YTA, how would you feel if he dictated when what and where you can eat?
He can eat what he likes, but not in your car. That’s disrespectful AF to you.
Honestly you’ll need to decide how big of a boundary this is. If he keeps doing it, you’re gonna need to tell him no more car rides.
Additionally, consider what your life will be like long term. When you move in together, will you expect him to mostly eat your vegan food? Will you be okay with him eating and cooking meat in your home?
NTA.
GABAGOOOOOOOOL
He sounds like an AH.
He’s absolutely right he can eat what he likes but it seems like he’s attempting to make some kind of point with the cured meats in your car.
Doesn’t the thought of ‘grown up’ kissing a meat eater turn you off?
NTA – but this guy is a red flag. Sounds like mind games.
NTA and he is probably doing this on purpose to see your reaction. There is absolutely no good reason for him to save his meat eating for when he is in your car. He is manipulating you.
NTA. You can be doubly sure of that because it’s not often the Internet comes to the defense of a vegan hahaha. It’s your car and you made a very reasonable request. That comment he made was pretty AH-ish too.
NTA it is rude and inconsiderate to eat anything in someone else’s car without permission.
Nta and I want to make the point here is that i don’t think this is about the meat.
It’s him trying to walk all over your boundaries, and would very much be a red flag to me.
NTA there’s no way this is not deliberate. He’s doing this because he thinks it’s stupid you’re a vegan. No point in any more dates. End it.
NTA, and lets be clear: he does NOT travel to see you. YOU travel to see him at your own place.
Also, he CAN eat what he likes; just not in your car.
In my opinion, your car, your rules. If that’s too difficult for him or if he’s just so entitled, he can pound sand.
NTA
as a meat eater that shit smells nasty. i don’t like people eating it in my car either
NTA. You’re not dictating his diet. You’re placing a restriction on your vehicle and personal space. If he can’t understand or respect that then stop picking him up in your car.
Nta.
The
dickass can’t be worth it. He sounds obnoxious.NTA. If he doesn’t respect you now, he never will. Either he’s so addicted to meat he can’t stop himself, or he’s really selfish, or he’s trying to get a rise out of you. Whichever option you choose, it’s still bad. You can do better – even if for a casual relationship – because this guy’s a jerk. Let him date someone who eats as much meat as him.
But pastrami is the most sensual of the smoked, cured meats
Your car, your rules. Tell him to walk with his weird packet of meat snacks (I’m not vegan or vegetarian) or wait and respect the driver/owner of the vehicle.
NTA
NTA. You can dictate no eating in your car, no eating drippy foods, no eating smelly cheeses, no eating cured meats. It’s your car. He’s being unreasonable. It wasn’t a 15 hour car ride. Guess you know how he’ll respect you and your wishes now.
NTA not for eating meat close to you, but for eating in your car.
Your car, your rules.
He can eat what he likes in his own car. Point out just in case he needs reminding it’s your car and your rules. GTFO if he doesn’t like it.
Ewww! I can smell it. NTA
NTA
He starts bringing food into your car that he could easily eat before or after being stuck in a car.
He doesn’t ask if he can eat his food in your car, he does it.
Doesn’t matter if he’s eating a vegan wrap or an all meat roll up, polite people who respect you and your property ASK if its ok to eat food and respect you/your wishes if you change your mind about your property.
Hes punishing you for being vegan and was waiting for you to bring up his rude behavior so he could pull the “dont push your vegan lifestyle on me”. He knows 100% what hes doing.
Stop sleeping with people when they are rude to you, especially stop sleeping with someone who is rude to you/disrespectful of your property and they audacity to blame your lifestyle on their rude/disrespectful behavior.
NTA. Keep it simple. Tell him from now on, no eating in your car at all. It’s a perfectly reasonable rule that many people have. You’re not telling him he can’t have his cured meats, just that he can’t eat them in your vehicle. BTW I’m a fan of beef jerky, snack trays with salami, etc. I refuse to eat them in my car because the smell lingers.
NTA. I have a no eating in my car rule. So nothing, period. Adopt the same rule but in this case, he’s disrespecting you.
