Me 30F and my boyfriend 33M started dating a few months ago. He has a dog (that I love) that’s about 10 years old. He has an ex girlfriend that used to live with him in his condo. They broke up almost 2 years ago. She also had a dog before they got together, that lived with them when they lived together (it is her dog, not a dog they got together). They lived together for maybe two years, including 8 months or so after breaking up. He wanted kids and she didn’t, and the relationship became mundane and it didn’t work out. They were in a “Situationship” occasionally hooking up (~5x in those 8 months), but weren’t “together” while still living together. She works service industry jobs (shifts on weekends) and my boyfriend will watch her dog on weekends every month or so, no questions asked. He justifies it by saying that he was the dogs “stepdad” and that it’s so his dog can socialize with it. Am I the asshole for wanting him to cut off contact with his ex and stop pet-sitting her dog on the weekends? His dog already sets much of our schedule, and keeps him from being able to stay at my place (I don’t want a dog in my home— to many breakables, not enough space).
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Me 30F and my boyfriend 33M started dating a few months ago. He has a dog (that I love) that’s about 10 years old. He has an ex girlfriend that used to live with him in his condo. They broke up almost 2 years ago. She also had a dog before they got together, that lived with them when they lived together (it is her dog, not a dog they got together). They lived together for maybe two years, including 8 months or so after breaking up. He wanted kids and she didn’t, and the relationship became mundane and it didn’t work out. They were in a “Situationship” occasionally hooking up (~5x in those 8 months), but weren’t “together” while still living together. She works service industry jobs (shifts on weekends) and my boyfriend will watch her dog on weekends every month or so, no questions asked. He justifies it by saying that he was the dogs “stepdad” and that it’s so his dog can socialize with it. Am I the asshole for wanting him to cut off contact with his ex and stop pet-sitting her dog on the weekends? His dog already sets much of our schedule, and keeps him from being able to stay at my place (I don’t want a dog in my home— to many breakables, not enough space).
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> Asking my boyfriend to stop pet sitting (and communicating) with his ex girlfriend
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. He still loves this dog and enjoys socializing with it. You sound insecure.
> (don’t want a dog in my home— to many breakables, not enough space).
Sounds like this is not going to work out long-term anyway.
The fact that he already has a relationship with the dog is undeniable. A woman who demands a man cut off a relationship with a dog is more likely to get cut off themselves.
Based on Timeline he has been with that dog longer than either of you. The Dog will win.
NTA, but girl, you need to wake up. He’s still tangled up with his ex—pet-sitting, “stepdad” excuses, and they were hooking up while living together? Hell no. This isn’t just about the dog. He’s not over her, and you’re the side piece in this mess. Dump him.
INFO How does this have any impact you? Is having two dogs instead of one more trouble? Or are you just upset that he’s friendly with an ex?
YTA. This looks like little more than a jealous ploy to keep your bf away from an ex- with whom he has remained friendly and whose dog he is fond of. Keep it up and you, too, will soon join the ranks of his exes. Whether the two of you remain friendly will depend on whether you have a pet of whom he grows fond.
YTA, it may not have been “his” dog but the dog is his dog in a way. He loved that dog for a long time. It’s definitely understandable that he want to see the dog on occasion. And if that way is by watching the dog, let him have that time.
Are you that insecure over him watching a dog just because it is his ex’s? I lived with my sister and she got a dog while living with her. I am always open to watching her pup because I miss her. Get over yourself.
It’s weird, but the real question is do you think he’s cheating in any way (including emotionally). If you honestly don’t think he is, this may be one of those extremely rare cases of exs being capable of being friends
NAH, it’s understandable to be insecure about things that keep an ex in your partners life.
But also, a man can love a dog more than anyone can realise if they don’t also love that dog.
So if you ask him to choose between the dog and you expect to lose or have long term resentment.
If it makes you feel better hooking up 5 times in 8 months sounds like a relationship that very much petered and died. People with any interest in each other and live together tend to have sex more than once a month.
I think if you have to ask that then you’re incompatible and if you do ask he’ll probably say no. He sounds like a nice person and looking after the dog is a win for both of them
YTA. That dog was family to him for two+ years. Of course he wants to still have contact with it. I would too. This has nothing to do with his ex.
