I (20F) took the bus this morning. I get to the bus stop, and a man (in his 40s or 50s?) sits next to me as we wait for the bus. I have my headphones on, trying to avoid any chit-chat, when the guy asks me how far the bus is (we have an app that tracks the buses).
So I slide one side of my headphones off, tell him how far the bus is, and slide it back on in hopes he doesn’t talk to me again. So far just a normal interaction.
He tries to ask me if I know whether this bus goes to the center of our city. I slide one side off again and ask him what he said (because I didn’t hear him). He asks again, and I answer, something like, “This one doesn’t quite get to the center; it stops at X though.” While I answer his question, he licks his lip, which might just be a normal human action that didn’t mean anything, but it creeps me out a little, especially as I am a young female and he is an older and bigger man.
I slide my headphones back on, trying to super ignore him this time, and by the time the bus arrives, nothing else happens.
The bus arrives and it’s EMPTY. I get on first, finding a seat, and then the man decides to sit in the seat right next to me.
Now for me, personally, I lose most of my respect for him as a person, so I don’t care for politeness. I understand if the bus was full, but the bus was literally empty when we entered, so if he really wanted to talk to me, he could have sat behind, in front, or on the row across from me.
This is where I was told I was the asshole. I ask, “Can you move to another seat? I have a friend who is going to join me” (just an excuse to get the man to sit ANYWHERE else but directly next to me). I did think about asking the man to stand up for a second so I could move to a different spot, but
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I thought it could make things worse/more dangerous, and I honestly did not want to start a conflict or some weird staring from afar.
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As mentioned earlier, I lost most respect for him at that point, so I didn’t feel like asking politely when he broke social etiquette. I would have asked anyone whom I don’t know this exact same way; woman, grandpa, child.
The man doesn’t acknowledge my request. I don’t want to start anything, so I stay seated, putting one foot on my chair, trying to, I guess, make a barrier while leaning on the window, just trying to give as much distance between us.
He tries talking to me before his stop, but I don’t even bother acknowledging him and pretend I can’t hear shit. Thankfully nothing else happens, just very weird vibes.
I go home and tell my family this, but my parents tell me that me asking him to move to another seat is quite rude. So while he was weird, I should have asked to move to another seat rather than telling HIM to move. They insisted that asking the man to go to another spot while in a public space was rude and an asshole move, which is now making me doubt if it was.
So, was I the asshole for asking a man to go to another seat on the bus while it was empty?
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I (20F) took the bus this morning. I get to the bus stop, and a man (in his 40s or 50s?) sits next to me as we wait for the bus. I have my headphones on, trying to avoid any chit-chat, when the guy asks me how far the bus is (we have an app that tracks the buses).
So I slide one side of my headphones off, tell him how far the bus is, and slide it back on in hopes he doesn’t talk to me again. So far just a normal interaction.
He tries to ask me if I know whether this bus goes to the center of our city. I slide one side off again and ask him what he said (because I didn’t hear him). He asks again, and I answer, something like, “This one doesn’t quite get to the center; it stops at X though.” While I answer his question, he licks his lip, which might just be a normal human action that didn’t mean anything, but it creeps me out a little, especially as I am a young female and he is an older and bigger man.
I slide my headphones back on, trying to super ignore him this time, and by the time the bus arrives, nothing else happens.
The bus arrives and it’s EMPTY. I get on first, finding a seat, and then the man decides to sit in the seat right next to me.
Now for me, personally, I lose most of my respect for him as a person, so I don’t care for politeness. I understand if the bus was full, but the bus was literally empty when we entered, so if he really wanted to talk to me, he could have sat behind, in front, or on the row across from me.
This is where I was told I was the asshole. I ask, “Can you move to another seat? I have a friend who is going to join me” (just an excuse to get the man to sit ANYWHERE else but directly next to me). I did think about asking the man to stand up for a second so I could move to a different spot, but
I thought it could make things worse/more dangerous, and I honestly did not want to start a conflict or some weird staring from afar.
