I, 17 and my brother, 15, live alone with my dad after my mom passed from cancer 5 months ago. I have struggled with my mental health since before that and require some assistance with everyday life. Recently, my dad got in a relationship with my mom’s former best friend and he has been spending increasingly more time with her and away from home. Dad is almost never home, doesn’t cook and my brother and i take care of cleaning and laundry, though our grandparents help sometimes. There’s barely any food at home besides frozen pizza and i often lack the energy to cook myself or provide for my brother, who is vegan and often insists he can’t take care of everything but since he is 15 and still in school i can’t help but worry.
My dad says that he doesn’t want to be home if my brother and I don’t want to spend much time with him because he doesn’t want to be lonely. He also says that he wants to be there for his new partner since she also struggles with her mental health.
So today I confronted him, asking him to cook or spend evenings at home at least twice a week or so. He responded with saying there’s nothing for him to do at home.
Now I am conflicted because I told him that when he decided to raise my brother and I, he made himself responsible for us and should take care of at least my brother to which he said that it isn’t his job to stay home and be lonely just so a parent is in the house. We argued and got increasingly frustrated until i left.
I now somehow feel like an ass for telling him what he can and can’t do with his partner and asking him to be lonely here, while also still believing I’m not completely wrong in this.
Am I being too disrespectful?
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I, 17 and my brother, 15, live alone with my dad after my mom passed from cancer 5 months ago. I have struggled with my mental health since before that and require some assistance with everyday life. Recently, my dad got in a relationship with my mom’s former best friend and he has been spending increasingly more time with her and away from home. Dad is almost never home, doesn’t cook and my brother and i take care of cleaning and laundry, though our grandparents help sometimes. There’s barely any food at home besides frozen pizza and i often lack the energy to cook myself or provide for my brother, who is vegan and often insists he can’t take care of everything but since he is 15 and still in school i can’t help but worry.
My dad says that he doesn’t want to be home if my brother and I don’t want to spend much time with him because he doesn’t want to be lonely. He also says that he wants to be there for his new partner since she also struggles with her mental health.
So today I confronted him, asking him to cook or spend evenings at home at least twice a week or so. He responded with saying there’s nothing for him to do at home.
Now I am conflicted because I told him that when he decided to raise my brother and I, he made himself responsible for us and should take care of at least my brother to which he said that it isn’t his job to stay home and be lonely just so a parent is in the house. We argued and got increasingly frustrated until i left.
I now somehow feel like an ass for telling him what he can and can’t do with his partner and asking him to be lonely here, while also still believing I’m not completely wrong in this.
Am I being too disrespectful?
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> I i might be an asshole for disrespecting my dad’s need for company and i would like judgement on my decision to confront him and on my statement that he is responsible for me and my brother.
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NTA
What you said to him is the truth and he’s not being a very good father. I’m so sorry that you lost your mom so young, and even more sorry your dad isn’t supporting you the way a father should. Your requests aren’t unreasonable. I hope he figures that out soon.
Oh wow
NTA. This is very rough, and I’m sorry for your loss. Your dad’s dropping the ball big time, and you guys shouldn’t have to pay the penalty.
There may be services such as Meals on Wheels that you can access due to having lost a parent, even with one still living and in the home with you, that could help solve some of the immediate problems. You should try reaching out to a guidance counselor at school or social services to see if they have a list of short-term assistance referrals, or if they can assign a case-worker to help you navigate any benefits you should be receiving but aren’t.
NTA. You are absolutely right! He is responsible for taking care of you and your brother. It is not unreasonable to ask him to do what he should already be doing
Info: Is he gone overnight? If so how often? How many nights a week on average is he there in the evenings? Is he there in the mornings to help with breakfast and such? How do you and your brother get to school? Do you go more than a day at a time without seeing him? Do you grandparents stay with you and your brother?
You may consider reaching out to CPS so they can explain to him his responsibilities and enforce his compliance. There are also a ton of programs for late teen children who spend even one day in foster that will help you entering adulthood since your dad seems like a deadbeat.