BTW if you don’t want dogs in your space and are dating a dog lover, you might not be that compatible.
you should probably spend some time reflecting on the fact that you’re jealous of a dog
Mild AH. I think you two are not going to work out, you evidently don’t even like dogs much and he loves them, esp his stepdog.
You also seem rather jealous , since you cite an immense amount of detail about your bf ‘s ex- relationship and are clearly concerned, imho , about his ongoing connection at least as much as the dog issue. Even if he were to give up the did, he’d probably resent you for making him do so.
Not blaming you, but given it’s only a few months in, l’d move on from this
NAH – neither of you is strictly wrong to have these lines you’re drawing – but girl, this isn’t going to last. He loves dogs. You don’t want one in your home.
YTA
Even without an ex in the picture you two are long term incompatible. You don’t want a dog in your home? What’s he going to do with his dog of ten years if you two get serious and move in together? Y’all have only been together a few months you actually have less than a half of a leg to stand on to ask him to stop watching the dog in his own home. If you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t pet sit their exes dog, that’s been around longer than you, then break up and be with someone who doesn’t pet sit their exes dog.
YTA. This was a thing before you were in the picture, and knew about it before you got serious with him and still went forward with the relationship.
NTA, demand is a strong word, so maybe YTA, but …. This would make me uncomfortable and I would not ask a partner to be cool with it.
Sweep your back porch of your old relationships before you start a new one. People need to learn. There’s a carve out for actual kids in shared custody, not for pets.
Yes indeed YTA and a jealous one at that. You really have no right to make demands of a boyfriend and one of only a few months at that. Be understanding and enjoy the extra dog. If not, know your days with him are numbered.
Who the heck is insecure over a DOG?
YTA and you should take some time off men and seek therapy if a dog is making you this neurotic
Not the a$$hole, totally normal feelings. But the ex is not a threat at all, if he wanted her they would still be together. The fact that he is a dog person and you are not is a real issue, though. One of you will be unhappy, unless you learn to love having a dog. Unfortunately you can’t unlove having a pet, especially a dog, if he can’t have one, he will be unhappy and it will come out at some point.
YTA
It may be “her dog” but he lived and bonded with the animal for the duration of their cohabitation. It may as well be his dog and if he wants to watch it then he absolutely can.
Also if you don’t want a dog in your home, then why are you in a relationship with someone who loves dogs
This whole post reads as If you’re jealous of the dogs
YTA
NTA for asking, but steel yourself for when he says no on the grounds that he bonded with the dog and enjoys spending time with it. Unless he’s doing something that suggests he’s still his ex (spending time with her dog with whom he bonded is not evidence that he’s still into her), it seems like your response to the dog is unreasonable. There’s a reason they are no longer together. If you can’t trust that he is choosing you, that’s on you to work out with yourself and maybe a therapist.
YTA. He’s sitting the dog, not the ex!
INFO:
If you don’t want a dog in your home, and your boyfriend currently has a dog (that does not belong to his ex), what is your plan here? Wait the dog out before you live together? Insist he never owns a dog again? Make him give it away?
You’re not compatible. You’re easily jealous with a man who isn’t. You hate dogs, but you’re dating a man who owns one. Nothing about the two of you says you’re actually going to like each other in a year from now, so save yourself the trouble and just end things so he can get back to pet sitting what sounds like a very good boy.
Also, I better see the pet tax in these comments somewhere.
YTA
this is the equivalent of asking someone to not have contact with a stepchild.
The dog is more important than you, the dog was there before and the dog will be there after.
The fact you were into so much detail about their previous relationship shows this is not at all about the dog.
Get over your insecurities.
YTA. He has a relationship with this dog that he seems to care about. And if he’s watching the dog, the ex by definition isn’t home, so who cares?
As for his (and to an extent your) schedule being dictated by his dog….welcome to dating a person who owns a dog. They’re needy and high-maintenance animals. Good for your bf for not neglecting his dog.
