Me (17m) and my sister (19f) lost our mom when we were 7 and 9. Our dad remarried when we were 12 and 14. His wife’s not our favorite person, but our dad loves her so we tolerate her the best we can. It’s not always easy and we keep her out of certain things like our social media profiles because there’s stuff we post there that isn’t for her. Last year she found a way to cyber stalk my sister on Insta. She got mad that my sister has posted for mom’s anniversary both years but not her (dad’s wife’s) birthday which is the same day.
Actually she was really angry that my sister would bring “bad vibes” to her birthday and would choose to post anything like that on such a happy day. She was complaining about it for over two weeks. It bothered her last year too but two years in a row was too much for her. She offended her on a way too deep level. And she was like why would she post that then, why wouldn’t she post my birthday instead and celebrate me on such an important and amazing day. She even said her birthday should take priority over mom’s death.
I got so tired of hearing it that I asked her why she thinks either of us would feel her birthday’s more important than the day our mom died. I said mom’s our mom. We miss her. The day she died is a big day for us and she’s asking way too much to come before our mom ever. She said that wasn’t fair because life is for the living and besides, she’s basically our mom now too. I laughed and wanted to mock her for thinking that but I held back. It pissed her off though and she cried to dad about me asking her why we’d put her birthday before mom’s anniversary and then laughing in her face because she was hurt about what I said.
Dad asked me what I said and I told him. I also made it clear I did not regret it because she’s delusional to think her birthday would be our priority. He asked me if I post stuff like my sister and ignore his wife’s birthday and I said yeah. So he was like keep the accounts extra hidden so she can’t have a field day over them too and I was like done.
She’s expecting an apology and acting like the whole world is against her now and she’s stomping around the place having a mini-tantrum, kinda.
AITA?
Comments
She is acting like a child. Perhaps your father should post about her on her birthday – it would be much more appropriate. NTA.
NTA. your step mom seems wildly self centered and thoughtless.
she stalks your sister’s social media pages and gets upset there are no posts about her birthday…is she crazy? definitely NTA!
NTA your Dad needs to stop being neutral. His Wife is being ridiculous and he should tell her so and to stop harassing his kids.
NTA. If stepmother wanted a better relationship she would address your mom’s death by respecting your grief and how you deal with it. I suspect that had she done that, then y’all could have wished her a truly happy birthday.
NTA. What does your dad see in her?
NTA. Sorry about losing your mom. That’s awful. Your dad’s wife is delusional to think her birthday is more important than the anniversary of your mom passing. She just dug herself into a hole she can’t crawl out of.
Don’t feel bad (if you do) she is completely in the wrong.
Perhaps you and your sister should start hosting an annual family memorial for your beloved mother. Post lots of pictures and heartfelt memories.
NTA.
I will and can never understand why certain people think they are more important or just as important as the original parent as soon as they marry into the family or just are in a patchwork family.
NTA and I’m sorry your dad is a loser. He should shut her down.
NTA and my petty ass would post something like, “Birthday acknowledgements to the biggest baby I know, Stepmom, who demanded I post about her instead of my mom on the anniversary of her death, so here’s your post, Stepmother, I hope you’re happy.”
NTA! And your dad’s reaction is funny. Could have put her in her place, but at least it’s clear he’s on your side.
He really should get his wife some professional help, just saying…