Your dad is a massive A. Everyone in your family is grieving, but what makes him so special? His way of dealing with it is to chase some tail instead of manning up and taking responsibility for his kids. Talk to your grandparents about moving in with them or talk to your high school counsellor and see what resources there are. You are not an ass for telling your dad off. He deserved every bit of that and I hope he will be super lonely.
NTA
When he says there’s nothing to do at home, say one of the below:
you could try parenting your children. I’ve heard it’s a pretty involved job.
we are not your roommates, we are your underage children who need more from you than just ‘an adult in the house.’
did you mean to say nothing or no-one to do? Is getting laid the only thing in your mind?
hey, we could go to the grocery store so there is food in the house to feed your minor children.
we ALL can learn to cook some amazing food for all of us.
you can TALK to your kids. Ask us about our day and we will ask about yours.
you have a 15 yr old SON who needs some interaction from his father. What kind of example of manhood are you?
I am not your maid, wife, chef etc. What do you do to help maintain this home other than paying rent and utilities? You dont ensure your children have food. You don’t ensure your children are safe in the home.
NTA
Holy shit, dude. I am so sorry. You need to reach out to family and let them know what’s going on. Your father’s behavior is unacceptable. It’s one thing to be hurting but you are his children. It’s okay to feel for him, but he should be stepping up for you instead of banging your mom’s friend when she’s barely in the fucking ground.
I’m sorry for being so blunt, but you don’t deserve this. Call CPS if you have to.
NTA
You need to make some calls and talk to an adult who will intervene on your behalf. You and your brothers are minors. What your father is doing is neglect.
If there is a counsellor or a teacher you trust at school please reach out to them and be honest.
You will not be in any trouble. You and your brother have had a terrible loss, which I’m so sorry to hear about and you deserve support and people rallying behind you while you grieve.
NTA. You were 100pct right to ask your father to be there for you. He’s your PARENT, for crying out loud. Your family has suffered a terrible loss, not just him.
If your father is complaining about feeling lonely at home, maybe plan some together time those evenings. Watch TV together, play board games, go walking, that sort of thing.
NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your dad is being an inconsiderate idiot. If I were you I would phone CPS and tell them what’s been happening. Doing so will force your dad to stay in the home for once and take care of the underage kids he helped create.
NTA. I’m so sorry. Aunts, uncles, grandparents. All need to be involved.
I’m sorry, but what your father is doing is child neglect I would talk to your school and see what can be done about it because he can’t just abandon you because he’s lonely. That’s a poor excuse. He has two children at home. He just lost his wife and he’s already jumping into another relationship and not even grieving. He needs to be accountable for his actions and stop being selfish and needs to provide better food for your kids because you need nutrients love and care. He’s abandoning you and that’s illegal.
Tell a teacher or school counselor that your father is leaving you and your brother alone most of the time with little or no food. It’s his job to care for his minor children. NTA
> to which he said that it isn’t his job to stay home and be lonely just so a parent is in the house
Yes. Yes it is. It is LITERALLY his job. He’s the parent. I’m sorry your dad is utterly failing you as a parent. If you have any other adults you can go to for help, it’s time to do that. NTA
Your dad is an AH. I am sure he is in a depression but…he needs to deal with it. He can’t abandon you guys. Call your grandparents or other relatives to see if you can get some help from them.
NTA in the slightest
Friend, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. The loss of your mother and the neglect of your father. He is totally, utterly in the wrong here. You are his legal responsibility. And beyond that, he should be helping you two with your loss plus all the day to day stuff of parenthood. His reasons for not doing so are appalling.
This is one of the posts where I hope OP takes to heart all the people saying they’re not the asshole. I’m sad that you even think there’s a chance you’re an asshole at all.
NTA. it’s hard to say and accept, but he gave up on being your dad when your mother died. likely because of grief, but that doesn’t change the facts. he has chosen to run and hide from his obligations. odds are you aren’t going to get any help, so it’s gonna be hard. honestly, you should talk to your mom’s former best friend and try to reason with her.
Please tell someone at your school about this.
Call CPS on him.
NTA, have him listen to Cat’s in the Cradle and tell him to expect that in his future.