I feel like people are saying YTA because you don’t want a dog in your home. Maybe in the future you’ll want a dog. But you’re NTA for wanting your partner to cut contact with an ex. Even if it’s dog sitting, in a way that’s weird. It’s not a dog they got together, it’s her dog. Exes are exes along with all things with them. (Besides a human child) 🙂
YTA. This is more than just about the dog. You’re jealous. You can’t prevent your boyfriend from seeing a dog that he lived with for 2 years and loved just as long
WTA, you don’t deserve an explanation.
Are you a dog person?
Because if you aren’t, do not date a dog person.
This dog is a senior dog and it is his dog, has been his dog for a long time.
They share custody so to speak. It’s not abnormal at all.
Do not be jealous and insecure about a dog.
YTA
Honestly just break up with him.
He loves dogs, you don’t like dogs – his ex girlfriend’s dog has nothing to do with this.
The two of you are not compatible.
Are you seriously jealous of a dog?
Yeahhhh I call bullshit on them not being together while they lived together. If I didn’t want kids and my partner did I sure as hell wouldn’t still be sleeping with him. Someone is lying about that whole thing if this isn’t ai.
YTA, it honestly is a soft you’re the asshole. I’m a dog lover, so slightly biased, but to be honest, I just think you and your boyfriend are incompatible. If he wanted something serious and long-term (wanting kids and whatnot) then it’s reasonable to believe him not being able to stay at your place – due to having a dog – will slow and make your relationship also mundane.
Think it’s best you find a partner without a dog that fits your lifestyle more suitably.
I mean, I can see why it’d be awkward, however, if you don’t like dogs, but he does… I don’t think y’all are gonna work out.
just end it, he obviously likes dogs more than you.
Yta. If you don’t want a dog in your home don’t date a dog dad. You are so weird for putting yourself in that position
Soft YTA
You and him sound genuinely un-compatable also. He loves animals, so much that he is still connected to his exs dog. You’re complaining that it already sets the schedule, but… yeah. That’s how pets work. EVERYTHING is around them because they rely on you for everything. If your already annoyed by that AND unwilling to compromise in making your home more pet friendly to spend time together, this relationship won’t work out either way.
He has ALL the green flags for an animal lover. They just look red to you because you two aren’t a match
NTA. I guess people don’t know how to read on this page because OP definitely says that his dogs schedule is hectic enough and they can’t really spend together and adding the exes dog on top of it pretty much eats away at that time too. Yes, I get the attachment to the dog, but at the same time, the past is the past and the dog belongs to the ex and not him. He needs to cut contact with the ex and let her figure out dog sitting some other way. It’s not about insecurity, it’s more about consideration for your current partner and if the boyfriend cares about OP, he should realize that. She’s not telling him to get rid of his dog, but just cutting contact with the ex and having their extra time not be spent on someone else’s dog instead of on their relationship. And she never said that she didn’t want the dog in her home and literally says at the top that she loves his dog. She just said that she doesn’t have the space in her home and she has a lot of things that can break meaning that if she had more space she would be accepting of her boyfriend‘s dog being in the home. I really wish people would read.
NAH, but maybe you shouldn’t be dating a dog person
You should watch the Fresh Pet commercials because you’ll be gone soon.
You’re jealous and YTA.
I am a dog person, living with a dog is not an issue. My current living situation is not suited for having a dog. Living situations change.
YTA & I’m usually all for cutting ties with ex’s. But he probably loves this dog & she trusts him with this dog. I’d be sick worrying about who’d watch my poor dog.
I fell out with my ex , saw him the other day, totally ignored him and played with his dog.
The relationship is with the dog, not the ex.
So unless he’s doing anything shady, he needs to be able to maintain the relationship with that dog. It’s like losing a child if you can’t.
Yta
I married a germaphobe who did not want a dog inside at all. It is possible to work it out we now own a dog and she’s an inside dog.
But you’re jealousy of a dog is ridiculous. If you don’t want a dog in your space you should not be dating someone who owns a dog. Dogs are lifelong commitments you don’t just throw them away when any relationship comes along.
And he may have only been with his ex for 2 years but dogs form attachments just like children and you can’t just abandon them.
You’re basically asking him to abandon the dog and it won’t understand why it doesn’t get to see him and the other dog that it’s attached to anymore.
