I (25M) have a childhood best friend named Anna (27F). We’ve been close forever, and she and my girlfriend Lily (26F) have actually always gotten along great. They even hang out on their own sometimes and it’s never been weird.
Anna’s always been the type to document everything on social media, she takes a bunch of photos whenever she hangs out with people or goes out and posts them online, which has never been a problem to me even though I don’t personally understand the social media mania.
The issue is that Lily is a very private person. She doesn’t mind having her picture taken, but typically doesn’t want it online unless she’s approved it, because of her job and just her own personal preference I guess.
The issue arose a few days ago when Anna came over for dinner. She took a bunch of pics of us cooking laughing and just hanging out. Later she put them on Facebook without asking first. The pictures were very tame in my opinion but it pissed Lily off and she asked me to talk to her about asking for permission before posting. While I didn’t personally see it as a huge deal I understood it made it uncomfortable so I agreed to talk to her.
So I told Anna in future if she wants to post pictures of us in future she has to ask before she posts them, especially if Lily is in any of them. Anna seemed taken aback and got upset, because she “always” posts photos of her life and I’ve never had an issue when I’ve been in them in the past, and also said I only have an issue with this because Lily does. So now she’s mad at me because she thinks I’m a pushover I guess and hasn’t talked to me in a few days.
AITA?
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I (25M) have a childhood best friend named Anna (27F). We’ve been close forever, and she and my girlfriend Lily (26F) have actually always gotten along great. They even hang out on their own sometimes and it’s never been weird.
Anna’s always been the type to document everything on social media, she takes a bunch of photos whenever she hangs out with people or goes out and posts them online, which has never been a problem to me even though I don’t personally understand the social media mania.
The issue is that Lily is a very private person. She doesn’t mind having her picture taken, but typically doesn’t want it online unless she’s approved it, because of her job and just her own personal preference I guess.
The issue arose a few days ago when Anna came over for dinner. She took a bunch of pics of us cooking laughing and just hanging out. Later she put them on Facebook without asking first. The pictures were very tame in my opinion but it pissed Lily off and she asked me to talk to her about asking for permission before posting. While I didn’t personally see it as a huge deal I understood it made it uncomfortable so I agreed to talk to her.
So I told Anna in future if she wants to post pictures of us in future she has to ask before she posts them, especially if Lily is in any of them. Anna seemed taken aback and got upset, because she “always” posts photos of her life and I’ve never had an issue when I’ve been in them in the past, and also said I only have an issue with this because Lily does. So now she’s mad at me because she thinks I’m a pushover I guess and hasn’t talked to me in a few days.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) Taking my girlfriends side over my friend in regards to posting pictures on my friends social media
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
If they’re friends why can’t she talk to her
Just have her put a blob over her face like parents do with kids
NTA. It doesn’t matter why you asked her to stop. You asked her to stop, and she needs to respect your wishes.
From the beginning this should have been a conversation between Anna and Lily. They are both grown women. The situation doesn’t actually concern you because you didn’t care if your photo was posted. Lily can be an adult and tell Anna she may not post pictures with her in it. NTA
NTA. Your relationship is not hers to put on display. The real problem here is that she got upset and accused you of only having an issue with it because your girlfriend doesn’t like it.
If the two of them are friends, why doesn’t your girlfriend talk to her about it instead of putting you in the middle?
ESH-I feel like it’s a shared responsibility since you shouldn’t have been involved in the conversation in the first place. It should’ve been between the two ladies.
NTA.
And if ya’ll are so close how does Anna not know this about your GF by now? Also it should have been up to your GF to let her know that she doesn’t want to be splattered all over Anna’s SM pages.
NTA – Anna has every right to post pictures of her own life but it’s another thing entirely to do that to a person she isn’t close with. Lily is entitled to privacy especially if she has said out loud that she doesn’t want to be posted. Have the conversation with Anna but I would also encourage Lily to speak her boundaries aloud if she hasn’t already. Anna might take it more seriously if she’s hearing it directly from the horse’s mouth
NTA. She should respect when you told her that.
I always feel so exasperated when I read posts about the boyfriend’s girl best friend. They always say that the friend is so great and that they get along with their girlfriends, but the posts always end with the best friend doing something that causes issues between the bf and gf and puts the bf in a weird position.
If your best friend does not respect your girlfriend’s request and then turns this issue back on you, then she’s not a good friend. Many people don’t want their pictures posted on social media and your girlfriend’s request isn’t strange. Your friend should respect that and just take the pictures down.
Also, the fact that she asked you to confront your best friend shows that they don’t really get along as well as you claim they do.
NTA. I think they should have discussed it like adults, but I also get where your girlfriend is coming from. Depending on the company, she may have a very strict code of conduct to follow. I know people that don’t have social media at all just to avoid such issues.
Companies do watch your social media accounts & they will act based off what they see. Your girlfriend may be erring on the side of caution. Better safe than sorry.
And regardless, don’t post my picture without permission is a simple boundary & honestly…just basic respect. Not everyone likes their lives blasted all of social media.
Even if I don’t mind if some of my photos are posted by other people, I’m against people like Anna posting my photos without permission, so that she posts my personal moments. To be honest, without permission, she cannot even post a photo of someone else’s house. It’s time for her to learn manners and stop being jealous of someone else’s boyfriend.
NTA
NTA. When it comes to privacy, stating your preferences once should be all that’s needed. Your gf doesn’t owe your friend an explanation for her preferences either.
NTA but your GF should address your friend. People have the right to request their photo isn’t posted online or to review whatever you’re posting of them. I’ve had friends post HORRIBLE pictures of me and had to ask them to be removed. I’m stockpiling bad photos to send the common offenders to let them know I’ll post their worst photos if they keep getting shots of me mid bite or mid blink and posting them. FAFO. You’re NTA and neither is your GF. Anna needs to respect boundaries and privacy. Her choice to document her life doesn’t mean everyone else has to.
NTA. I have a sister who documents her life on Facebook. I finally told her I did not want her posting any pictures of me unless she’s asked me first. Our other sister apparently felt the same way, but was afraid to say anything to her. After I spoke up, she finally did also. She can document her life as much as she wants, but I don’t have to consent to being included in the documentation.
Both you and your girlfriend have that same right. I understand your girlfriend asking you to speak on her behalf. Even though she has spent time with your friend independent of you, you are the common denominator. You’ve known the friend longer and would arguably know how to approach her better than your girlfriend would. Whatever the reason, though just the fact that she asked you to speak on her behalf does not make her a bad guy here. Bottom line, no one‘s pictures or personal details should ever be posted online by someone else without getting permission first.