Hell no. NTA, your dad is hurting too, but he really needs to get his priorities straight.
So sorry for your loss. Let your grandparents know what’s happening, with any luck they’ll set him straight. Right now you guys need him more than ever.
NTA, and please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother.
You’ve every right to ask your father to step up and DO his job as a parent. You’re his child, and he should be making you, and your brother a priority.
And this is the sucky part:
Your dad is a widower, and a flawed human being. He’s using the excuse of a “relationship” to escape his grief. He’s not going to change his mind.
It’s not fair, to you, or your brother, to be neglected this way, and as much as I hate to suggest it, you may want to see if anyone else in your family can back you up. You mentioned grandparents. Are they able to take you and your brother in until you both turn 18?
If you are in the U.S., your Dad is receiving social security funds from the government to take care of you until you are 18. This money should be used to purchase essentials such as food. It would be good to ask Dear ol Dad what he is doing with the money. He is dropping the ball and this is disgraceful behavior.
Nta you told him the truth
NTA. Call cps and get a social worker involved. He may be grieving but it’s still his job to take care of you and your brother.
Not at all. Your dad is supposed to take care of of you. That’s his job. Can you talk to your mother’s former BF and ask for her help?
NTA, I’m so sorry for your loss! Your dad is lost right now , so I suggest you talk to your older family members and see if you can see them more and get some support from them. Build up your friendships. It may help you grieve to do the things that would make your mom happy and proud, including building your life skills such as cooking. I say this cause I’d like to think if I passed, my son would know I would want him to be happy, healthy and strong and could feel me cheering him on.
NTA
Your dad’s priority shouldn’t be his sex needs, but you and your brother. Taking care of his children is his legal obligation, and leaving you two without supervision and without food for days is neglectful and abusive. Hope you have a safe adult you can trust with this situation, how about your grandparents?
NTA. He is being neglectful AND he is guilt tripping you. Are you and your brother getting your regular doctors and dental visits ? Is there food for you and is someone doing some housekeeping ? Or he neglecting those duties as a parent also ? Tell a school counselor and do it this week because there is only a couple of more months of school left and then you will off for the summer.
I’m angry for you. Your dad is responsible for his underage children and there is plenty for him to do, like parenting for instance, which involves providing meals, laundry, cleaning, and meaningful interaction with his children. I get the impression that your mother used to do all that and your dad’s clueless. He needs to step up to his responsibilities. He can still have his gf but his kids should come first. If she really was your mom’s friend she should be encouraging him to do that. They both sound quite selfish.
It is exactly the father’s f*cking job to step up and be a parent to his grieving children. How dare he abdicate that responsibility? And just so HE won’t be lonely?!?
NTA but dad sure is!
Did your mum have any friends who you consider "aunties" or "uncles"? I know that if any of my friends kiddos were in this situation I would have them at my house so freakin quickly, even if all that could mean is for meals. I know it can seem awkward to reach out to adults for help, but if there’s anyone in your/your mums lives that you know has always been a constant, please reach out to them.
NTA There is nothing disrespectful about reminding him of his responsibilities. It’s disrespectful of him to say there is nothing to do at home when he has two children to raise. I suspect he is one of those dads who thinks raising children is a woman’s job. He may be hoping if he can make this new relationship work, she may become a mother figure to you and he would not have to worry about raising you both. The problem is that there is not much you can do to get him on track. The best you can do is look out for yourself and your brother. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from any and all resources you might have available to you.
Im so sorry for your loss. It’s not fair and it truly sucks that your dad is failing you so hard.
If in the U.S. you need to file for social security benefits today, if you haven’t already! (Ssa.gov) You AND your brother are entitled to half of your mother’s accrued benefits until you are 18 (19 if you’re still in high school) this could be food money.
Can you move in with your grandparents? Are they close enough?
Nta. Your dad is using his grief as an excuse for his selfishness and neglecting his children. Make sure he hasnt stolen the benefits you and your brother are entitled to and don’t be afraid to let your other family know your dad has abandoned you while he takes up with that garden tool.
Having flashbacks of me explaining to my father, he needed to man up and be a father to my younger sister when I was 14. So shameful even more so that the insight and scolding of a child led to him changing his behavior.