If you can’t handle sharing your space with a dog you should not be in a relationship with someone who owns a dog.
YTA for the ultimatum. You could definitely bring up that you feel like you shouldn’t be locked into this other dog’s schedule.
My friend, you not liking dogs or wanting them in your home is going to end your relationship the same way him wanting kids and the ex not wanting kids ended their relationship. You two are not compatible. YTA.
The dog was there before you. YTA.
You’re 100% going to stop having the dog in your home to get your way too. Can see that from a mile away. You can go. Go find someone who has the same jealous attitude that you do.
YTA. He’s looking after a dog so that it’s not left home alone all day. He isn’t with his ex because he lets a pet have company with his dog.
And I’m concerned about your comment regarding his own dog. You never want this dog he adores in your house; the man clearly loves dogs and is likely to want another when this one passes. What then?
YTA. You don’t get to have a say in how he chooses to obligate himself. If he wants to dog sit, it is his prerogative. If you want to leave because of this, that is yours. Forcing him to stop seems self serving only — not a good look.
I almost felt bad until you said he can’t stay because you don’t want a dog at your place. You need to clarify if you mean you’d move in with him eventually and if right now his dog is just a space related issue…. But judging by the way you phrase it; it sounds like you don’t want the dog in the future so how would that make you any better than his ex who didn’t want kids? Like the dog is here and now how’s a relationship going to grow if you don’t want the dog?
He fucking her. Because if you communicated that it bothers you what’s the problem with stopping ? She can pay for a pet sitting service. SMH.
Split custody over dogs is one of the worst things millenials and gen z ever came up with NTA
YTA Also, you and your boyfriend are incompatible. He’s a dog person; you are not.
YTA. My ex husband and I switch custody of our last lab every couple of weeks so we both get to spend time with her. We’ve done this ever since we separated years ago. We both love her dearly and want to spend time with her before she passes. Does this mean I have to see my ex more? Yes. Ugh. But does my love for our lab outweigh that ick? Yes, yes it does. You two aren’t even compatible, especially since it’s clear you resent HIS dog already.
YTA. He likes the dog, and his own dog probably enjoys the socialization.
Assuming there is nothing more to his relationship with the ex, and they keep a platonic friendship that is respectful of his current relationship, no harm done.
YTA you’ve been dating a few months and already trying to control him.
YTA pets are like family. You can’t just ask him to cut off family. Get over your insecurity. You either trust him or you don’t.
NTA. It’s an opportunity for him to cheat. Just end it he’s not going to stop. The dog is his foot in the door.
YTA
He clearly loves the dog. How is this putting you out when he already has a dog?
Yes. YTA. He has a dog. He has an existing relationship with that other dog and appreciates the time he spends with it. And he appears to be really a dog person, and you are not, long-term this looks like a conflict or recipe for resentment.
OP is NTA, but a lot of these comments are and need to grasp reading comprehension too.
Did nobody read the context of boyfriend and ex ending things…? That is complicated. For all the therapy lingo wanting to be dropped online, seems like understanding actual emotions is less…
OP not wanting the ex’s dog around IS understandable and doesn’t make her not a dog lover. It’s not separate. The fact that other humans don’t realize exes will use whatever to keep a hold is… odd. You stop being a “step” parent to the pet when the break up happens, you don’t use the pet to keep a hold in your exes life.
This should be word better though, the history with the ex is an issue, using the dog is an issue. He wanted kids… with the ex who didn’t, they still messed around while living together in a situationship… and it feels like he is using the dog as a surrogate for that.
Dog’s been in his life for iow long? How long they were together plus 2 years. He’s 10, so at least 4 years.
You, new gf, have been in his life for a … Few months?
You are allowed to have preferences for the amount of contact partners have with exes. You can then go find someone who shares those preferences and beliefs.
What you DON’T get to do is be a new gf and try to change his he lives bisnkfie, how he lives his dog, how he interacts with his exx. These are all established things in HIS life.
You can have preferences. Hhe doesn’t meet those. So then you walk away. You dont get to try to control or change his life.
YTA
YTA y’all are not compatible