NTA
As far as I’m concerned, you don’t even have to give him a reason for telling him he can’t eat in your car. Your veganism is irrelevant. You’ve asked him not to eat in your car, he says you can’t tell him what to do, you say sure I can get a ride with someone else. Easy peasy decision because he sounds like a jerk.
YTA. You say it’s casual and won’t be more than that, yet he’s traveling to see you? He doesn’t feel the same way. Might as well rip the band aid off and let him enjoy his meat in peace.
He should stop eating near you.
NTA, this guy has a dumb take when you’re just saying please either eat it before or after you’re in a very enclosed space with him… especially when it’s a strong smelling food.
NTA but still annoying AF
Meat eater or vegan, you ain’t eating in my car. Full stop.
NTA. Good thing it’s just casual. It’ll make it so much easier to cut him out.
Throw the whole meatsack away, he’s an a-hole and you’re NTA. He’s probably just trying to “trigger the vegan lol.”
You say you’re easy going and adaptable but the smell of meat makes you sick…? Okay
I am not a vegan or vegetarian and would not be pleased with someone munching cured meats in my car… the smell in such close proximity is no lol
NTA. This is a really easy thing to do. Instead of saying sure, no problem, he got all pissy about it.
Eat meat…………..OR………..find another vegan
This relationship seemed like a terrible idea before it even happened.
NTA. He’s an adult and can go on a drive without pungent snacks (if any variety)
NTA. It is your car, but if I were him, what you said would bother me. I don’t think you should be having a relationship with him since you’re so “sensitive” to meat. I can just imagine one day he just spontaneously reaches over to kiss you and you gag because he has meat in his breath. It just kills everything.
Nta does he even ask if he can eat in your car? Thats rude if he doesn’t whether or not you have dietary restrictions. He doesn’t respect your wishes and you need to dump him
NTA. Travel separately or break up. He’s rude and inconsiderate.
NTA. You can absolutely expect people to cater to you requests while they’re in YOUR car. This a HUGE red flag that goes way beyond dietary choices. This guy is disrespecting a boundary and is 100% comfortable doing so. This doesn’t get better. Get out now.
Your car, your rules
NTA
NTA, your car, your rules, IDGAF how serious your relationship is. Fuck that.
NTA
It’s not the meat, it’s the disrespect. I honestly don’t see how he can come back from this.
NTA.
This doesn’t even need to be a vegan thing. If someone tells me not to eat in their car, I don’t eat in their car. Period.
ESH for unrealistic expectations of your compatibility.
NTA I think its more than reasonable to ask him to not est meat in your car. I actually think that it would be common sense not to ear meat in a vegans car???? I mean the smell of some of that stuff makes me gag and I’m a meat eater.
If he isn’t willing to be accommodating about something so simple, I can’t see him being the type of person to be a thoughtful partner.
Eating things in someone else’s car without permission is rude, NTA. But hon, he’s not gonna change his diet for you, is carnivory something you can potentially put up with for life? If not stop wasting your time with someone incompatible with your values.
NTA – as a meat lover, this is frigging weird and sounds to be very much on purpose to upset you/get a reaction. Diet aside though, it’s your car and you can have whatever rules you want – not wanting any kind of food in it is perfectly reasonable.
Nta
But if you want better results then you need to communicate the issue better.
Don’t tell him it’s a meat issue, tell him it’s a smell issue. Tell him the jerky smells like farts to you, so wait until he’s out of the car.
NTA He’s a disrespectful jerk. Dump him because he doesn’t care about you.
Has he considered…. just eating them before he sees you? The car ride can’t possibly be that long that he always needs a snack during the ride
NTA. You were very accommodating in your approach and you just asked him not to eat it in your car and even said it was OK to eat it back at your house. It’s true that he can eat whatever he wants but you weren’t telling him he couldn’t eat it, you were asking him not to eat it in your car specifically which is more than fair request
Beef jerky, it’s called beef jerky, stop being dramatic.
NTA but he clearly doesn’t actually like you as a person, and he’s doing this deliberately because, again, he does not like you as a person. So you should probably stop having sex with him, because, for the third time, he clearly loathes you as a human being.