Absolutely NOT being disrespectful! Your father is being disrespectful. I’m so very sorry that you are shouldering this truly, emotional and physical burden…..I pray that you’d be able to find someone, any possible resource for you and your brother…..possibly a guidance counsellor at your school or even phone helplines. I use them if I’m really struggling and they do help with offering resources that I didn’t know were available……once again, sorry you are going through this….internet mum hug to you 🤗
Not the a-hole , a.you’re both so young,and i’m so sorry for your loss,i cant even imagine what you’re going through so i wont even pretend to know,you shouldn’t even need to be asking,he should be stepping up immediately, b.as a 41 year old daughter and as a mother of a 23 year old a 20 year old and a nan of a 2 year old ,being a parent is a lifetime position ,it ends when you do, i tell my 20 year old it is not and never will be his job to look after me,it will always be my job to look after him because i chose to have him,he didnt get to choose.
It is his job to be an actual parent and he should be prioritizing you guys you just lost your mother and he prioritizing a woman saying her mental health is bad well too bad you both are in a bad spot he needs to be there and grow the hell up. That is what a parent does and you are NTA
NTA in so many ways.
Op, I’m sorry about your mum passing. You and your brother are so young to have lost her and now, seemingly your father as well.
You both are still children and you deserve support emotionally and financially and leaving you home every day without food or resources is actually criminal.
Now the next part I apologize for saying but it should be pointed out; his relationship with your mum’s best friend so soon after her death is appalling. The fact that both of them see no issue with essentially abandoning you and your brother is vile. I can’t imagine what your mum would think knowing this is how you’re being treated.
Please speak to your grandparents about this. See if they can get through to him or if you can stay with them temporarily or permanently until he get adequate mental help. I don’t want to jump to suggesting CPS, but that is an option.
https://lasagnalove.org
Request a meal in the meantime for when you and your brother need something to forward to, a nice home cooked meal at least is better than frozen pizza
NTA, your dad needs to step up
NTA 10000%. This is child neglect. Even if you’re both teens you’re still minors. Get CPS involved or atleast tell teachers you know at school ASAP.
Nta. I’m sorry for this. Your dad is not doing the right thing at all. He should act like an adult and learn how to take care his kids.
NTA
Please call your grandparents and tell them exactly what is going on, tell any relative that will listen. They probably don’t know or would even imagine that your ‘dad’ is gone as often as he is. Your dad and your mum’s former friend are betraying your mum’s memory. Are you in the US or Canada?
NTA. He should still be parenting, not demanding that you entertain him at home.
I am so sorry for your loss.
He’s decided to have fun. I am also a single dad with a 15 yr old daughter and 20 yr old son. They are my priority, not p*ssy. When you have your children who need your moral/emotional/ physical support, why take responsibility of another adult????
It is hard to cook, clean, drive kids , shop, deal with family issues after a long day of work but that’s what parents do.
NTA.
> it isn’t his job to stay home and be lonely just so a parent is in the house.
Yes. It is. That is the job he signed up to on becoming a parent, and that is now a job he has to do double of, not none of.
You are his children, not his buddies. You are not there to entertain him. His loneliness is not your fault or your problem.
I understand that he’s suffering after losing his wife, but you lost your mother, and now you’ve lost your father not to cancer but to abandonment – wilful abandonment, by choice, by a grown adult who has a responsibility towards you and your brother but simply does not want to.
NTA – my condolences. This is a terrible situation and although I am sure he is grieving too, the bottom line is your father is failing you and your brother.
Perhaps check in with a school counselor for suggestions and services.
Take care.
Nta. Dad only cares about his little Willy and not you guys. Sorry. You are not disrespectful. Your dad is just a loser
I agree with many of the commenters, seek help at school from counselors and also from extended family members, aunts/uncles. Also reach out to NACG- National Alliance for Children’s Grief if you are in the US, they can connect you to local resources for assistance and grief support.
Nta- contact CPS, reach out to social worker or a counsellor tell them your story … or if nothing else shame your father into acting like a parent not a love struck puppy..
