I cannot believe I’m asking about this, I feel like I’m going insane.
My dad has always had this (weird to me) thing with smacking butts, so did his dad (my gramps) and alot of my family members on his side (aunts/cousins) see this as normal sign of affection.
Let me be clear it is in no way sexual. He means it more like a small boy hitting a butt because its funny or itll get a reaction out of it, or even like sports dudes and their “good job” butt smack. (My dad is a hockey guy) except my dad goes for jet propelled trajectory ass slaps. I mean like he has launched my mom a bit when he put his full effort into it (shes 5’4 and like 110lbs) She doesnt hate it but it does annoy her.
When I was about 14 I asked my dad to stop because I didnt like it, it made me uncomfortable and I felt like I couldnt walk around the house without worrying about getting friggen launched. He reluctantly stopped and has been good.
I have a LO (2.5) and every so often my dad make a passing comment about “smackin” their butt. NOT IN A DISCIPLINARY WAY. Just a playful smackin them around horseplay way. I told him word for word that his display of affection is weird and to keep his hands to himself. Hes more than welcome to wrestle or engage in horseplay with my LO but he is not allowed to do “the butt smack thing” that he subjected me to. He looked at me like I stabbed him and called him a horrible person. He said he never abused me and he wasn’t going to abuse my LO. I said I never said he did, but his display of affection made me uncomfortable and I want him to find a better way to express it rather than launching us around by the arse.
My mom said I could have been nicer about it but I didnt feel like it was mean.
So like.. AITA? Is it not fucking weird to smack your wife/kids asses all the time?
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I cannot believe I’m asking about this, I feel like I’m going insane.
Let me be clear it is in no way sexual. He means it more like a small boy hitting a butt because its funny or itll get a reaction out of it, or even like sports dudes and their “good job” butt smack. (My dad is a hockey guy) except my dad goes for jet propelled trajectory ass slaps. I mean like he has launched my mom a bit when he put his full effort into it (shes 5’4 and like 110lbs) She doesnt hate it but it does annoy her.
When I was about 14 I asked my dad to stop because I didnt like it, it made me uncomfortable and I felt like I couldnt walk around the house without worrying about getting friggen launched. He reluctantly stopped and has been good.
I have a LO (2.5) and every so often my dad make a passing comment about “smackin” their butt. NOT IN A DISCIPLINARY WAY. Just a playful smackin them around horseplay way. I told him word for word that his display of affection is weird and to keep his hands to himself. Hes more than welcome to wrestle or engage in horseplay with my LO but he is not allowed to do “the butt smack thing” that he subjected me to. He looked at me like I stabbed him and called him a horrible person. He said he never abused me and he wasn’t going to abuse my LO. I said I never said he did, but his display of affection made me uncomfortable and I want him to find a better way to express it rather than launching us around by the arse.
My mom said I could have been nicer about it but I didnt feel like it was mean.
So like.. AITA? Is it not fucking weird to smack your wife/kids asses all the time?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my dad his display of affection is weird and to keep his hands to himself with my LO
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, and wtf? I thought we’d be getting out of this weird behaviour with boomers aging out but I’m guessing your dad is like gen X and still on this kind of stuff?
Ugh, how tedious that you have been made to feel like the weird sensitive one because you don’t like getting slapped on the ass regularly and you’d rather your kid not either.
NTA. You set a clear boundary about something that made you uncomfortable, and now you’re doing the same for your child. It doesn’t matter if your dad sees it as harmless—if it bothers you, he needs to respect that. His overreaction is on him, not you.
BING!!
Maybe go back to him and say that u r sorry if he took offense to it but what you said does not change.
No means no. Not everyone enjoys that type of affection. Please try to understand we can move past this without making it a big thing.
NTA
If my child was butt launched because Dad likes expressing hinself that way my reaction would be to butt launch him but whoops missing and hitting his face by accident.
It made you uncomfortable but your Dad continued with his sick ritual, so he feels horrible, good, make sure he keeps his hands off your kid.
NTA.
For the record, never ever assume that a man’s fixation on touching, smacking or groping body parts isn’t sexual.
On the contrary, if confronted, men will deny that they get a charge out of it even while defending their “right” to continue and acting like petulant toddlers when denied.
Make of that what you will. I’ve made up my mind.
Haha oh man, my family did the butt smack thing for years too. It drove me nuts, as I’m easily startled.
You know what finally stopped them? My younger cousin was in her first corporate job after university, and almost smacked her boss’s ass out of habit. Suddenly, our familyrealized that their playful habit could have cost my cousin her job, and they finally started curbing that habit.
NTA and I just want to point out a concern here that seem to have been missed here: even if we assume that your father’s behaviour is genuinely innocent, if he does it to your child, A, that child is likely to mention it to a teacher or other mandated reporter and have the situation misunderstood and result in a report to child services, or B, your child might imitate that behaviour by slapping another child or even an adult on the butt, which could be misinterpreted or even, depending on the circumstances, result on child services or even police involvement, or get your child removed from their school.
NTA. My dad’s “thing” was tickling. My sister liked it, but I HATED it. When I was 12, I yelled at him to stop. He was furious and dumped me in a bathtub full of cold water. Fortunately, that was the end of it, but my trust in him was pretty much destroyed.
NTA
My dad used to do it too. It was all fun when we were little kids but he didn’t stop when we became teenagers. It was really hard to get him to stop. I remember especially my brother being furious about it when he was like 12-14 and dad would still smack his butt.
Fortunately he finally stopped but every time we told him to stop, he would be just hurt.
And he still sometimes refuses to acknowledge that his kids are adults now and acts hurt when we don’t let him treat us like kids one way or another.
I know he has good intentions and he loves us but he has to learn the boundary the hard way.
And same for your dad.
NTA. It doesn’t matter his intentions. You said you don’t like your kid being touched in that way and he needs to stop.
nta
When it’s unfunny and cruel it’s not a prank, it’s just bullying
NTA. When riding in a car with my dad, he would put his hand on my leg. Sometimes he would quickly smack my leg to teach me to either move my leg or push away his hand so I would do the same with any future dates. This post brought those memories up.
He would also pop toes or he would grab a toe and press his nail on the underside while making some weird ass noise. All of it was supposed to be him being playful and affectionate, but now I’m jumpy any time someone goes to touch my feet.
NTA. More people should get called out for inappropriate “signs of affection.”
INFO: what the heck does LO mean?
What is an LO?
What is LO?