I (24F) have been working at my company for over 2 years now. I’ve had a few flings but never got into anything serious. I just know deep down that commitment, marriage, and especially kids aren’t for me. Like… the idea of someone being in my space 24/7 and kids needing constant attention? Exhausting. But I don’t judge anyone who wants that, live your life. I just know what I want, and I’ve told my close work friends that a few times.
Problem is, in our culture, being single after 30 is seen as a red flag. People think if you’re not married or popping out babies, something’s wrong with you. So anytime I say I don’t want to get married or have kids, I get hit with “you’ll change your mind” or “you’ll regret it.”
Anyway, we were chilling near our desks when one coworker (dating a guy way younger and insecure af) said girls like me have “too high standards” and would end up alone. She even pointed to the single ladies (mid to late twenties) like it was a cautionary tale. I just laughed and said being single actually sounds peaceful. Then one of the dads chimed in like, “Okay but who’s gonna take care of you when you’re old?”
I said, “Having kids doesn’t guarantee that. There are cases where even a dozen kids can’t & won’t take care of their parents.”
He got smug and went, “Still better to be sure. You better start now”
So I replied, “Wait… are you raising your kid like a retirement plan? Like investing in an asset and expecting a return on the investment?” I said kids don’t owe their parents anything just because they were born. You chose to have them, not the other way around. Taking care of you should be love, not obligation.
And yeah… dead silence after that. Nervous chuckles. You know the vibe. I just laughed and went back to my seat.
I would’ve let it slide but this isn’t the first time they’ve made comments like that, like I’m living life wrong for not wanting what they want.
Later, I remembered what one of my friends said about most people in my workplace and in my country being conservative and “not ready” for my mindset. Sometimes I get too radical and I know that as well.
So now I’m wondering… AITA for being that blunt? Should I have stayed quiet and listened to their “life advice”?
TL;DR:
Coworkers kept judging me for being single and childfree. One asked who’ll take care of me when I’m old. I clapped back and asked if he’s raising his kid like a future caretaker-slash-ATM. Room went silent. AITA?
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/Cookiesandpastries:
I (24F) have been working at my company for over 2 years now. I’ve had a few flings but never got into anything serious. I just know deep down that commitment, marriage, and especially kids aren’t for me. Like… the idea of someone being in my space 24/7 and kids needing constant attention? Exhausting. But I don’t judge anyone who wants that, live your life. I just know what I want, and I’ve told my close work friends that a few times.
Problem is, in our culture, being single after 30 is seen as a red flag. People think if you’re not married or popping out babies, something’s wrong with you. So anytime I say I don’t want to get married or have kids, I get hit with “you’ll change your mind” or “you’ll regret it.”
Anyway, we were chilling near our desks when one coworker (dating a guy way younger and insecure af) said girls like me have “too high standards” and would end up alone. She even pointed to the single ladies (mid to late twenties) like it was a cautionary tale. I just laughed and said being single actually sounds peaceful. Then one of the dads chimed in like, “Okay but who’s gonna take care of you when you’re old?”
I said, “Having kids doesn’t guarantee that. There are cases where even a dozen kids can’t & won’t take care of their parents.”
He got smug and went, “Still better to be sure. You better start now”
So I replied, “Wait… are you raising your kid like a retirement plan? Like investing in an asset and expecting a return on the investment?” I said kids don’t owe their parents anything just because they were born. You chose to have them, not the other way around. Taking care of you should be love, not obligation.
And yeah… dead silence after that. Nervous chuckles. You know the vibe. I just laughed and went back to my seat.
I would’ve let it slide but this isn’t the first time they’ve made comments like that, like I’m living life wrong for not wanting what they want.
Later, I remembered what one of my friends said about most people in my workplace and in my country being conservative and “not ready” for my mindset. Sometimes I get too radical and I know that as well.
So now I’m wondering… AITA for being that blunt? Should I have stayed quiet and listened to their “life advice”?
TL;DR:
Coworkers kept judging me for being single and childfree. One asked who’ll take care of me when I’m old. I clapped back and asked if he’s raising his kid like a future caretaker-slash-ATM. Room went silent. AITA?
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NTA. I’d have loved to be there.
NTA. What you said is true. They could be in for a rude awakening when they get old.
NTA. You just stated the truth.
NTA
I was told by a family member to have a child so there would be someone to look after me in old age, I wish I’d had such a snappy comeback
Sometimes stubborn people like that need the blunt truth to slap them in the face. Nothing wrong with YOUR choice. Super NTA
You didn’t just speak truth to power, OP… you vaporized their whole entitled attitude with laser precision. Their silence afterwards tells us everything we need to know, they were the asshole for even making that remark in the first place.