As mentioned earlier, I lost most respect for him at that point, so I didn’t feel like asking politely when he broke social etiquette. I would have asked anyone whom I don’t know this exact same way; woman, grandpa, child.
The man doesn’t acknowledge my request. I don’t want to start anything, so I stay seated, putting one foot on my chair, trying to, I guess, make a barrier while leaning on the window, just trying to give as much distance between us.
He tries talking to me before his stop, but I don’t even bother acknowledging him and pretend I can’t hear shit. Thankfully nothing else happens, just very weird vibes.
I go home and tell my family this, but my parents tell me that me asking him to move to another seat is quite rude. So while he was weird, I should have asked to move to another seat rather than telling HIM to move. They insisted that asking the man to go to another spot while in a public space was rude and an asshole move, which is now making me doubt if it was.
So, was I the asshole for asking a man to go to another seat on the bus while it was empty?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I asked a man directly if he can move to a different seat on the bus
(2) it is a public space and if i was uncomfortable, i should have moved instead of asking him
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. But I would have moved to a different seat, maybe one closer to the driver just in case. I’m a 50 something man, and I hate people that do this…and especially the ones that, when I’m watching a movie at the theater with tons of empty seats, decide to sit beside, directly in front or behind me. GTFO. Kinda sounds like he was trying to be a little too friendly/interested in you. He was TA for sitting beside you.
You’re NTA. He was being a creep. Your parents are doing you a disservice. They shoyld be encouraging you to push back against creeoy people who ignore your obvious signs that you want to be left alone.
Are there any personal defense courses available to you in your area? One might give you the assertiveness to push back more emphatically when someone is bothering you.
NTA but if you’re trapped into the seat because a man is on the outside, be careful. I think phrasing it as “I have a friend coming” is a good way of defusing tension though. I’ve had a couple of experiences where I’ve had men invade my space in buses and bus shelters. I’m definitely much more aware of keeping exits open to me so that I can get away more easily. This is not your fault and you shouldn’t have to but its something to keep in mind for another time.
So I think you were okay to ask him to move and he was being the asshole by sitting beside you when the whole bus was empty (when as you say he could have sat nearby).
NTA but as others have said I probably would have gotten up and moved. He sounds like a total creep
NTA. Your parents are contributing to the culture of this type of behavior being allowed. You get to be rude to someone that is being rude to you first. He was violating your personal space. If the bus was full that’s one thing but he clearly was targeting you.
If this ever happens again go to a new seat and take up the whole row.
What a creep.
NTA. He was being a creep. If the bus was completely empty, there was absolutely no reason for him to sit next to you. I’d have just got up and moved. Your parents are weird for being more concerned about you potentially being rude than your safety and comfort.
NTA.
You do not have to be polite to men who creep you out!!!
This just encourages them to continue the creepy behavior.
You were well within your rights, the situation didn’t escalate, and you stayed safe.
If you run into this dude on your commute again, sit on the outside seat of a pair on bus 2. If he tries to sit with you, let him in and then move. If he moves with you make it real awkward, be loud. “Why are you chasing me around the bus?” “You’re making me uncomfortable.” “I don’t want to talk to you.” Etc.
NTA. He was being a creep.
Honey, this is why, when the bus is empty, you ALWAYS sit in the seat next to the aisle, so a creep like this can’t sit next to you.
You weren’t rude at all btw, you should have just asked him to move because you can’t really tell someone what to do, but you can do whatever the hell you want. So, in that sense, he could easily ignore your ask to get away in a way he couldn’t ignore your desire to move.
Edit to say obv NTA
Oh god, NTA. We need to fucking normalise being rude to creeps and making them feel as uncomfortable as they make us feel.
I love living in Finland. I mean, there’s your share of creeps but everyone here is so anal about their personal space that people while waiting for a bus stand a meter away from others. It’s kinda funny watching people when out and about.
NTA. Always enter public transport after someone who gives you ick so you can go furthest away, always sit st the aisle so someone doesn’t sit next to you…. mind you this all applies when there’s very few people.