You’re not being disrespectful enough. NTA He’s completely dropping the ball. Can you talk to your grandparents and/or other family?
NTA, sorry for your loss. But it is HIS responsibility to take care of his children whether he is bored or not. You guys lost your mother and he should want to be there for you guys no matter what. I’m sorry you are going through this!
What do you know of the woman he’s dating? Would talking to her about how you’re feeling, asking her to talk to him, maybe asking her to come over and keep him in the house?
It does feel very fast. Grief can make people act in selfish ways, so who knows, but consider this may not be a temporary thing. Though I hope he’d come to his senses (even if he does, that doesn’t mean you forgive him this lapse), he may not.
Do you have a teacher or counselor at school you could reach out to? What about parents of any friends? Or your brother’s friends? Neighbors? Any other extended family?
See if you can find important documents for you and your brother. Birth certificate, SSN, etc. Maybe see if you can find your mother’s as well. Perhaps even a copy of her death certificate. You may need these in order to apply for certain services. It might also be good to have them just in case, your father tries to hold them hostage to prevent you from applying to college or moving out.
Your dad is a huge AH. It’s not only him who lost someone.
I’m so sorry OP. Your dad isn’t grieving properly and seeking solace elsewhere. Your mom’s best friend and your dad should be working together to ensure you and your brother are cared for. Yes, he does have things to do at home – like foster a relationship with his children.
You need to find some adults that can help. Services, aid. Talk to as many people as you can until someone actually provides you with support. He lost his wife, but you lost your mother.
It’s only been 5 months. You should all be supporting each other.
NTA. I could understand your father wanting to not be lonely and wanting to love a woman, but it is his responsibility to help his boys.
If he doesn’t want to take care of you and help you, he needs to give up custody to your grandparents. He also needs to know he wasn’t the only one who suffered.
ESH why can’t you cook for yourselves ?
Is there no food in the house ?
I’m so sorry. Your dad has dropped the ball completely. It’s his responsibility to raise his children, to provide food and shelter and parental guidance, yet he claims this isn’t his job. Well yes, it is his job, both morally and legally.
I’m wondering if you have grandparents or uncles and aunts with whom you and your brother could stay. If so, I hope you’ll contact them and speak honestly about what’s going on at home. It would not be disrespectful to do this.
The next line of defense would be child protective services, but it would be far better if there’s a relative who can keep the two of you together and out of the system.
It’s not disrespectful to ask a parent to fulfill the most basic parental responsibilities. He could lose custody of his children and be sited for neglect if he doesn’t step up. And wanting to "be there" for a new partner is no excuse.
NTA
YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO ASK!! How selfish of your father and the new girlfriend.
WTF, that’s literally his job as a parent. What a shitty excuse tbh. I am so sorry OP and of course NTA
NTA–you should tell your counselor at school or speak to your grandparents about how your dad is abandoning you and your brother. Per the law he has to provide for your both until you are 18. He needs to get it together
NTA. Can you live with your grandparents? Or an aunt or uncle? Tell your father he has orphaned you.
NTA. This is just sad. I’m so sorry for you and your brother’s loss. Life shouldn’t be this bad. I hope that yours gets better.
NTA. It IS his job to be home, and be a parent. 7 days a week.
NTA- sorry to hear about your mom. How are you doing? You need to get help before you can help others. Can you talk to someone at school? Do you have plans for when you turn 18? You’re trying to do a lot. Any family members that you can talk to? They may not know what’s going on.
You are being neglected. Neglect is abuse. You should tell a teacher that your father isn’t feeding you or taking care of you and your brother. He’ll get mad, but this isn’t healthy or safe for you. NTA
NAH.
I can understand he doesn’t want to be in house that reminds him in your mother, of what he lost. However he hasn’t lost his children who still need a parent.
I’m struggling to put into words how angry this is making me, he needs to understand that boredom isn’t a reason to abandon what’s left of his family. Children are a lifelong responsibility, fair enough you can feed, dress yourselves, but legally that’s it.
Tell him that if he doesn’t want to be a father and live in the house with his DEPENDANT children he can sign it over to you and your brother.
OP.. You need to discuss this with your school counselors. Your father is essentially abandoning you and your brother for BS reasons. You are his responsibility.
My mom died when I was in HS. I was never close with my dad but it was 10x worse after she died. My dad was just like your dad. Never home. Always working, or out with friends, or doing something. Even when he was home, he didn’t know how to be a parent. He was more of a roommate. It got to the point one of my older sisters had to move back home because he wasn’t doing anything really to help me and I was really struggling with my mental health at the time. My dad never improved or in my eyes even really tried. After that, my relationship with him imploded. I don’t text or call him. I only see him at family holidays. He never reaches out to unless he needs/wants something from me which just infuriates me. I can’t tell you the last time my dad called or texted or communicated in any way to see what was going on in my life or how I was doing. THe only time he ever says anything is when we are at a family event with other family members present and he always uses those times to come at me and ask why we don’t have a relationship to try and get sympathy from everyone. Typical narcissist move. While he is my dad and I love him to an extent, I have given up trying to have any reltionship with the man. I got tired of trying and not having it reciprocated. My life has been better for it. Sucks for you though in the moment.
When you are a parent, you do everything you can for your kids, even through grief. You don’t get to say “I guess you are on your own now! I’m going to live my own life!”
NTA
Dad may have lost his partner but you and brother lost your mom. Dad has abdicated his role as dad.
I think you should ask your grandparents if you and bro can move in with them.
And I’m so very sorry for your loss.
NTA. Turn him into cps if in the states. Your Kom passed away. He’s being incredibly selfish. If in tge US he’s also probably getting money from social security for you each month. That money should be handled by who’s in charge which is not your dad.
"My dad says that he doesn’t want to be home if my brother and I don’t want to spend much time with him because he doesn’t want to be lonely."
Well that sucks but he’s got to suck it up because he has 2 minor children that are his responsibility to take care of. You should be more important than his new partner or his feelings.
"he said that it isn’t his job to stay home and be lonely just so a parent is in the house."
Yeah it specifically is.
NTA for asking your dad to be a parent.
NTA "There’s nothing for me to do at home" – how about spending time with your grieving, struggling kids and taking care of them. Your dad is a selfish, lazy asshole.
NTA
One of the top comments has a lawyer saying calling CPS to enforce his duties as a parent is a good call and I agree. He is your parent it is literally his job to be present for his children and provide for them. He isn’t even stocking the pantry with food. You guys are being slowly abandoned
NTA and I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 17 as well and over 20 years later it’s still one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through.
I’m going to put it out there that your dad is likely struggling as well. That does not excuse his lack of care for you and your brother but it sounds like he’s looking for distraction from his feelings. My dad still tells me one of his biggest regrets is not getting me and my brothers into therapy after our mom died. Therapy could really help your family through such a difficult time. Even if your father won’t go, it’s worth asking him to look into this for you and your brother.
Sending you love and healing energy ♥️
NTA. Speak to a safe adult, like a school teacher. Tell them what is happening. Your Dad is legally responsible for caring for you and your brother. He does not get to get bored or lonely.
Is there another relative that would take you in if you ask?
You do not have do take care of you and your brother on your own, especially when you are both grieving and struggling. Speak to a teacher, and ask them to help you. They will get you the help you need, which may be from an adult that is not your Dad, as it does not sound like your Dad is willing to parent you. Good luck.
NTA. First, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. My sincere condolences. You are in no way being disrespectful. Your father is burying his grief by staying away from home and jumping into a new relationship. Frankly, your mom’s former best friend does not sound like much of a friend because she is contributing to your and your brother’s abandonment. Please tell your grandparents the extent of what’s going on. Tell them about your father’s extended absence, lack of food, support, all of it. There is no amount of grief that your father is experiencing that justifies his complete lack of care or interest in his children. It’s cowardly, and blatantly wrong. I’m so sorry you’re going through this added trauma. Speak to guidance at school so you have an outlet for your grief and a compassionate person to talk to.
NTA tell dad that you will be calling CPS yourself next time he’s out of the house without at least feeding you and your brother, he has a legal obligation to do so
NTA. Your dad says he doesn’t have anything to do? How about being a fucking parent? Sorry you have such a shitty sperm donor. And please let him see my comment because I’d love to say this to his face.
NTA. Your dad’s an asshole who’d rather get his dick wet than parent his grieving children. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but he’s unlikely to change. And his partner, your mom’s friend is equally to blame.
Can your grandparents knock some sense into him?
This makes my heart hurt.
Dad: Probably did some of his grieving well before his wife’s death. Clearly bonded with her best friend. I don’t blame him for this, the first part is normal, the second happens.
That said, him saying "there’s nothing to do at home." Um, what? There’s housekeeping, feeding your children, being near your children. Is he mad that you aren’t…entertaining enough?
I mean, I can guarantee that, even in a new relationship (and at their age), they aren’t having sex for 5 hours at a time. So, the same thing he’s doing with her, he could probably do with his own kids. (Which may be, y’know, watching TV?)
Or he could try to do things -with- his kids. Boardgames exist. Watching TV with your kids exist.
I think he feels overwhelmed and that’s fair. But, he’s the grown up and needs to deal with it. Get some therapy (for all of you. Two of you lost a mother to cancer.)
NTA
NTA in the slightest. You and your brother are still both kids and your Dad’s responsibility. At the MINIUM your dad should be providing food, shelter, & clothes for you. You are still in the mourning phase for your mother so it makes sense you are depressed. He’s off dating the best friend already and ignoring you which is awful! And I’m a bit suspicious if they weren’t already dating while your mom was dying of Cancer. It’s an unfortunate truth that a lot of men just "can’t be single" after a breakup or becoming a widower. He easily could help prep meals for you and your sibling for the week on say a Sunday if he’s going to be gone most of the week. He needs to do that AND stock the fridge for you and your brother. OR give you at least $200 a week so that you can get groceries yourself or use a grocery delivery service. Also why can’t the new girlfriend spend half of the week at your home? If she was there at least half the week your dad could cook for you. It’s sad that he’s putting his new relationship above his own children.
NTA Not only does your father have a moral obligation to his children, he also has a legal one. He’s the adult, he needs to figure out how to balance his life in a way that doesn’t involve him deserting his children. At the bare minimum nutritious groceries in the house and regular check-ins. He might be less lonely if he bothered to spend time with his kids, but honestly the loneliness just sounds like an excuse.
So what I’m getting is you’ve lost both parents. You’re NTA. Your dad needs to pull his head out of his rectum and be a parent. Please. For your sake and your siblings tell a teacher, maybe a visit from CPS will remind him where his priorities should reside. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. Thank you for doing what you can to help your sibling and yourself.
"I told him that when he decided to raise my brother and I, he made himself responsible for us and should take care of at least my brother to which he said that it isn’t his job to stay home and be lonely just so a parent is in the house." yes, actually, that is his job and you are 100% correct. why can’t his partner come over and that way everyone spend time together? or is this just about him getting laid? NTA and I’m so sorry you’re going through this
NTA
My wife passed away a little over 2 years ago and left me as a single father of 2 kids, 2 of them 2 year old twins
It was rough the first few months, but I had my brother to help me out and allowed me to breathe a little since he was around to help (twins were 6 months when it happened).
I would go out maybe once or twice a month for a few hours, but the thought of abandoning my kids like your father has, no matter how lonely ive gotten, never crossed my mind
It sucks this has fallen on your shoulders, but hopefully he will get his out of his ass and see the damage he’s done and get back to being involved with you and your brother.
Not knowing how long your parents were together before your mom passed, but when she passed, it left a big emotional and physical hole in his mind that he’s trying to fill with that woman instead of healing with you and your brother.
Have you brought up grief counseling for him to try of group grief counseling?
tell a teacher so they can report your dad. he may be sad about your mom but that doesn’t make him not an absolute AH
NTA it quite literally is his job to stay home and be lonely if his children need him.
NTA: I am so very sorry for you and your brother loss. Your dad is really dropping the ball you are his responsibility. Please try talking to your counsel at school or try going to a food bank or maybe a church can help you. Prayers and hugs. Please update.