Nursing Homes are full of people waiting for their kids to visit.
What you said is not radical, it is the truth. Parents who guilt trip their kids into being their retirement plan and force them to take care of them are the real AHs. These are people who should not be having kids.
A true parent raises kids to be independent, smart, proactive, successful and most importantly to be happy in life. They never guilt trip their kids to take care of them in their old age. I sincerely despise parents who go “but I gave birth to you” or “but we raised you”. These parents were the ones who did the deed and made the kids and should take responsibility for raising them right and not the kids responsibility to taking care of their parents. Also have kids if you can afford it.
I have two children. I do not see them as a retirement plan. Infact the only thing I hope is that we still see each other often and still get to make memories. That im involved in there lives in fun and good ways no matter if they choose to have children or not. If they stay single or are with someone. Doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that they are happy with who they are and their life.
You’re absolutely correct we choose to have children. We owe them love kindness and support. They dont owe us anything in return. If only more parents would see it that way. NTA.
NTA at all.
Get this, I lowkey sus that people like your co-workers (married, unsingle people, etc) need to believe that they’re in a BETTER position than singles simply because they chose the life they did (by having someone in their space 24/7 and kids, etc). It’s just too fucking difficult for them to reconcile that they could have made the wrong decision. So they need mock singles.
I wouldn’t really care about what they say during breaks etc because at the end of the day, I’m that much happier having ALL MY DISPOSABLE INCOME INVESTED WHERE I HAVE 100% CONTROL.
Once I’m married, 50% risk.
Once I have kids, wtf?? expenses (education, cancer, insurance, etc).
I want to travel when I want to with whoever I want whenever I feel like.
Just saying. =)
NTA
NTA. Having kids is a big commitment and not everyone has that instinct. If people are going to constantly badger you about it then you’re totally justified in pushing back.
Not remotely TA. You are absolutely spot on in what you said. Literally every word of it. If your coworkers are shocked and appalled by that, just imagine how they’ll feel when they hit 75 and there’s no ROI for them…
I hate those people that have kids just expecting they will have a caregiver when they are older.
When in reality, most of THOSE parents do the bare minimum for their kids and expect the best care later in life.
NTA
You shut down a discussion that never should have happened in the first place.
If anybody says anything just them mention that the discussion of relationships and children is inappropriate chat at the workplace.
” Going forward, I would prefer you leave my personal life out of your workplace discussions and focus on what we are doing here at the workplace, otherwise I might have to have a chat with HR”
They better make sure they have an heir and a spare.
Heir might not fulfill their requirements lol.
Your personal life is NONE of their business! They are just people you work with not really friends, so they don’t get a say in how you live your life. NTAH! UpDateMe
NTA and that is funny.
People have kids for all kinds of reasons and if it’s to have your children take care of you like YOU’RE the child you’re a POS failure, should not have had kids
NTA. If you are, then so am I. I’ve had that exact convo before to many coworkers. I’m married, but we don’t want kids. Why do people feel the need to push the fact that “kids are the answer to life’s mysteries” on others?? You did good here! You are so right, btw. Having kids does not a retirement plan make. Lol
NTA, 57m, never married, no kids. The loneliness I feel comes from there being way more of ‘them’ and not enough of ‘you’, not from lack of progeny. I feel your perspective 💯. Just remember that misery looooves company, and they DESPISE your freedom & agency.
NTA
But, moving forward, every time they say “children”, perhaps correct them buy interjecting with “<Smug colleague’s> retirement contingency plan.”
Do this over and over, until the topic is dropped.
NTA but why waste your time engaging in this conversation?
ESH – you are young so it’s wild to me that marriage or kids would cross anyone’s mind at that age but again, to each their own, people get married young in some countries. I am 44 and childfree so I get the comments but it’s pointless to even engage in a conversation about it. I NEVER give an opinion on my relationship status or the fact that I never wanted kids. It’s a topic I would never discuss with anyone . It’s pointless discussing it with people as they will 100% give you those comments, the ones you will get mad at. If you talk about it, you’ll just end up feeling angry AND it’s not appropriate for the workplace, tell people to mind their own business or don’t engage.
NTA they are being boring bullies who deserve to have their hypocrisy exposed
You debate is so spot on!!! Well done OP!
NTA. I am much older than you, but I have faced these comments and this judgment. Your life is yours, and society doesn’t get to dictate how you live it. I didn’t want to end up alone and childless. The comments I got hurt me deeply. The fact is your comment was a RESPONSE to an inappropriate comment in the workplace. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself.